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AIBU?

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Need help - separation

3 replies

FantaIsFine · 27/06/2019 22:27

Hi,

Any advice here would be amazing. I need to help my friend escape from a horrible situation. Sorry for AIBU post but traffic and I'm not sure where this should go...

It's emotional abuse, which I won't go into too much detail on as I'm not she, but is controlling, withholding money, not sharing family finances/situation (like if or how much is mortgage or even what he earns), getting the children to spy, expecting her or her family to do things he should. They've been married nearly 10 years.

I think he is a thoroughly shady character and probably has £££ salted somewhere secretly. She earns very little and he "allows" her the odd bit of cash if he knows what she wants to spend it on. Both of them though are FTE. She has only recently returned to work after some years of maternity.

Questions being:
Where should we start in working out what she can look at for help with money for her and children
Does anyone have any advice for investigating probable hidden financial assets, or evaluating existing known ones
Are there any other resources we should look to speak to other than HMRC, Citizens Advice, Social Services

Quite sure we can navigate the maze but as I say, guidance would be immensely helpful! And/or just generally sensible next step things to do.

I've posted this with her approval just in case of any doubt.

Thanks so much!

Fanta

OP posts:
FantaIsFine · 27/06/2019 22:35

Sorry I had no idea my paragraph breaks etc. wouldn't come out in the app.

OP posts:
haveuheard · 27/06/2019 22:41

Ring Women's Aid, they are the specialists and should be able to answer all her questions.

Why would she contact social services and HMRC?

You could do a benefit check online and see if she is entitled to any support if she leaves. Try entitled to.

There is a child maintenance calculator online as well which would be worth trying if she has a rough idea of her husband's salary.

Doing a free online credit check would probably be a good idea if she doesn't know what debts might be in her name (eg mortgage).

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