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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neighbour

24 replies

user87382294757 · 27/06/2019 09:22

First he stole our bin bag (black bag the council says we need to use now or bin will not be collected.) It even says our flat number on it!

Last week, I got the bin bag back, after collection and gave it to DH in the hall on way to school run. The neighbour then got it back off DH saying it was his!

He has also been asking for more and more favours. First DH helped him and his son, move a piece of furniture from his flat. Since then, he keeps bumping into me and saying "Is DH around" as if he just is sitting waiting at home to do jobs for him. I explain he is working / busy and he needs to speak to him if he wants something. It's usually plumbing or odd jobs.

We do already do quite a bit for our neighbours such as pay a weekly cleaner for the shared hall (and ask for money at end of year) and other things such as arranging servicing of the communal fire alarm which involves notifying and arranging access to the other flats.

It is not a question of cost, this is the neighbours second home, and I feel this is a but much.

It came to a head last night, because as he hasn't got in touch with DH the neighbour has not started ringing out flat buzzer at around 9pm (so just after DC gone to bed) trying to get hold if him that way!

We actually hid yesterday. Blush but both is us are quite cross. Neighbour has a son but he told us he 'could not cope with the children' when they were young and left. So, maybe not much support there, but anyway that is not really our business.

AIBU to think he could just get a handyman / plumber, and we are not some kind of housekeepers? I am avoiding him now but know he will soon pop up and say "Is DH around" in fact think he waits and pops out at times.

Oh, with the bin bag, I have already contacted the council to ask for more including one with his flat on, so that might help, when it arrives. It is just the other requests. DH is now saying he wants to move because of this. Sad

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/06/2019 09:24

Stop hiding and tell him you can't help!

And point out the number on the bag to prove it's yours.

(Never heard of reusable bin bags before...)

Howyiz · 27/06/2019 09:28

For the live of God just ask him what he wants and say No, you are too busy, he will have to pay someone.
Maybe he has the wrong end of the stick and thinks you are the building supervisor as you seem to take on that role.
Be a grown up and have a conversation.

user87382294757 · 27/06/2019 09:29

I think he has gone away to his other home in Cornwall as he left a letter with his keys in it for us, in the hall.

The bin bags are quite annoying as they have no handle, it is like a think black bag to out your actual bin bag in. Last week, as we didn't have it, the seagulls got in to ours and then, he even buzzed about that (the mess) again at around 9pm! Didn't seem to think that it he hadn't taken ours that wouldn't have happened!

Our other neighbour has let us 'share' their outer bin bag until a new one arrives for him, hopefully then I can swap them round.

OP posts:
IsabellaLinton · 27/06/2019 09:29

He sounds like a nightmare. Stop hiding from him - he won’t get the message. You need to tell him bluntly that you can’t help him. And keep repeating it. No excuses, so apologies, no explanations - you can’t help him. And mean it!

user87382294757 · 27/06/2019 09:30

thinks you are the building supervisor as you seem to take on that role

DH helps with the management committee. We will be having a meeting of all the flat owners in the Autumn so we could also state that there.

OP posts:
whatsthecomingoverthehill · 27/06/2019 09:31

YABU for hiding and just not saying no.

Smelborp · 27/06/2019 09:32

It sounds like you aren’t setting any boundaries with him. Why on earth did your DH give him your bag back? Just say no.

StealthPolarBear · 27/06/2019 09:33

Does he think you're in charge in some way

OliviaBenson · 27/06/2019 09:34

If he's left his keys for you go in and get your bin bag back and then just post the keys through the door and tell him you cannot help.

GruciusMalfoy · 27/06/2019 09:35

He sounds like a pain, but you'll never get rid of him unless you're totally blunt. "Please stop ringing our bell at 9pm, we have children who are trying to sleep". "Sorry, no DH is going to be extremely busy for the foreseeable future and won't be able to help."

He'll take take take unless told no.

Ghostontoast · 27/06/2019 09:45

Do what OliviaBenson posted (just do it don’t discuss with your DH he sounds a little bit on the wuss side).

DontCallMeShitley · 27/06/2019 09:50

Just tell him your DH is not the handyman for the block and give him an invoice for stuff already done.

TheSerenDipitY · 27/06/2019 09:54

when he rings the bell at 9pm next time, open the door real fast and ask what the hell do you want at 9 o clock at night???? all savage like and then tell him he has woken the baby and hes not to bloody ring the bell again, call him an inconsiderate twat for good measure and then shut the door, firmly... he wont bother you again

steppemum · 27/06/2019 09:55

I think YABU, because you need to speak to him and not hide etc.

Speak to him and say - we are not caretakers of these flats. It is not up to us to do yoru repairs, and odd jobs. We just organise the cleaner.
While were are happy to do the odd neighbourly help, liek when we moved th efurniture, we do not want to be on hand to do your jobs, please arange your own plumber etc.

Please do not ring our buzzer after 9 pm as it wakes up our kids.
Please stop taking our bin bag, it clearly has our house number on it.

then smile and wakl away.

floribunda18 · 27/06/2019 10:16

He sounds like a pain, but you'll never get rid of him unless you're totally blunt

Just tell him to actually fuck the fucking fuckity fuck off. How are you actually calm with this idiot?

fedup21 · 27/06/2019 10:20

Stop hiding and tell him what you’ve told us.

Man up.

Brittany2019 · 27/06/2019 10:43

Why are you both being complete wimps about this? Just tell him No.

mumwon · 27/06/2019 10:50

write him a note: state while your dh is on management committee he is not a caretaker & it is not his role & if n needs work on his flat he should employ someone (if you feel nice give a checkatrade connection!) :)

user87382294757 · 28/06/2019 09:32

I think we are trying to be kind as we all live in the same building and need to get along to some extent, and also as he is getting older - had a heart op last year. Having elderly parents ourselves we can see he is struggling a bit.

Another things which is happening now, is he is trying to ask for money from the shared 'pot' from the management committee for use for some work in his own flat (own work is usually separate) so DH will have to say no to that also, or at least discuss it at the next meeting with all the flat owners.

It's kind of hard to see an older person struggle - but he does in fact have a lot of money as his properties will be worth loads and he does have two of them also.

Anyway he does have these sons I guess so he does have some family and where do you draw the line.

OP posts:
Azadewow · 28/06/2019 09:53

Yabu for letting him act like that. Your husband would rather move than confront him and tell him to fuck off... Madness! Both of you need to grow up and deal with him ffs

Howyiz · 28/06/2019 10:45

A simple no, work for individual flats is paid for by the owner, is enough.
I find it unbelievable that neither you nor your husband are capable of having a simple adult conversation. You both need therapy.

storm11111 · 28/06/2019 12:24

You & hubby do need to toughen up a bit OP.

Being straight up with someone and saying no doesn't have to be confrontational and rude. You just say how it is in a very calm pleasant manner.

You sound like on one hand you don't mind giving him a hand here and there and on there other hand you do. You need to work out exactly where your boundaries are and spell it out to him.

Hi David,

How are you? Hows it going? blah blah blah, Oh before i forget, i need to tell you that DH is pretty busy during the week what with work and the kids but he could maybe lend a hand for an hour on a Sunday afternoon now and again. Also, if you need to speak to us, do you mind calling before 7, as the kids are just getting settled for bed and its a nightmare to get them back to sleep once they're up again!

Or just a straight 'no' is equally acceptable...

DH is pretty busy with everything going on at the moment so can't really spare any time to come help you out however I know this fabulous handyman and if you give him a call he will look after you.

SavingSpaces2019 · 28/06/2019 13:45

well get assertive with him and tell him 'no!' -and tell him to stop stealing your bin bag!
If you lay yourself down to be a doormat then people like him will take liberties.

Nanny0gg · 28/06/2019 18:58

How old is he?

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