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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"Just Relax"

2 replies

ShootingStar94 · 27/06/2019 09:19

Not really an AIBU but I wasn't sure where else to post this.

Someone close to me has said this a few times now, and I'm trying to explain that it isn't a good thing to say to couples who are TTC.

I have a number of friends who have been struggling to conceive, and I know that telling them to "just relax and it will happen" is unhelpful and insensitive. But I am unable to successfully express why it is - he just doesn't get it and he thinks it is important advice to impart - therefore potentially upsetting people.

My argument is that firstly by telling someone to relax you are implying that they are in some way to blame for not yet conceiving, and secondly that if for example the woman isn't ovulating or the man has a low sperm count, no amount of relaxing will make a difference, and it might actually hold them up from seeking successful medical help.

For what it's worth, he and his wife got pregnant on their first time trying, twice, and one of those pregnancies was twins - so they are quite smug about how they "just relaxed and it happened". On the other hand I am probably more aware because my parents took over 10 years to get pregnant and have concerns that I will have the same struggle.

Have you got any suggestions on how I can respond to this comment? Has anyone has a similar conversation?

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 27/06/2019 09:46

Yes being told to relax when ttc is shit. I would be tempted to say “well I’m glad it was so easy for you but some of us are not so lucky”.

Imaysnapandfart · 27/06/2019 09:48

"Important advice to impart"? Sounds like a mansplainer if ever I heard one.

I'd be tempted to go for, "Is that your professional medical advice then?" or similar.

That would really piss me off, OP, I'm surprised you haven't kicked him in the balls been more strident with him!

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