..to have a horrible feeling in my gut all the time that something bad will happen to ds2?

[Hmmmmminteresting]

I'm going insane.
I'm not an anxious person, I have no history of anxiety or depression or stress.
I have 2 x sons, 1 is 3 and the other is 1.
Both perfectly fit and healthy and absolutely gorgeous happy boys who go to nursery 4 days a week.
However for the last 6 or so weeks I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something terrible is going to happen to ds2. I have no idea what but its keeping me up, it makes me feel sick and now it's even getting to the point where I cant bear to watch him play or be happy as I feel like its all about to be snatched away from me. I see him and his brother playing together and I have to walk away as I'm I'm tears.
I cant describe this feeling of terror and sadness and it's so irrational.
What the heck is going on!
Has anyone else ever been here? I'm losing my mind

Talk to your GP or HV as you're still in the time period when PND can occur. You must be exhausted worrying but they can help.

I think you need to go and speak to a professional.

I hope I don't sound harsh. Was there any trauma in pregnancy/delivery/possible pnd?

I think it is a positive that you have recognised that these thoughts are irrational.

I have been there ever since my daughter was born. She is now 21 and I still believe in my gut that someone will "take her away from me". I know, rationally, that it's just (just!) anxiety but it doesn't help really.

I read your post again, and presumably you're working a 4 day week and perhaps only returned recently. Do you think this could have triggered anxiety?

Google intrusive thoughts.

I had this (still do some days) and it's horrible op

Please speak to your GP.

You aren’t psychic, you have presumably never had premonitions before? It really does sound like anxiety, I felt very similar with my children and still do to an extent, but it’s manageable.

Don’t suffer, your GP will help

I had a premonition once when I was a child that we would get burgled and that very same day we did. I think this is what's making it feel so much more terrifying.
The birth was traumatic and he ended up in nicu but less traumatic than ds1 (who I have no fear over)
I just cant work out what's changed but yes I did return to work 3 months ago but to a job I love and haven't felt anxious over.
It's all so odd, I just want someone to take my hand and tell me he will be fine forever. I feel like I cant talk to anyone in real life as I sound strange.
I maybe will speak to my gp then.

I feel like this about my ds2 although he is 8 now. I have taken antidepressants for anxiety and have always had intrusive thoughts.

I can't help you I'm afraid but you aren't alone in how you feel. I wish I knew why it was about him though. I worry about my eldest like any parent but it's not the same. I try and push it away which is what CBT helped me do.

Like you I had a couple of worries when younger that "came true". I think as humans we look for patterns and cause and effect, but really none of us know what will happen in the future...

‘I’m not an anxious person’ sounds like you are now though

Hugs OP. I can relate to this, I am/was the same.

Ds1 is 13 ds2 is 10. It doesnt happen very often now. But when I would think of the future i could allways see ds1 as an adult but never ds1. It just felt like he wouldnt make to adulthood for what ever reason.

I do suffer depression and anxiety and his birth was traumatic he is lucky to be here so I'm not sure If that has anything to do with it.

I think you should speack to your gp, anxiety can creep up out if no where.

And as a past OP said Google intrusive thoughts. X

It does get better x

I can remember going through a period of time when dd was a baby where I had some frightening thoughts, I used to be pushing the pram on the pavement and feel really panicky that it would tip into the road for example. I knew it was irrational and I could usually talk myself out of it.

I went through another similar period after she was very very unwell when she 10 years old, thinking about it now I think both times I had an element of ptsd. Dds birth was traumatic as well.

Yes see your gp but maybe some counselling might also be useful, I find mindfulness helpful when I notice unhelpful thoughts creeping in.

Op how were the births of your children? Both births?

MIL has previously told me that she felt this way about DH (who is her Ds2). The whole way through his baby & toddlerhood she had a strong feeling he was going to die. Like you she is not an 'anxious' person at all.

Needless to say DH is now 41 and entirely fit & healthy You may look back on this time and realise that in fact there was a lot going on, and the stress of 2 babies/going back to work/hormones are affecting you more than you think?

Anxiety needs something to hook on to. For some reason you are feeling anxious, it could be depression, hormones, the return to work, tiredness. Your mind looks to fix that anxiety on to something to give the feeling a reason - if you weren’t worried about your DS then it would be something else. It’s the same logic that some OCD sufferers can never get the house clean enough because the anxiety is causing the fixation on dirt rather than the dirt causing the anxiety.

Speak to your gp and get physical causes checked too such as low blood sugar or thyroid problems.

You say you're not an anxious person, but this really sounds like anxiety!

By the way, you're not psychic.

I think that those stories that pop up occasionally of people who "felt something" and then had "something" happen don't help. The reality is loads of people every day get weird premonitions/bad feelings. The vast, vast, vast majority of them go on to have a completely unremarkable time. But that never gets reported or made into a story!

(I knew a friend who refused to get on a transatlantic flight because she had a very strong feeling that the plane wouldn't land... The plane and everyone on the flight got to their destination on schedule with 0 problems!)

OP, most likely you have this feeling because DS2 is still quite small and vulnerable and something in you feels uncomfortable about sending him to nursery 4 days a week. Is there anything actually wrong with the nursery? Does he seem unhappy in any way? If not, try to rationalize it away.

I felt more worried about my second child. It's because they're your youngest. When he gets a bit older, it will fade.

I think you need to see a professional but I do think these feelings are quite common. Particularly after a traumatic birth. I have 2 healthy children and after the second was born I felt like I'd got so lucky twice that I was 'due' some really bad luck and became convinced something terrible was going to happen. It went away once hormones and sleep patterns calmed down but if this continues please get help.

What's your genuine opinion op? I hope I'm not going to be unhelpful here and fuel your anxiety but I had an instinct that my eldest son wasn't right when he was born. Turns out he was poorly. Is there anything in your suspicions at all? Maybe is your youngest off colour? Even just teething but your feelings have magnified it?

Often anxiety and stress can manifest in different ways.

If my husband has a lot on his mind with work/stuff on at home, he'll tell me he's "not stressed or anxious" but I'll notice he'll develop a new obsessions.

Here are some recent examples:

His health. Various ailments over the last few years which have all been checked out by doctors and turned out to be very innocuous things. Like indigestion! These tend to develop when he's visiting another country on his own for work, or he's due back at work after a break (and has a busy month ahead).

Wasps. He has spent hours watching, viewing and researching wasps nests. We have had wasps in the roof and I wasn't bothered because you call an exterminator, pay the fee and it's dealt with. No biggie. (We did this last week and it was a 20 minute job). He obsessed and obsessed over the wasps. But I'm not daft. It coincided with our 12w scan at the hospital for baby after a loss at our last 12w scan. So I knew that's what he was really worried about.

There's more. But I won't bore you any further.

I'm also the same but I noticed it a few years ago. Oh, my latest obsession with X is because I'm really subconsciously worried about a big job I've got to sort. I went to hospital for tests twice or health conditions I convinced myself I had. Daft when I look back on it.

All of that to say, your traumatic birth, going back to work, even work stresses and stains themselves... they could all be causing your anxiety about your child. In fact, I'd put money on it.

You are not your thoughts. Don't be taken in by them. Your brain is telling you wrong and you need to rewire it.

Mindfulness is great for this. Simply look at your child in a single moment (at the breakfast table or enjoying the swing on the park for instance) and instead of worrying that it'll be taken away, think "no, I don't need to worry. In this very second, at this exact moment, my child is happy, healthy and having fun".

It should help!

But I'd also talk to your GP or HV if you haven't already. They won't bite and they see this all the time.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry for my atrocious grammar, punctuation and spelling. It's all gone downhill recently. A mixture of rushing to type and baby brain I think 😂

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude had it spot on in my humble opinion and explained it far better than I did.

"Anxiety needs something to hook on to. For some reason you are feeling anxious, it could be depression, hormones, the return to work, tiredness. Your mind looks to fix that anxiety on to something to give the feeling a reason - if you weren’t worried about your DS then it would be something else. It’s the same logic that some OCD sufferers can never get the house clean enough because the anxiety is causing the fixation on dirt rather than the dirt causing the anxiety."

That is exactly what I've found with both myself and DH.

I thought I had a premonition that dc2 would have profound learning difficulties. I was convinced of it. He is ten now and absolutely doesn’t.

With dc4 I had the persistent thought throughout pregnancy ‘we won’t get to bring this one home’. She’s five now and sitting next to me.

I’ve had a couple of weird premonition type events - a friend I just knew would get cancer in our twenties and she did. A dream about an accident that actually then happened. So that did make me take more notice of these feelings regarding the dc. Pregnancy and having small children does funny things to you.

A (crappy) medium told me when I was twenty that something (specific) bad would happen to my family when I was 40. Nothing bad happened but I spent 20 years with a background of being worried and anxious. The fear became real and inevitable. I was caught up in negative thoughts that had zero bearing on reality. Nothing happened. Feelings can misfire. You can absolutely be mistaken about these fears. Talk to your GP and think about meditation and mindfulness and avoiding booze as all can help a little to ground yourself in the here and now. The love we have for our kids and the desire to protect and the fear of loss can be overwhelming, I really do understand xxx

There are a number of medical conditions that can cause this as well as mental ones.

If you consider all your body has been through physically and emotionally I think an MOT at the doctors is in need. Every time I've had an appointment like this theyve been thorough, kind and helped me get through.

In the meantime try a mindfulness or meditation app like Headspace and try for just 5 minutes each day to pause and concentrate on your state of mind only for a moment but it will help.