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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I being rude to offer him antihistamines?

26 replies

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 28/06/2019 17:31

I work in an office where it's sometimes just me and a couple of other people there on any given day. Today, it was just me and this bloke who I don't know very well.

Now, obviously he was suffering from hayfever pretty badly today, because he spent the whole morning not only sneezing and sniffing, but also loudly hawking the contents of his sinuses up into his throat and swallowing it. It was really quite disgusting to listen to. The final straw was when he went to get a bacon sandwich from the canteen, and then proceeded to chomp his way through it with his mouth open, breathing heavily through his nose and audibly swallowing a lot of air at the same time. And after that he spent the next hour alternating the hayfever stuff with doing little belches.

I suffer from hayfever myself, so I do understand how crap it is, but I take an antihistamine every day and stick some Beconase up my nose so that I won't be sniffing all day. So when this guy was on hour three of his sinus symphony, I asked him, politely, if he would like an antihistamine, as it sounded like he was having some problems with the weather.

Well, he did take one, but he was really pissy about it. Muttered about how it wasn't his fault, he's just very sensitive to pollen, he can't help it if he sneezes etc... and he was off with me for the rest of the day too.

He's actually leaving soon, so I don't really care if I've offended him, but was it really rude to offer him something to help with his hayfever? I freely admit it was mainly because the noise was bothering me, but it can't have been comfortable for him either. WIBU, or was he?

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 28/06/2019 17:37

Sensible and nice thing to do if you see someone suffering.
He clearly thought you were being critical and was probably a bit embarrassed.

RedSkyLastNight · 28/06/2019 17:39

When my hayfever is really bad, no amount of medication will make much difference. So if I'd been your colleague I'd have taken the medication to keep you quiet whilst silently seething about your lack of empathy. Actually I do have a colleague who is convinced that I exaggerate my hayfever symptoms and I've been less than polite with him. Wouod you treat an asthamtic struggling to breathe in the same way?

pickledparsnip · 28/06/2019 17:40

I think that he's a dick.

Kaykay06 · 28/06/2019 17:44

He sounds a bit gross to be honest. And a bit of a dick but as pp said could be he’s taken stuff and the pollen count is very high here today and it’s just not working for him and he no doubt feels like crap so perhaps why he was off. But he can help eating like that and howking etc it’s quite disgusting.

My hay fever is bad too, I used to take tablets but now make me like a zombie so stuck with a steroid inhaler and eye drops so sneeze constantly it’s driving me nuts but I have plenty tissues, cover mouth and try not to inflict it on others

RubberTreePlant · 28/06/2019 17:45

I think i'd just have said "I know. Me too. That's why I'm trying to help".

Silly man.

Original poster

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 28/06/2019 17:51

RedSky how is offering him some tablets that might have made him feel better unempathetic? I was polite about it and everything. If I saw an asthmatic who was struggling to breathe, I would try to help them find and take their inhaler, so much the same really.

OP posts:

Likethebattle · 28/06/2019 18:04

I’ve taken three types of anti-histamine, a nasal spray and eye drops and i’m still sniffing, sneezing and blinded by tears. I got the ‘have you taken anything for it?’several times. Yes yes of course why didn’t I think of doing that! So if you’d given me your ‘kind offer’ you’d be told where to shove it as i’m Not really in the best of moods and I am trying.

Original poster

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 28/06/2019 18:21

If it had just been sniffing and sneezing, I probably would have been more tolerant. The hawking, noisy eating, and belching - sorry, I don't see how there's any excuse for that. That's just gross.

OP posts:

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 28/06/2019 18:25

I read that as amphetamines which would have been presumptuous rather than rude

BeeFarseer · 28/06/2019 18:27

I would have been thrilled for someone to offer me an antihistamine today.

He's a dick.

Jellybabiesarebabies · 28/06/2019 18:29

I would have been grateful. Not rude.

RedSkyLastNight · 28/06/2019 18:31

how is offering him some tablets that might have made him feel better unempathetic?
Because if you have bad hay fever, you will already have taken something, and if you had forgotten you would have asked if anyone had any with them.

Offering tablets is just a passive agressive way of complaining about the noise. If the noise bothers you that much, you should have a quiet word with his line manager.

Original poster

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 28/06/2019 18:39

Chihuahua that wouldn't have helped, but it might have been entertaining...

RedSky if he was going to be hanging around I probably would do, but as I said, it's not going to be a long term problem, so not worth causing a ruckus now.

OP posts:

codemonkey · 28/06/2019 18:43

It's gross. You should attempt to make virtually no noise in the office regardless of what you're suffering from. If you can't stop hawking, sniffing, sneezing and chomping then stay at home.

Someone hot-desked next to me on monday. Laid all his lemsip, tissues, paracetamol etc. out on the desk then proceeded to violently sniff about once every ten seconds. It's a shame that guns in the workplace are frowned upon.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/06/2019 18:44

You're a lot nicer than I am. I would have strangled him to death.

Belfield · 28/06/2019 20:04

I don’t suffer from hay fever but have a friend that does and she was popping pills to no avail. Maybe he is rude or maybe he had already taken something, was peed off and you offering annoyed him. You weren’t to know that so didn’t do anything wrong either way.

Clusterfukt · 28/06/2019 20:07

He was rude to get the strop at someone helping him. Silly twat.

Obviouspretzel · 28/06/2019 20:13

Ridiculous. I suffer from it and I take antihistamines every day, they have very little effect. Should I just stay at home from work and lose pay so as not to offend you? Eat my lunch in the toilet? Jesus Christ. You weren't being empathetic you were being passive aggressive.

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 28/06/2019 20:20

I’ve taken multiple doses of 3 different antihistamines, used nose spray and eye drops, and I’m still sniffing, sneezing and can barely open my eyes. I’m also struggling to breath.
It’s probably not fun to listen to, but it’s much worse for me.

Original poster

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 28/06/2019 20:20

You seem to be conflating my post with a few others. I never said he shouldn't have been in work, just that the snot-gulping and the noisily chewing with his mouth wide open was unnecessary and gross. Is being antisocial any better than being passive aggressive?

OP posts:

Far2go46 · 28/06/2019 20:21

He may just have a coke habit

IsabellaLinton · 28/06/2019 20:41

Miserable bugger - him, not you!

Whathappenedtooursummer · 28/06/2019 20:46

Next time I imagine an office chair across the back of the head would shtfu!
You were very restrained op.

AnguaResurgam · 28/06/2019 21:03

YANBU to offer an OTC remedy

But equally HINBU to decline an unsolicited offer.

Youbare also describing the symptoms of a summer cold (wgphuch might be the likelier explanation given quicker onset). Did you also offer him Lemsip?

GnomeDePlume · 28/06/2019 21:07

If he had already taken antihistamines wouldnt he have declined OP's offer? That he accepted suggests that he hadnt already done something to help himself.

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