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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 weeks or 3 weeks holiday?

19 replies

AtmosClock · 28/06/2019 10:48

DH's work allows him to have an extended 3 week break every year. I work as a freelance consultant and I find it hard to take holiday at all, but I can usually find 2 weeks. Every year we have an argument about the 3rd week of the holiday, where I feel I am letting people down and having to juggle my commitments.

AIBU to take two weeks? Or should I get better at pushing for 3 weeks? How many weeks do you take from work?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 28/06/2019 10:57

Well if your DH is employed, he'll be getting at least 5.6 weeks a year anyway, so if you struggle to take holiday, he's going to be having more than you anyway so it's about more than just 'going away for 2 or 3 weeks'.

I get about 8-9 week's holiday a year when basic (33 days) BHs (8 days) and the odd TOIL day is taken into account, but I rarely take more than a week off work at a time and I've never been off for more than 2 weeks.

I don't think I'd ever go away for more than 2 weeks, our holidays are usually 7-9 days and I think that's enough. I'd rather have more shorter holidays and some time off at home and/or weekend breaks than one long holiday anyway.

If he wants 3 weeks off work and you struggle to take more than 2, why doesn't he take the 3 weeks, you take the two, which you both go away for (or go away for about 10 days, and have a bit of a break at home too) and he spends a few days doing useful stuff at home seeing as it sounds like you're working more than he is?

Ilikewinter · 28/06/2019 11:03

So I get 28 days plus time for any bank holidays I work and the option to buy a week.

Last year I purchased the extra week and took 3 weeks and we went to Australia but thats the first time Ive ever taken more than 2 weeks off...it was amazing!

The norm for us is 1 x 2 week hol then spread the rest throught the year, normally a week ( or 6 days maybe) at a time.

Cant he take the 3 weeks, you take 2 and go away for 2 weeks...he then has a week on his own??

Original poster
AtmosClock · 28/06/2019 11:05

Thanks, I think he works in a quite high pressure job that has longish holiday leave, but can only take holiday in the summer and again at Christmas (he works somewhere where the schedule is very prescribed)

Is it normal to take 3 weeks?

OP posts:
LtJudyHopps · 28/06/2019 11:05

5.6 weeks?? I get 4 + bank holidays. I’d hate to use it all at once and have nothing left for the rest of the year so I don’t think YABU.
Why do you need to off for his last week?

Original poster
AtmosClock · 28/06/2019 11:07

He sees as me not wanting to take 3 weeks as ruining our holidays, which I find unfair. He has work which shuts down in this period, so he has no flexibility. I'm always the bad person who is up against some deadline and having to be flexible

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 28/06/2019 11:11

But his work is also 'ruining your holidays' by only allowing you to take leave in the summer or at Christmas.

What if you wanted to go away at Easter, in September or any other time of year that's not the summer or Christmas. You can't, not together anyway. He shouldn't expect you to do all the flexibility, especially when he has none, even if it isn't his fault.

avalanching · 28/06/2019 11:12

I love going on holiday, but 3 weeks is too much. If I was him I'd love going on holiday for 2 weeks then having a week to potter at home. He's being a moron and obtuse.

1CarefulLadyOwner · 28/06/2019 11:13

I am a freelancer, too, but always take a 3 week holiday. Obviously the timing depends on how the project is going, but it has never been an issue. As I like to go long-haul it isn't really worth going for less than 3 weeks and, if I am between projects, I sometimes go for longer!

mindutopia · 28/06/2019 11:19

Why not take 2 weeks together and then he can do something he enjoys on the 3rd week? I think 3 weeks is a long holiday unless you’re going to Australia or backpacking around Southeast Asia!

My dh and I don’t even take 2 weeks together (he is self employed and we need AL for school holidays), but we also go away alone or just with friends a couple times a year. I’d love a week alone to do something I enjoyed.

babysharkah · 28/06/2019 11:19

Dh is a teacher I have a longstanding arrangement with work that I can take three weeks in the summer (prof services). More than two weeks usually requires additional sign off. I get 28 days plus 5 on a roll over from a long service award and I buy 5 each year for a buffer. Taking 15 in the summer still leaves me over 4 weeks plus bank holidays. I usually manage to still roll over the 5 as long as dcs aren't sick in term time.

mynameiscalypso · 28/06/2019 11:28

We try to have a three week holiday in the summer (both professional services) and very few years we have a longer 5/6 week holiday. I think a 3 week break is a really good length of time; a week to unwind from work, a week to really relax and a week to start thinking about going back. Three week holidays are not unusual in my department, a lot of people take them over the summer.

This may all change for us though when DC1 arrives in August...

stucknoue · 28/06/2019 11:41

A three week holiday is an occasional luxury but perhaps every 3 years would be a compromise?

SometimesMaybe · 28/06/2019 11:44

Two week holiday then a week when you work but perhaps slightly shorter hours/he meets you for lunch/catch’s up with friends/plays golf/goes for a cycle/does the jobs in the house that you never get around to. Or if he really wants a 3 week holiday away he goes himself (or takes the kids if you have them) the first week and then you join him.

HappyNOTdriving · 28/06/2019 12:10

Dp has compulsory 2 weeks off at Christmas but saves almost the entire rest of his holiday to take in summer in one stretch. Then he has the odd day left for the rest of the year.

I have some freedom over holiday but can't take the whole time he takes in one go! He understands that. What I do do though is try to make sure the time I can take is free so I'm not off out meeting people or going to the dentist etc during the time we get off together. Obviously that isn't always the case but I try.

He doesn't get pissy with me because he understands that I take what I can and use it with him! I mean I want to because I enjoy our time together but he appreciates it anyway.

adaline · 28/06/2019 12:22

Why can't he take three weeks and you just take two?

He's the only one ruining anything by acting like a toddler Hmm

MzHz · 28/06/2019 12:34

Yeah, he could take a few days either side of your 2 weeks! It’s give him a bit of chill time and time to do stuff before heading back into work

Mummyshark2019 · 28/06/2019 17:12

Why don't you meet in the middle. One year do three weeks, the next do two. Win, win. I would love to go away for three weeks. Properly get away and detach, unwind and recharge.

Girlicorne · 28/06/2019 17:17

I m self employed and take all of the school holidays, so 13 weeks. I do check emails and respond to people on the phone in that time, and if we aren't away I ll do some admin and paperwork at home. I left employment I was on 30 days holiday plus bank holidays.

user1497787065 · 28/06/2019 18:11

My DH and I are going away for five nights in October. He will usually only take three or four nights at a push as he is self employed. This trip will be the first since October of last year. He is taking a Friday off for a wedding in August and he didn't work on Easter Saturday which surprised me. So the idea of three weeks away equals four or five years holidays for us.

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