AIBU to ask you to help me beat this anxiety today?

[Bellasblankexpression]

I have regular therapy as I suffer from a form of anxiety that’s a variant of OCD, focusing and fixating on trying to control things as an effort to remain “safe” from perceived threats.
Me and OH are going to the baseball in London today. He’s a hardcore fan and so excited. I’ve been really looking forward to it and then info emails came through earlier this week about the security restrictions etc and remaining vigilante and instead of reassuring me it’s just set off my anxiety in a big way.
I’ve got myself all het up, convinced there’s going to be some kind of attack or something terrible will happen, and the fact that we are experiencing 34 degree heat in London today has somehow added to this.
I know I’m being irrational and need to get out and enjoy life but it’s so hard when you’re in the grip of one of these cycles of thought as it almost presents itself as instinct rather than anxiety.
I know nobody can fix this for me but I was wondering if anyone had some blunt words or reassurance that they would go and not think twice about it to reinforce that I should go and enjoy myself.
Normally I would talk to OH about it but he’s SO excited that it’s finally come to London that I don’t want to spoil his happy glow!

Try and see the security as the good thing it is - it’s intended to protect you.

I get why your not wanting to tell your oh but I still would not to worry him or spoil his day but just so he knows and can help

Thank you sirzy I really am, I just keep
Thinking what if, what if. I just don’t want to spend the whole time I’m there hyper alert and anxious.
Anxiety is so insidious I hate it so much.

Ah, the joys of anxiety! We really should all work in risk-management, or perhaps we would just block anyone doing anything...
I also agree with recognising that the anxiety 'thinks' it is protecting you from a perceived risk, and it is doing a bloody good job. Clearly, there are risks in life, so there is some truth in what you are thinking, but the fear is running away with itself at the moment and the bottom line, rational thinking is that we just don't know what will happen to us in an given moment, we don't have those powers of prediction, no matter how much we think through every possible worst case scenario. We simply aren't that powerful. Thank god.
What helps for me is understanding that I am generating this fear, that I am sensing threat and all my protective systems are running full force, but that I still want to continue with my day. I am not always successful at this, I avoid and miss a lot in life, I am not proud to say. But I would push myself through in your situation, because otherwise we are in danger of missing out on so much. Also, I agree with sharing this with your husband, this is part of your too, you are sharing his big day, and your anxiety is having a trip out as well so he can do his bit by listening to you and supporting you with it.
Do you have coping strategies you use? Sorry I don't know if I have helped (that's my anxiety) but rest assured, anyone who has this gets it. It is a an absolute bitch.

It does help a bit @woollycardi it helps to know others have the same thoughts because then it helps me to recognise that it is anxiety.
I just hope I can get it a bit under control, at the moment I just feel like I really don’t want to go.
If I tell OH I’m worried he’ll just say we won’t go as he won’t want me to be stressed, and I don’t want him to miss out.

Right, I’m going to go and I’m going to try and enjoy it. In all likelihood it’s going to be fine and I’m sure the risk has been considered.
I think the more pressing problem is going to be how to stay cool!

Hoping I can keep this balanced attitude when I’m actually there.

Hope you're enjoying the game my dh and d's are there and it looks fab

Have been there, and found that for things you’re keen on doing it’s much better to go, experience the anxiety, and hopefully lots of positive things too.

If you drink alcohol, IME a small amount really helps! Not something to use regularly, but on the odd occasion!

How are you enjoying the game, @Bellasblankexpression ?

I can't believe the score. I'm slightly worried everyone will get the wrong idea about baseball! I don't know if I've ever seen a game like it.

Hello everyone, I had a fab time and am so pleased I pushed myself to go. I think the actual
Build up to going was much worse than when I got there if that makes sense.
I managed to enjoy it and not be anxious while I was there - I think the crazy scoring helped!
So thank you to everyone who posted and hope everyone else who went/watched the game enjoyed it

Am so happy to hear this. I don't mean to sound patronising but as someone who's a sufferer, controlled with meds, i hope you feel proud.

I've tackled similar situations and it's not easy.

@CuriousMama not patronising at all. I’m on a bit of a high actually because I’m so proud that I went, and genuinely managed to not be anxious while I was there which felt impossible in the run up to it.
I took people’s advice and told OH in the end and he was great, and it helped a lot because just knowing he was aware that I was feeling a bit wobbly to begin with made me feel not so alone with it.
I would have been so cross with myself if I’d not gone and missed out which has happened on so many other occasions. It felt nice to be at a big event and just be enjoying it like everyone else.

Sorry to hear you suffer too, it’s bloody horrible.

That's so lovely to read. Have you thought about writing down or recording this experience somewhere you can refer back to if you're faced with similar feelings in future?

Just to reinforce how anxious you were beforehand but how well you managed and how brilliant you felt afterwards. If you can find a way to "save" this brilliant feeling now to access it again it could be so powerful at helping you in future.

Great updates OP, glad you went and had a good time!

The journal is a good idea. And if you take photos you could put happy ones in it.

So pleased you had a good day!

Thank you thank you for your lovely replies.
The journal is a brilliant idea! I had a blank notebook lying around so I have started it now, while the feeling is fresh in my mind of being happy and proud, as well as the feeling of dread and anxiety I experienced yesterday. Thanks for the suggestion, I think it will really help and I'm going to keep updating it even with small triumphs.

Aw love this thread. Well bloody done OP!

Bookmark this post for future reference, it will give you proof you can feel the fear and do it anyway