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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m confused

20 replies

Clefay · 26/06/2019 22:33

I posted under AIBU as don’t know what else to list it under.

I went to visit my mum with my kids and I arrived at her place earlier today.

Out of courtesy the visit was planned and arranged in advance and we arranged a 4 day & night visit.

We don’t have a very good relationship but my mum is old and the kids requested to meet her before she’s ‘gone’.

The part where everything went wrong was when mum barged into the bathroom when it was being used by me (there isn’t a lock on the door and the door is left open when the room is not being used and this is what she told us so she is well aware of it) and when I complained she said that since it’s her house she can do what she wants.

Was she ALLOWED to do this?

Sine then I have obviously found a hotel to stay at with DC’s but wtf?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2019 22:38

Christ on a bike. She sounds charming. Confused

I would be heading home tomorrow to not waste any more of my hard earned money on a hotel room.

Kel801 · 26/06/2019 22:39

Of course she is ALLOWED to do it. What would not allow it?
Whether it’s right or decent is another thing. I’d be at a hotel too x

Heratnumber7 · 26/06/2019 22:40

Might she be a bit demented? How old is she?

Lazypuppy · 26/06/2019 22:41

You're mum barged in the bathroom and now you're in a hotel...what an over reaction! YABU

Lazypuppy · 26/06/2019 22:43

Your*

BlueSuffragette · 26/06/2019 22:49

Think she was a bit thoughtless. Did she do similar when u were growing up? Think you have over reacted a bit by going straight to a hotel. Maybe you could have talked about it and set some future boundaries. If not, then maybe move out.

Original poster
Clefay · 26/06/2019 22:50

I don’t want to give out her exact age for privacy reasons but she’s in her 60’s and has a condition that means she’ll die some time in the near future. I don’t think it causes dementia though and she shouldn’t have it at that age - surely?

OP posts:
Original poster
Clefay · 26/06/2019 22:51

No she never did this to me when I was growing up so it was completely unexpected

OP posts:
Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 26/06/2019 22:51

You’ve left and gone to a hotel because she walked into the bathroom? Sounds a bit extreme. Does she always ignore boundaries?

Sunshine93 · 26/06/2019 22:53

Theres a thing called early onset dementia.

Is this the only thing she did? If so I think you overreacted. It may have been accidental, she normally lives alone so may have forgotten you were there.

And what do you mean is she allowed, it's not illegal.

Gazelda · 26/06/2019 22:53

Was she aware you were in there? Did she go into the bathroom for a specific purpose (eg fetch a clean towel) or was she just wandering in for a chat?

It seems to me, without further context, as though you've maybe over reacted. But you know your DM and I don't.

ConfCall · 26/06/2019 22:55

If she is sixtyish and terminally ill OP, she’s probably confused, overwhelmed, scared, angry. Hence, her behaviour will be questionable at times. Maybe cut her some slack.

Luaa · 26/06/2019 22:57

If my mum had done that to me and then when I'd spoken to her about it said it was her house and she'd do what she wanted, I'd respond by saying I wouldn't stay then. So I don't think you are overreacting op. People seem to have ignored your mums response. She didn't barge in and then later apologise. She barged in and basically said she would keep on barging in and ignoring your boundaries.

ChocolateCakeTime · 26/06/2019 23:06

Was there anything in the bathroom she was hiding?

It was absolutely inappropriate, her bathroom or not. A friend’s mother started doing inappropriate things before she died (brain tumour). She would talk about her son’s body in an improper way 😕. Her doctor said it just happened to some people...

Whatever, you are right to leave especially as you have children with you.

C0untDucku1a · 26/06/2019 23:08

I agree with Luaa.

Lycanthropology · 26/06/2019 23:42

I'm inclined to think that she "barged" in because she's used to being alone and not having to remember about others in her house. Perhaps OP shouted at her, so that's why she got defensive and said she could do what she liked in her own home.
Who knows.... problem is we only ever get one side of a story here.

I'm inclined to think the OP overreacted.

Halo1234 · 27/06/2019 00:04

Its obviously inappropriate to barge into a bathroom when you know someone is using it. I would agree with what others have said that she might be confused/not thinking clearly/has dementia/having symptoms from her terminal illness. Who knows. If it's not her normal behaviour I would try and cut her some slack. You obviously you are 100% in the right. What she did was wrong but was her intention to behave awfully deliberately? Hope u can sort it with her and enjoy your visit.

Heratnumber7 · 28/06/2019 21:24

My MIL had early onset dementia in her early 60s. She used to do things like that, and her personality changed too.

MyFokMarelize · 28/06/2019 21:27

Do you think if you told us that she was, for instance, 68 that that would somehow identify her?

Weird upon weird.

tealandteal · 28/06/2019 21:37

Was it the first time your children had met her? Maybe a 4 night visit was a bit much if so, if you haven't seen her in some time. She was BU regarding the bathroom.

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