To ask for a quick guide to sleep training?

[coffeeforone]

Decided it's time to sleep train our nine month old DS using controlled crying. He has never been able to self settle and I think this is the only way to allow him to develop this skill. Does anyone have a link to an easy to follow step-by-step guide? Also a couple of questions:

1. can we just do it at bedtime (say between 7 and midnight) and not for night wakings - would that still work?
2. after how many minutes is it best to go in and comfort (and do we comfort until he stops crying then leave the room again?
3. should it be the same parent comforting each time of do we alternate?
4. What do we do in the event that it doesn't work and he is still screaming after a long period (how long is too long?)

Many thanks in advance for any tips!

If you are going to do 'controlled crying' you could at least try to read a book about it, make an informed decision about it.

Thanks @Didntwanttochangemyname

Is there a book you could recommend?

1. can we just do it at bedtime (say between 7 and midnight) and not for night wakings - would that still work?
I did it for every wake up, but by 9 months my dd didn't wake during the night often.
2. after how many minutes is it best to go in and comfort (and do we comfort until he stops crying then leave the room again?
We did 5mins to start witg. Depending on type of cry. If dd was hysterical we woyld go in, if she was whinging oer it stopped and start we'd leave her longer to give her a chance to settle.
3. should it be the same parent comforting each time of do we alternate?
Wr alternated.
4. What do we do in the event that it doesn't work and he is still screaming after a long period (how long is too long?)
If she was crying and went ove rtired and past point of being able to settle her we have to just leave her to tire herself out and falls asleep.

Also not to drip-feed, but we have done this before 2 years ago with DS1 when he was 7 months old after a sleep regression.

He cried for less than 10 minutes (with 2 reassurances) on the first night and less than 5 on the second night (no reassurance), and slept though after that.

However, I just know it's going to be much more difficult with DS2 as he has been rocked to sleep for hours and co-sleeps every night since birth. He has never been able to self settle.

Thanks @Lazypuppy that's really helpful!

We used this technique - first night was awful, second night ok, third night worked and (except for illnesses/nightmares) he has slept through ever since.

parent4success.com/2012/03/05/the-controlled-crying-sleep-technique/

The whole point for us was night wakings so no experience in not using it for that

Thanks @Settlersofcatan this is exactly the type of guide I was looking for

I used the little ones sleep programme. You pay for a download but its really good. No cry it out, just teaching them to self settle. DD has slept through since 6 months. It also focuses on food, milk and naps during the day to ensure the child has had sufficient food, drink and playtime.

No guide to link you to but mine both slept through by 4 months.

I chose to only listen to the advice that was pertinent to me. Both of mine were tummy sleepers. Either on me or in their cot. They felt secure and they slept.

There is terrible scaremongering now, I'd say try to be intuitive. We, as a species, have managed to survive!

Kids don't learn to self settle until about 5 or 6.

@HeyDuggeesCakeBadge completely disagree. My dd self settles and is 18 months old, and has done since 9/10months.

@HeyDuggeesCakeBadge do you mean that's how long it can take if you don't do anything to encourage them to self settle? There is no way I could manage 5 years of dealing with every wake up and stir during the night without trying to intervene in some way!

sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/05/14/ten-reasons-to-not-sleep-train-your-baby/

No that's how old they are when they actually learn that skill according to research. Before that, they just learn not to cry.

First things first. Is your baby taking enough food and milk and are they in good health?

At 9 months naps are super important. An overtired baby will not settle well.

Typical routine for a 9 month old would be
7am wake (regardless of night sleep), milk feed
8.15am breakfast
9.15-10am nap
11.30am lunch including protein
12.30-2.30pm nap, then milk feed
5pm dinner, carb based
6pm bath
6.30pm bottle
6.50pm bed

The baby’s bedroom should be a nice temperature, pitch black, with low white noise playing.
You need to choose a settling technique and stick to it like glue. At 9 months I would not do pick up put down as it can be too stimulating.
Shh pat works better at this age but you must not shush and pat to sleep. You do it until the baby is very very sleepy and then you stop and leave the room and close the door.

I personally do not like leaving a baby to cry for long periods of time. The longest I would leave a 9 month old is 2, max 3 minutes.

You need to do exactly the same thing at all naps and bedtime. If you mix it up, the baby will get very confused and it could all backfire with a cot-refusing baby.

@HeyDuggeesCakeBadge this is an unproven hypothesis. There are plenty of studies showing that there are absolutely no long term ill effects from sleep training.

Why have you chosen controlled crying? Have you tried gradual retreat? I completely understand that CC is what works for some babies and I have zero judgement for that, but I think it's always best to start with the more gentle methods and work up, if that makes sense? Have you seen the MN 'what worked for us' thread? It's a really good and detailed description of gradual retreat

No that's how old they are when they actually learn that skill according to research

Could you link to that research? Not a blog where someone says it (including Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who has a BA in psychology ie zero relevant qualifications), the actual study? I'll take the abstract if it's behind a journal paywall

Geneva I am just stating what I have read. There is no judgement from me, everyone just does their best - some kids just don't sleep very well despite the best routines and that is completely normal.

No I don't have the link New, I'm just saying what I have read and I'm not sure why psychologists are being discounted but hey, Google will probably be your friend here.

Can we just do it at bedtime (say between 7 and midnight) and not for night wakings - would that still work
Not sure, we did it for all wakings and bedtime. I imagine it might be confusing otherwise.
After how many minutes is it best to go in and comfort (and do we comfort until he stops crying then leave the room again?
We did it with starting at 1 minute then 2, 3, 4, 5. Wasn't comfortable going over 5. All the stuff we got from out friends who paid for a sleep consultant said the actual intervals are less important than being consistent.
Should it be the same parent comforting each time of do we alternate?
We did it DH everytime. Again it might work but I think consistency Iis really important so I'd pick one of you and the other supports with the stopwatch and the wine
What do we do in the event that it doesn't work and he is still screaming after a long period (how long is too long?)
With DC1 we never went beyond 5 minute intervals but it took an hour altogether then 5 minutes twice in night. Day 2 took 20 minutes and one 5 minute wake up. Day 3 was 3 minutes and no waking. DC2 got it even quicker.

Just wanted to say thanks again for all the tips! Sleep training was successful (took 4 nights for DS to stop crying after being put down, with night 2 being the worst when he cried on and off for 17 minutes before dropping off to sleep)

He now can DS can now be put down without crying and sleeps through the night! He is much happier during the day and naps consistently too! We are so much happier and have more energy than we did two weeks ago!