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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Jealous of her

58 replies

Glitter99x · 27/06/2019 20:45

Boyfriend has a best friend. Nothing would ever happen with them but my body language and the way I feel is giving off Jealousy. This girl doesn’t like me because I pulled a sickie at work, which yes I acknowledged I shouldn’t of done it, but surely everyone does at some point in their working lives. She branded me a liar and says she doesn’t have liars as friends. She said she would block me to which I said “fine” and she did. She has since unblocked me. I am fine with the texting but it has been constant today. Again, nothing would happen they are extreme polar opposites, she just sort of mentors (?) him. I just want his attention I don’t mind texting now and again but not constantly. She doesn’t like me which makes it worse. I was open saying it makes me feel jealous, that I can’t help it!!!! But he basically threw a tantrum and said “feels like I can’t talk to her now”. Is it wrong to just pay a bit more attention to me than her and his other friends?! I don’t mind texting but not when he is glued to the phone!!! So annoyed, it’s making me want to tell him to go home and leave me alone!!!!

OP posts:
SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 27/06/2019 21:35

How old are you???

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 27/06/2019 21:36

Feeling jealous is not normal in most relationships!

PreachesPeaches · 27/06/2019 21:37

No way is OP 26. 16 more like.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/06/2019 21:37

How long have you been together? If it's still early days then this is all a huge warning sign. You should be having fun and enjoying each other's company, not snappy and irritable like this. There's time for that later! The friend does sound like a concern- and you won't win this one, pp is right about that.

AllFourOfThem · 27/06/2019 21:38

Pretty sure feeling jealous is fine and pretty normal in most realtionships.

I disagree. A decent relationship should be one where you don’t feel jealous and are never in a situation where that feeling could arise.

Bluerussian · 27/06/2019 21:39

The reason you are getting 'negative' feedback is because of the way you write and how you express yourself. You're not clear.

You come across as very, very much younger than 26. No criticism, just an observation. Another post suggested you were just post GCSE.

However it's obvious you are not happy with this chap and his behaviour, constantly texting in your presence, is well dodgy (and juvenile) - so why not draw a line under the relationship and move on. You need to regain your self respect.

Livpool · 27/06/2019 21:40

Why is you pulling a sickie anything to do with her?!

I think it might be time to end things - your BF doesn't sound too great. Some time apart should help

Pinkyyy · 27/06/2019 21:41

@Livpool I assumed they work together? Could be wrong.

tashac89 · 27/06/2019 21:47

Telling him to stop texting her is giving him an order. That never goes down well. Why don't you try telling him what you need from the relationship instead?
Like
'For this relationship to make me happy, I need "x amount of time" where you are paying me attention. Being present with me and not just here. Can you do that?" Its nothing to do with her or who he's messaging and everything to do with his relationship with you. If his answer is no, then you have your answer on whether it will work for you long term.

Boysey45 · 27/06/2019 21:47

Boyfriend sounds pathetic. You need to ditch him and find a man who puts you first.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 27/06/2019 21:51

All those other issues aside, it is very rude to spend all your time on your phone when you have company. I hate that from friends, nevermind a boyfriend. I'd rather have no attention than that fake "uh huh, I'm listeneing" thing people do while staring at their phone. GTFO.

sevenoftwelve · 27/06/2019 21:52

Pretty sure feeling jealous is fine and pretty normal in most realtionships.

Not really. Not healthy ones anyway.

You do sound younger than 26. All of this just sounds exhausting and unnecessarily dramatic.

Which part of the negative feedback do you not understand? You're describing a scenario that's unhealthy.

summerishereatlast · 27/06/2019 21:56

Op you deserve to feel relaxed, loved and secure in a relationship. If this isn’t the case, then he really isn’t the right person for you.
He should be doing everything possible to reassure you, if that hasn’t happened/isn’t happening call it a day. You deserve respect, and love and to come first (not second to anyone) have self respect and boundaries are your watch words.

SandyY2K · 27/06/2019 21:56

You do sound much younger than 26.

poopypants · 27/06/2019 22:00

Oh come on. This is a wind up. No 26 year old writes juvenile nonsense like this.

'She doesn't like me and I'm jealous but it's normal to be jealous and I had a sickie and he said and she said and then I felt sad and blah blah blah'....

Grow up

Lizzielocket · 27/06/2019 22:08

Op said her boyfriend is autistic, op is 26 and it’s her first relationship which is quite unusual. She doesn’t know what’s acceptable or not in a relationship which is something most of us learnt by our late teens. Some sensitivity wouldn’t go amiss don’t you think.
I think there is obvious feelings between your boyfriend and this woman. If I was you I would let them get on with it and move on to somebody who preferred giving me their time and attention not their phone.
I echo pp, it’s hard to end things when it’s your first relationship, your not quite sure what’s normal and what’s not. This is not normal and the situation will make you more jealous and insecure and in time really knock your self esteem.
End it and you will be happier in the long run.

Belenus · 27/06/2019 22:22

She doesn’t know what’s acceptable or not in a relationship which is something most of us learnt by our late teens.

I didn't work that one out until I was in my 40s. A quick glance at the relationships board suggests I'm not on my own.

Sootyandsweep2019 · 27/06/2019 22:25

She sounds unbearable. What a bitch.

DuMondeB · 27/06/2019 22:31

If a relationship is this stressful when you don’t live together, have no children and are young and healthy, it’s not worth continuing.

Set yourself free and find someone you get along with instead.

Yabbers · 27/06/2019 22:36

Sorry, not sure why getting all the negative feedback

Because you asked AIBU. And people think you are BU. If you want people just to agree with you, best not to ask the Internet for opinions.

Kashali · 27/06/2019 22:39

Aw, does it matter how old OP is? She has come on here for some help, why be nasty?

OP, as much as you don't want to leave this man/bf, he isn't right for you.
You are young even if 26, plenty of time to meet someone who deserves you and puts you first.
Enjoy yourself, live your life, have fun.

NannyRed · 27/06/2019 22:40

You’re not in a good relationship. Good relationships do not require one half to “walk on eggshells”

But you don’t want to dump him, so put up with it. Those are the options. He won’t drop his friendship for you and he shouldn’t have to.

Lilymossflower · 27/06/2019 22:43

He is being disrespectful to you. Would you constantly text and remain besties with someone who was that rude to him , I think not because its disrespectful, he should treat you with respect

Jaxhog · 27/06/2019 22:45

You have reason to be jealous. He may not be in a 'relationship' with her, but she's getting all his attention, even when he's physically with you. Add to that, the fact that she's made it clear she doesn't like you, yet he's still texting her. That is rude and inconsiderate.

There is no future in this. Find someone who wants to be with YOU.

MissRhubarb · 27/06/2019 22:49

Pretty sure feeling jealous is fine and pretty normal in most relationships.

It honestly really isn't and it's not a good sign if it's happening more than v. occasionally. But the constant texting would really annoy me too (not in a "makes me jealous" way, but in a "do I want to be with a man child who can't be parted from his phone?" kind of way). He shouldn't drop his friendship, but he should be respectful and attentive during his time with you.