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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to contact the school?

26 replies

PollyEsterblouse · 26/06/2019 21:14

I was walking along the pavement this afternoon. Coming towards me were four teenagers in school uniform, filling the pavement entirely.

I walked to one side of them, the non-traffic side of the pavement, up against a tall brick wall.

The girl on the end didn't allow me to pass. She barged me, then shouted, "Little ugly bitch."

For what it's worth, I'm one of life's nice people. I don't go around glaring at people, looking to start fights. I'm chilled and kind, and did absolutely nothing to provoke this.

I'm also a physically small adult: I'm 5'2" and flyweight, an easy target. The girl was several inches taller than me, and I'm visibly old enough to be her grandmother.

Do I find out which school they were from? Is there any point? I can't name her, after all. Most of me wants to let it go, rise above, and remember that most people are good people, but part of me wants to stand up to those who aren't.

OP posts:

AppropriateAdult · 26/06/2019 21:18

Oh, I would definitely tell the school, if you can identify it by the uniform. Even if they don't know which pupil it was, a general bollocking at assembly wouldn't do any harm.

I'm so sorry this happened, OP, that sort of abuse is so awful and humiliating to receive. Hope you're ok now

GreenTulips · 26/06/2019 21:18

Just had an email from school today about students behavior to and from school - a neighbor of the school a complaint

So they do deal with it

Justathinslice · 26/06/2019 21:19

Yep, tell the school. 100%

5greenflowers · 26/06/2019 21:19

Definitely tell the school.

TulipCat · 26/06/2019 21:21

Yes absolutely notify the school. Most secondary schools take this type of thing seriously. Even if they don't know exactly who it was, the head can still give the general talk on behaviour in the community.

newmomof1 · 26/06/2019 21:22

I'd contact the school.

She will be nasty to the wrong person one day and karma will bite hard!

Pipandmum · 26/06/2019 21:24

Our school says when in uniform you are representing the school. They are strict on behaviour and they would definitely take your complaint up and reiterate at assembly the rules and how important it is to behave well.

Creatureofthenight · 26/06/2019 21:26

Yes I’d contact the school.
We were always told that if we were in uniform we were representing our school and our behaviour should reflect that.

popsadaisy · 26/06/2019 21:28

Tell the school definitely. I am 26 now but I remember a similar incident happening when I was in school. I can't remember the exact details now but a number of pupils (whilst in their uniform) did something untoward and a member of public complained to the school who took it very very seriously pulled us all into year group assemblies and absolutely went in on us (I'll never forget it!) it went on and on and obviously it wasn't all of us who had acted that way but they managed to find out exactly who it was in the end and punish them so is worth doing I think!

SudowoodoVoodoo · 26/06/2019 21:29

Yes let the school know. Any decent school cares about how it is represented in the community. It's common for these kinds of general issue to be addressed in assembly and could add detail to any linked incidents.

LolaSmiles · 26/06/2019 21:31

Another vote here for contacting the school. We take conduct to and from school seriously and would be giving talks to year groups at the start of an assembly for it.

cunningartificer · 26/06/2019 21:38

Contact the school and give as much detail and description of the children as you can. Chances are they’ll be able to narrow it down. We’ve done this and got positive ID from a member of the public and been able to identify and sanction the children concerned—so much better than a general assembly, though backed up by one as well.

pippop1317 · 26/06/2019 21:39

I live near a school, and a while back 3 girls would hang outside my house. Littering and smoking. I had no way of knowing who they were. But I contacted the school, and never saw the girls again!

Jeremybearimybaby · 26/06/2019 21:40

I had a similar situation a few years ago, I complained to the school and they spoke to the pupils. Definitely worth reporting.

ASauvignonADay · 26/06/2019 21:41

Yup, definitely!

Almostfifty · 26/06/2019 21:42

A similar thing happened to my DC when he was walking home from Primary with pupils from the local high school. I contacted the school, and the HT went up to the Primary with the year book photos, sat down with DC to see if he could recognise them and he pointed them out.

They got into rather a lot of trouble.

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 21:42

100% contact the school. I feel angry on your behalf.

ChicCroissant · 26/06/2019 21:44

Another yes to contacting the school from me. My DD's school have teachers standing outside when they leave to keep an eye on them all!

Original poster

PollyEsterblouse · 26/06/2019 21:47

Thank you all for your unanimous thoughts: I'll work out where they're from. It isn't a local school, so the number of their pupils who get off the bus in this neighbourhood must be fairly small.

@AppropriateAdult thank you for your sweet words. I'm absolutely fine: it takes more than that to shake me up, and I'm old and crinkly enough to know that people only end up humiliating themselves when they do this kind of thing.

We always had the "representing the school" talk, too. It seems pretty obvious that you can be traced back to a building by what you're wearing, but there are always one or two who forget :)

OP posts:

ReasonablyIntelligent · 26/06/2019 22:45

Just saying the same as everyone else.
Contact the school.

I remember having several assemblies on "representing the school" and I do remember seeing some students being pulled up on anti-social behaviour.

It needs to be addressed now and hopefully they'll pack that shit in before becoming adults.

Maiyakat · 26/06/2019 22:46

I think what response you get will depend on the school. I contacted a local school after one of the pupils walked up to my car when we were stuck in traffic and lobbed a lump of ice so hard at my windscreen that it chipped it. Never heard anything back. At least it crossed that school of the list for potential high schools for DD!

Sunshine93 · 26/06/2019 22:49

Contact the school with a physical description and the fact they must get a particular bus I bet they can identify the child. Even if they can't they can have an assembly with all the users of that bus, they might even be able to get a pcso in.

RosaWaiting · 26/06/2019 22:54

I’d be tempted to walk the same way with a couple of large friends tomorrow....

Seriously, on my day off, I don’t go out at school closing time and I’ve told my elderly mum she must never run errands at that time. I’d tell the school but sadly nothing happens really.

Boysey45 · 26/06/2019 22:56

I would and I'd tell the school you are thinking about reporting the matter to the police because you felt so threatened and intimidated.

NeverSayFreelance · 26/06/2019 23:58

I get this kind of shit all the time. I'm a 5"2 gal in my early 20s with a baby face that is ID'd on a daily basis - and certain school kids assume I'm one of them and decide to start shit. Tell the school.

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