To be feeling like an imposter/out of my depth?

[WHAT91]

I've just recently been promoted to a managerial position and now oversee a small team. I have worked in the industry for seven years and at this company for two.

While I've been getting excellent feedback from the senior managers and executives of the company, I'm fighting an internal battle. I manage someone who has been there for years, is slightly older than me, and is a bit stubborn but I get along with fine. I've also just recently taken on a new employee who is also a few years older than me. I haven't managed people at this level before and feel a bit out of my depth.

I know I'm capable of the job, and have been working hard to meet and exceed expectations, but I have started to notice, particularly while training the new start, that sometimes I lose my confidence and my brain goes into overdrive. This sometimes happens mid sentence and I sound like a bumbling idiot.

The relationships with some of the people who I've got on well with during my time at the company have changed slightly. Not necessarily in a bad way, they're just not as open or forthcoming now my position has changed. Or is this me reading into things too much...

I'm also finding that I'm doubting and judging myself a lot. I really want to be confident and conduct myself in a friendly and confident manner but just have such a negative feeling of doubt and that I shouldn't be in that position and it's getting me down.

I guess I'm wondering if others have felt this way and if anyone has any advice on how to feel more positive professionally and believe in my abilities?

I think it's normal to feel this way when you take a big step up. You're obviously doing a good job from the feedback you're getting but I wonder if some training specifically around Leadership and Management would make you feel more confident? However competent you are and however well you know your industry, it's a big step to go from being part of a team to managing a team. Your own Manager should be supporting and coaching you to make that transition so if you feel overwhelmed don't be afraid to ask for support.

No advice, sorry, but I can empathise. I was thinking almost the exact same thought today and wondering how I can get past it. I know, rationally, that I’m more than competent at my job and have done far, far more challenging things in my life. But various factors have worn me down and I realise how little self-confidence I have a lot of the time now. I’m seeing a psych but feel I should be doing more to try to build myself up again. Just don’t know what given I’m pretty successful at convincing myself I’m a failure so will follow this thread. Maybe you should talk with someone about this too.

Thank you. I will request support and possibly some additional training. But I hope this feeling passes before then as I know I'm capable but seem to convince myself I'm not. Your situation sounds similar tympanic.

And also, thank you to both of you for making it all the way through my VERY long post!

Imposter Syndrome is so draining and extremely common, especially among women.

You are forever second guessing yourself, doubting yourself but if you are getting excellent feedback then you are doing a good job. I think on a certain level you already know this but it is dealing with the negative self talk.

I would look at NLP; there are a number of techniques that can help. You might find that simply reframing negative comments, such as "I don't know how to do this" to "I can work out how to do this", will help a lot.

And yes, I have been through it myself, and it takes away the enjoyment of moving forward in your chosen career, which is why I now work with women in the workplace who need help with overcoming that negative self talk.

Be kind to yourself. You've got this!

Congratulations on your achievement! I would look to see if you can find a network within your industry? Finding a mentor is really invaluable but just having other professionals to bounce off really helps. There’s also a measure of ‘fake it til you make it’ Is there anyone senior who you really admire?

I remember saying this to one of the directors and being astonished to get the reply “Anyone who is good at what they do feels like this, it’s the ones who don’t that you have to be wary of.”
One of the best things I was told by a senior when I got promoted was to remember that I was no longer “one of the girls”, so being friendly etc was fine, but keeping a certain level of reserve was necessary too IYSWIM.

Thanks all. Interesting and very important line of work StardustSprinkle. A mentor is definitely something I'm going to go for.

FadedRed keeping relationships solely professional is a whole other challenge on its own and another aspect of my new role that concerns me. I'm usually part of the banter etc. But will need to be very wary of this.

Anyone have any coping/confidence/leadership tips?

Sorry sent Post too soon.

I'm conscious Monday is rolling back around and because I love my job, I absolutely want to start the week on a positive note. I saw this on Instagram and it made me laugh and felt slightly relevant.

A few people went out for some nibbles and drink on Friday - I stayed for an hour and on the whole, everyone was fine
But there were a couple of people with icy attitudes.

Imposter Syndrome is so draining and extremely common, especially among women.

I would agree with this. I wish I knew the answer but I feel this all the time and have done for about 15 years.

It's so bloody tiring.

I'm sorry to hear that

I've been reading into it and from what I see, there are different strands of it. There's one in particular that screams "me". But the worrying thing is, I think that this goes far deeper and is actually applicable in my personal life too.

Leadership has a whole library of its own (lots of it bullshit) but my favourite is - some leaders say ‘follow me’ but the good ones say ‘let’s go’. It’s more about finding your best mindset than following a set of guidelines though. Be very clear about what you need your team to achieve, and support them to deliver. Have a strategy for yourself, where will you go next?
You’d might be surprised how many very senior managers have coaches.

My current line manager only moved into his first management (of other people role) 4 months ago; he's open about the fact that he's still finding his way. Nice guy but transparent bundle of insecurities in his baggage. I don't think you're unusual, very common feelings, esp. for new managers.

I, on other hand, have come from a job (of many years) where i had nominal line manager but I barely ever saw him; fairly feral workplace. So adjustment for me has been... amusing.

A few months ago I unexpectedly got my former bosses job after a series of traumatic events. I was newly qualified to do it and suddenly found myself contributing at a whole new level.

I had to find a whole load of confidence from somewhere and did the fake it until you make it thing. So far so good. I'm now comfortable just being honest when I'm unsure about something and have generally loved the challenge.

Very ready for a holiday though. It's exhausting being consciously incompetent

I love "let's go!" absolutely brilliant.

And we'll done carlywurly, sounds like you're doing a great job!

I'd love to hear from the people who voted that IABU?