I'm at risk. How do I block my door?

[iutcoloit]

Police are involved with a situation between me and my ex. I'm concerned that he's going to kick my door in out of anger.

What's the steps to take here? How to block it? What if he could get in before the police got here?

Have you spoken to the police about it? There are measures they can put in place, including a warning marker as a pp said. Did they fill in a DASHH questionnaire with you? They will be basing their risk assessment on the answers you gave, but if you believe there is an imminent risk, they should listen.

Sorry I didn't re-read your post properly, see the Police are involved.

I agree that getting your address and landline, if you have one, red-flagged with them is a good idea.

I'm sorry Hun I new to this and clicked add post thinking it would be my own trying to delete

Sorry, when I say 'spoken to the police' I mean about your specific concerns that you are in danger.

iutcoloit What steps, if any, have the police taken to keep you safe?

With my ex when we spit, the police installed a sensor alarm by my front door, i set it b4 bed, if triggered (and it was when he broke in at 3am) after a minute if not turnt off bye the police came automatically, also had 2 panic buttons if pressed police came immediately.
Look into if this is something they will do for you

Have you asked police what they suggest? Barricaded in doesn't sound safe and if you're dealing with a dangerous ex id be worried you will somehow got locked in with him.

You don't think police involvement and being afraid of having your door kicked in to force entry to your home (and then what? presumably not to sit and have a cup of tea) is extreme enough for a refuge? It is.

The police should have talked you through this.

Have they referred you to MARAC? To the IDVA service? Discussed any safety planning? Put a marker on your address?

You call them as soon as he appears, you don't wait for him to start kicking anything in. If you have a landline, call from that.

Don't barricade yourself anywhere you can't escape from (ie. Not the bathroom) or anywhere with weapons (ie. Not the kitchen).

I also have a fire safe letterbox, basically a lockable letter box so that no one can put anything through it. The fire service came and fitted it for me and updated my smoke alarms. I think the police or women's aid organised it for me.

You can get a non molestation order in place very quickly if you go to the court and ask for an emergency hearing they will see you on the same day.

When I was in this situation the police gave me a number to call of a service that could come to my house and fit extra locks etc

They really oughter give you the number !
Tho maybe its a different county or something so different services ...

I didn't use the service in the end as I was able to stay with a friend for a few days until I got a court order to stop him coming round.

If he does turn up, phone 999, what for them to pick up, then hang up. They will be over like snap, way quicker than if you talk to them first. Its a priority situation tbh, no time to explain.
If they already know about you also, then they should have your address and phone number flagged as priority on their system.

As well as a door jammer you can also buy alarm wedges off Amazon that will go off if anyone opens the door. Though I agree with PPs that you should involve the authorities or Women's Aid if you haven't already.

Emmalouise86xx that sounds really tough, but you'll get better answers if you start your own thread, if you want less... ahem, direct, answers, it might be better to post in relationships.

If nothing else, a sturdy doorstop.

There are devices on Amazon that are designed for when you stay in a hotel alone. They mean the door can't be opened from the outside, and they're meant to be very effective. They could be helpful in this situation. They're also easily dismantled from the inside, so safer than some other options.

08088021414
This is the domestic abuse and helpline.
Aka woman's aid . Put the number in your phone on speed dial. The same for police .
Wishing you well.

@Cryalot2 that number is for Northern Ireland only... also Nexus run the Helpline now, not WA

The National DV Helpline is 0808 2000 247

They have a section on safety planning on the website too

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

Contacting women's aid is good advice. If he's escalating it's sometimes possible for the courts to process an emergency injunction with a power of arrest attached.

Far, far too many women suffer like this at the hands of men. And you there with a son, too - what a shameful, cowardly, pathetic SOB he is. I'm sorry you are in such a terrifying situation, OP.

Can anyone link to the Amazon items for barring hotel doors from the inside? They sound handy.
Keep your phone charged up OP. Keep your keys on you not somewhere else in the house.

Check into the Ring doorbell & Ring video cams. Very easy to set up and not all that expensive. It doesn't look like the Ring alarm system is available yet in the UK, but it's excellent if and when it is.

Think carefully about choosing to 'arm yourself' with a bat, knife, or even a heavy pot. Anything you might use on him could end up being used on you. The best thing you can do is to get out of the house. I agree with having an escape plan. It's just as important to be able to get yourself out as it is to keep him out. If you have a 1st or 2nd floor bedroom, look into a heavy door lock and window fire ladder. You hook them on the sill and drop them over the side. Keep a pair of sturdy slip on shoes next to the ladder and the ladder under the window. We have one, but for fire escape purposes.

www.amazon.co.uk/Kidde-468093-Two-Storey-Escape-Ladder/dp/B00005OU7B/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_60_t_0?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&refRID=5RVNG0QNV0CGJFVAJHK5

I've heard wedges can be very useful in helping keep a door shut.

Echoing others though that are concerned about a possible fire risk if he can't get in. Please make sure you have an exit plan for both you and DS. Maybe sleep in the same room so you are right next to him if you both need to leave quickly. Is it worth having some essentials nearby? Keep your keys and mobile with you so you can get out straight away.

I see plasticpotato posted the helpline number. (It's a joint Women's Aid and Refuge helpine).

Have a read at the safety planning - you'll see for example it's often best to get out if you can.

But that said I would definitely recommend getting some support. That way you can get advice tailored to your circumstances and based on your risk.

If you feel you are in immediate danger you so of course call 999. Don't hesitate or worry about whether you should

You’ve had good advice, hope you manage some sleep tonight.

Get a London bar

https://www.sdslondon.co.uk/london-bars/london-bar-for-banham-yale-nightlatches.html?gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjw9dboBRBUEiwA7VrrzbKmeZGTycjeEik9BdAEBjgzcp4TTXfUBEpeVWlyQZZf5YPOtThaZBoCecQAvDD_BwE

If you wont move, which you probably should, can anyone come and stay with you?
There's no point barricading the door, I did that and the ex just broke in via a window instead.

The police can provide you with a door jammer or domestic violence services can. Also find out about an alarm, and getting a flag/marker put on your phone number (s) and address

Good luck