To think that mobile tech and social media have made our social lives worse, not better

[IThrewItOnTheGround]

I recently had a conversation with a much younger colleague about what it was like to be at university before the advent of mobile phone technology and before the Internet was such a big deal. I'm not that old really, but mobiles weren't really ubiquitous until after I graduated. Email was around, but most people only had dial-up Internet access at home, if at all, so you would only check your emails once a day at most. Anyway, my colleague couldn't get her head around this and said something to the effect that she was amazed we ever managed to go out or meet up with each other!

I agree that mobiles have improved things in some ways. You can let someone know if you're running late to meet them, instead of leaving them hanging around for you - but the flip side of that is that people no longer have to make the effort to be anywhere on time. It's useful for people with social anxiety who prefer texting to phone conversations, and it's great for emergencies of course. And I do use social media to stay in touch with people that otherwise would have fallen off the radar. BUT I also see so many threads on here where people have become upset/annoyed/anxious/angry because:

• they can see that bloke they're seeing has been on WhatsApp all evening but hasn't messaged them
• they've received an ambiguously-worded text and they've been stewing for hours over what it actually means
• they've been ghosted because the person they were messaging has suddenly dropped them, probably in pursuit of a better prospect
• their friend only ever posts on Facebook to wang on about their running or cycling times
• they've been snooping on their partner's phone and have found some flirty texts or messages, and they can't decide whether this means they're having an affair or not
• the WhatsApp message they sent five hours ago has two blue ticks to show it's been read, but he hasn't replied yet
• they expect to be in contact with their partner pretty much constantly throughout the day, and when they don't hear from them in a while they instantly assume that something has gone wrong
• they're part of a group message that has gone the wrong way and somebody has taken offence at the way somebody else has phrased something

Before all this, nobody expected to have that level of contact with anyone else, really. You might spend all day with your school friends but you wouldn't expect to have access to them all evening as well. Vice versa your partner if you were both out at work during the day, you might call them at some point but otherwise you'd just see them later on.

Am I alone in thinking that this doesn't represent a change for the better? People just seem so much more anxious about their personal relationships now.

I think you're right in that SM hasn't made life better for people in general.

I completely agree. I've personally found that since I left Facebook, I have virtually no contact with so many friends now. I'll drop them a text now and again but it seems that most are really not interested in keeping in touch if it's not through social media. I'm still not reactivating my account though as I found Facebook really quite superficial and a bit depressing.

I am slightly with you on the social media side but not really on the technology side.

My DH has recently done a first aid course and you can now be tracked if dialling 999 for location so they can get there quickly. You can put 999 on loudspeaker so they help talk you through things in an emergency.

This is only one example I realise but having a phone with all its extras makes life so much easier for many things.

As for the other things you mentioned - I went to school in the 90s and remember having spent all day with friends then calling them on the landline for over an hour talk thus annoying my parents greatly. It happened then but in a different format, instead of being on What's App, I was not paying attention to my family because I wanted to read a magazine.

I do agree though that the pressure of group messages, social media etc is much more than when I was young.

I do think mobile technologies in particular have disrupted our tolerance for being bored and alone. I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing.

Can only speak for myself, but it's made it easier for me to keep in contact with family abroad (I moved country about 20 years ago) through video calls etc. And it's also good for meeting up with people spontaneously (eg - if I finished shopping earlier than expected, I can send a quick group message to friends to see if anyone is about and fancies a coffee). Plans for the weekend are usually made via e-mail during the week, to see who is free and when. I don't feel it makes it fine to be late - although it can take the stress out of it if something unexpected happens. But showing up half an hour late for dinner is generally not done among my own friends anyway.

That said, my use is pretty minimal - I look at Facebook the odd day to see what friends I don't see often might be up to (and I've 'only' got about 30 friends on FB), and I use the instant messaging. I read the news on the tram to work in the morning, that kind of thing. I make a lot of use of the knitting website, Ravelry, which is an amazing resource if you're into knitting/crochet.
I've not really had any of the issues mentioned in the OP, probably because most of my friends use mobile tech in much the same way I do.

I'm mid-40s, so didn't have any of this at school/university. I don't feel my own life was any the poorer OR better for it.

VenusofWillendorf oh, don't get me wrong, I don't suffer any of the issues in my OP either. I use FB but I only have about 100 friends and everyone on there is someone I know in real life. I'm on WhatsApp but I don't have big group conversations, I just use it for arranging to meet people. It was more something I've picked up from looking at threads on here, particularly in Relationships, where people are thinking that their partners must not like them any more because he didn't immediately reply to their message or something.

I'll drop them a text now and again but it seems that most are really not interested in keeping in touch if it's not through social media

Now if yo usaid you borthered to sit down and actually write a letter, but you're just choosing a different electronic tech medium to use. Or even better, the phone.

Not all young people are totally into social media. My son in his twenties is very cagy on it. He and his mates use it for cheap messaging but not as a sort of proxy life.

You’re right.

New rules for me:

Check email daily
Phone off for two hours AM and PM.
No phones in bedroom

I’m setting a bad example and it’s shit.

I'm old enough to have grown up without SM but young enough to remember MSN.

I'm less creative, I procrastinate more, I read fewer books and I write less.

I'm disappointed in myself. There's so much demanding distraction.

But I wouldn't want to be without Google Maps, TripAdvisor or BBC News.

As the OP's list demonstrates many problems have social media at their root. Omitted though is the effect of on line bullying, it cant be ignored that the increase in mental health problems amount young people mirrors the increased use of social media.

I was on another thread about increased security for internet banking, and said I didn't have, want or need a smartphone. One poster expressed astonishment that an able bodied middle class 50 something was in the 10% of those who don't have a smartphone (the rest of that 10% being too poor, or unable to use a smartphone due to disabilities apparently). I have better things to spend my money on than a smartphone.

I really loathe the assumption that one has to buy into all this tech. It's a tool, not the be all and bloody end all. Why do we judge ( and it was judging) those who don't want to be tied to a gadget all day long?

I refuse to use Facebook (I'd prefer not to be adding to Nick Clegg's salary), yet companies try to push you towards it. With the new banking regs it is expected by some banks you'll download their app...in order to verify who you are...nope, not on my mobile, as it just does calls and text.

Yes, I use a PC for looking at stitching sites, MN, reading the paper, checking the bank account, shopping, email, and cooking sites, but I don't spend my life on there. I use it when I need to do something, but not as a substitute for real life.

Oh I'm in that 10 % too then. I'm surprised it is so low tbh, my family must be slow adapters!

I think u are probably right.

I think people and certainly children are growing up now feeling they have to he entertained all the time. Plus no one has to plan anymore or problem solve.

When we were at school we had to write down our homework. Ask the teacher questions if we didnt understand something. And plan when we were going to do it as it required a bus to town to go to the library or staying after school when the library was open.

Now everyone just sends screen shots or gets on WhatsApp and Hopes one if their many contacts ( very few actual friends) knows what you have to do.

Then they live in panic because there's too much info out there they just dont know what one to use. It's gone from one.or 2 books to multiple links on Google.

No one can problem solve any more because everything is expected to be instant and when it's not no one keeps trying. They have lost the ability to research, problem solve, organise, think ahead, plan etc

They also struggle with not being the centre of attention cos face book is one big "look at me" when you get to class and are one of 30 and the teacher dont even know your name let alone your snap chat story that transposes at a loss of confidence not a sense of proportion in reality.

It has its uses.

But I'd rather schools and colleges went back to basics. Learn to write and read and present work nicely. Anyone can Google an answer. You can't Google how to get to that answer. How to weed out information that's not correct or plan ahead to order a book in. And to stay focused and keep trying.

I freely admit I'm.probably just as bad I try not to be...

It's made things worse in my opinion, not least because people (and I include myself in this) think less of last minute cancelling-there is no embarrassment to it anymore when you can just dash off a quick watts app). In our group on any given night out at least one person will do this-and that didn't used to happen.

The wealth of information available has been both a good thing and a bad thing in my opinion. I wrote my university dissertation with the help of just two books on the subject (it was quite a niche topic) and had to do a lot of my thinking for myself. If I was doing it now, I could Google it and there would probably be a lot more information available. That would be good in a way, as I might come across perspectives I hadn't thought of before and it would help to increase the breadth of my writing, but at the same time, you can't always tell where the information has come from or test its accuracy. It must be frustrating for teachers and lecturers marking 30 essays on a particular topic to come across the same bit of Wikipedia copied and pasted and paraphrased slightly differently in almost all of them.

the problem isn't social media
the problem is boundaries

some people refuse to set any. They are the same people who are horrified that I don't answer my door if I don't know who it is or am not expecting someone.

I think pre social media, those people just felt other social pressures more.

Totally agree with you on this issue.

It has made people more superficial and self absorbed. They attend an event or go out, but they are not fully engaged, their focus is their phone, or if they are at an event they are uploading somewhere to get likes etc. An actor on Graham Norton Show recently said that in the theatre he was doing a place in, an audience member was on a laptop!

Tech has definitely made my attention span lessen. I have pulled back from that recently and am reading more books and doing stuff without looking online, but when you make a conscious effort not to pick up your phone initially it is like a siren call and takes some ignoring.

Tech is a wonderful thing, but it is starting to rule us because as others have said, we don't set boundaries. I am having a tech free weekend for no reason other than I want to go offline.