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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can’t cope in this job anymore.

17 replies

Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 18:03

We are assigned work in the morning for the day. Two managers in departments splitting the team in two.

My manager wasn’t in today. I messaged the other one to say I couldn’t do all the assigned work due to having a big mandatory training session (I had let my own manager know)

He then starts having a go at me saying I should have told him etc ... he’s not my manager, he’s just a manager in my department.

I did tell my manager. It got to the point where I left my desk in tears.

There is a history of him doing this and I just can’t cope anymore.

OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 27/06/2019 18:27

HR? sounds miserable.

Original poster
Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 18:33

Thanks for responding Sad

Think he’d make my life even worse if I reported him

OP posts:
Expressedways · 27/06/2019 18:35

Poor you, that sounds massively stressful and long term I think I’d look to leave.

However, for as long as you’re still in this job you need to sit down with your manager and/or HR, explain the situation and agree a solution that will avoid this happening again e.g. when your manager is going to be out, they send the other manager a list of what staff are available or when you have time off or training, you copy the other manager into the email to your manager as an FYI. The other manager sounds like a prize twat but some decent communication should be all that’s required to solve the problem.

Apileofballyhoo · 27/06/2019 18:36

I'm sure it would have been your manager's responsibility to let him know? Were they away unexpectedly?

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2019 18:40

Shit OP he was horrible to you.
Is it usual procedure to inform your direct manager, he should have shared the information or they need to find a way to communicate, none of this is your issue to sort.
It is horrible getting upset in work.
I hope he apologises tomorrow.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2019 18:41

Think he’d make my life even worse if I reported him
If he is a bully, can you look for another job.

Original poster
Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 18:43

I think my manager was away unexpectedly but I let her know on Tuesday. I just think that’s as much as my involvement had to be.

It was mandatory training and the entire team had to do it - just on different days.

I had to leave my desk in tears and because I could feel an anxiety attack coming on.

I feel like crying at the thought of going in tomorrow.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/06/2019 18:44

Think he’d make my life even worse if I reported him How worse? He had you in tears, thinking about jacking your job in!

Report him, get some HR support and start telling him to fuck off, in polite speak...

Original poster
Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 18:45

If he calls me in for a meeting tomorrow can I refuse unless I have my manager present? (She’s supportive towards me)

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/06/2019 18:45

I feel like crying at the thought of going in tomorrow. Don't cry, get angry. Then go in and sort the rude, bullying fucker out.

How fucking dare he treat you like that. Super annuated twat!

Go on... you can do it, you'll probably enjoy it too. Be The Worm That Turned Smile

MyOpinionIsValid · 27/06/2019 18:45

Always CC any correspondence into your own line manager.

Your response to the other manager should be "Take this up with my line manager" - end of conversation

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/06/2019 18:47

Why would he 'call you in' of he is not your manager?

If he tries tell him no. Remind him he is not your line manager, you are colleagues and he should focus on his team, not his peers.

Original poster
Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 18:58

If he tries tell him no. Remind him he is not your line manager, you are colleagues and he should focus on his team, not his peers.

I guess I just always assumed that all managers are higher? So I wouldn’t be a peer to any of them I’d be lower than them and have to do what they say? (Sorry phrased that awfully but you get what I mean)

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamondeye · 27/06/2019 19:00

Why would he 'call you in' of he is not your manager?

Because I didn’t finish all my work for that day. This is very rare for me but any excuse to have a go at me.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 27/06/2019 19:40

Sounds like workplace bullying to me.

If your manager is back tomorrow, talk to them.
If not, talk to HR.

If the other manager calls you in before you can do either of those, try to say calm. Tell them you would rather wait until your own manager is back before discussing it.

LoHe19 · 27/06/2019 20:16

I’m really sorry you’ve been through this. Please do think about going to HR. I’m in a not dissimilar position but as an SME we don’t have any kind of HR provision. Most of my colleagues have left for new jobs but no one has bothered to be honest and tell them truthfully why they’re leaving (we talk openly about managers behaviour when there not in). This just means they think they’re getting away with it. One day they’re going to pick on someone and it could have terrible consequences.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2019 20:23

If he calls me in for a meeting tomorrow can I refuse unless I have my manager present? (She’s supportive towards me)
Yes you can definitely have another person present.
Hopefully she reports him.
He is an ass and a big bully, I'd think about calling in sick tomorrow, but it sounds like your team will need you.
Brush yourself with your head held high and tell him while you understand he is under pressure, you would prefer if he didn't take that tone with you again. Fuck him.
He can't treat you like that, especially if you have a supportive manager in tow.

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