How do I respond to this?

[fedupntired]

Bit of background, DH & had a huge row last night, he's still asleep and I slept in spare room. Will probably be resolved this morning.
But he got this text from his DD24^^ (my DSD) during the heat of it.
I have no idea what she means by recently and I really want to know .......

So you live in a explosive relationship and hes putt his emotional shit onto his daughter.

You are ignoring this and leaving him to further possibly cause her more upset.

You need to act like Adults, learn what ypur place should be as the Parents and leave ypur children out of the arguments and upset.

Your SDD doesn't need to live with ypur chaos.

So back to the question.

Ypu apologise to her.

You start to act like an Adult.

Resolve arguments.

Stop sleeping in the spare room and then carrying in as normal the next day.

If you do need to carry on like that, don't involve other people. They aren't your emotional dumping ground, especially your children.

I agree with @Ponoka7

Both of you need to apologise to DSD. Explain that you know it's not her drama and you'll (DH?) make a strong, conscious effort to not get her involved in the future.

There are plenty of ways to 'clear the air' that aren't having a full blown row. Maybe look at the techniques online; there'll be something that works for you.

It doesn’t sound like the healthiest relationship between you and your husband if you are having explosive rows, but taking you at your word that it’s fine I would say he needs to stop involving her in your drama because it’s probably very distressing for her. I expect that’s what’s causing her to feel resentful of you. Whether it’s your fault or not she will inevitably take the side of her dad (who probably paints himself in a better light anyway when he reports to her).

She shouldn’t be his emotional sounding board for his fights with you.

I'm sorry but you share an email account and read one another's texts constantly? That screams "I don't trust you" and you might disagree but I honestly think everyone needs their own space in a healthy relationship. This must be suffocating.

Venting to others is one thing. Talking about leaving someone is quite different and, frankly, if he hasn't shut that kind of comment down with a "please don't speak that way" I'd be more worried about that.

What did he say to her for her to reply with that comment?

If your daughter wants you to leave your partner, it ain't good. I'm inclined to think things are much more tense and volatile than you're saying.

Wow. I don't quite know what to say.
Thank you for all your input, I'm truly glad you all have such peaceful lives. I have said I won't be texting her and I will leave it at that.
Thanks for your time everyone .

I'm truly glad you all have such peaceful lives

Sometimes people loose the perspective on what is normal? Do you think that you could have?

An adult daughter offering to come and collect her Dad from his argument with his partner is not suggesting a healthy relationship OP.

If you could read the texts, what had he said prior to her saying that?

FairyDust92
Does he always run to his daughter when you have an argument? 🤨

Yes, how fucking dare he talk to someone that he trusts about his problems. (sarcasm)

I'd stick the text under his nose and say, "what did she mean by "wrecking everyone's life?". It's such an extreme statement to make. If you share a phone and email as you say then you've not done anything wrong as such (unless you have rules for not reading each other's exchanges). The phone sharing/message reading just sounds like a terrible idea - things will be read out of context.

I'd guess that your DH has been discussing feeling unhappy in your relationship with his daughter and she is either honestly saying that she thinks he needs to leave or else she's making trouble. No one can really do much other than purely speculate though as you haven't provide any information.