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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect dh to support me in this

8 replies

mummy2aaron · 26/07/2007 13:03

Mil's boyfriend is going away for a couple of days and she asked dh if she could come and stay. We have no room for her honestly and she is a stranger to the children (2 of which have sn), my fault in a way I suppose but she is always drunk. She has had many invites but prefers to go to the pub with bf. Anyway we said she could come for her tea tonight and dh would stay over with her tomorrow as he has a golf comp early on Saturday and she lives nearer. I got back in this morning to a message basically telling me I was a bitch and I never help her out (she forgets that we put on hold starting a family while her husband was dying and basically stayed with her on and off for a year whilst he was in and out of hospital, she begrudged us a night of for my birthday at the time) and that i was a was a terrible mother and person in general. Her parting words were 'Get Knotted'.

I think we were being quite accomodating I see no reason she can't stay at home on her own tbh. I rang dh and told him, I also told him I was really upset and she had better not come. He rang her and she says says she can't remember having done such a thing ffs. Thank god I kept the message on the answering machine. Dh is doubting me!!! He should be loyal to me surely, he never sees his mum unless she wants something and she has been found out in so many lies stirring between him and his brothers frankly I have no idea why when she does want him he is so happy to rush to her side.

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LoveAngel · 26/07/2007 13:05

Sounds like she is a raging alcoholic with possible emtnal health problems...hmmm...tricky one..

mummy2aaron · 26/07/2007 13:18

she has actually been assessed by a doctor for mental health problems as she kept turning up at bils house unannounced and sil was concerned, there was no dx given they thought she was ok.

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lizziemun · 26/07/2007 13:20

As loveangel says she does sound like she has some mental health problems.

Let him hear the message, but do not let him delete it. If she comes to dinner tommorrow and starts making coments about it then play it back to her and ask her to explain herself and see what happens.

mummy2aaron · 26/07/2007 13:28

I can't have her here though and pretend everything is ok I am really upset. Life is hard enough with a son with asd and a daughter with severe speech and langauage problems newly dx which I am trying to come to terms with, I also have another son as well, whenever she does come she upsets them terribly.

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kyala · 26/07/2007 13:51

'Get Knotted' eh?! Very respectable words form a grandmother LOL

"Dh is doubting me!!! He should be loyal to me surely, he never sees his mum unless she wants something and she has been found out in so many lies stirring between him and his brothers " but then again, no matter what she does, she's his mum. I know, my mum's a nutcase too but she lives in another country now so I'm more accomodating to her needs LOL

Sounds like you need to speak with DH first, starting tyhe convo "I know she's your mum and you love her and that will never change but you need to take a step back and look at her as a real person. . . ."
Worked with me when I had to tell myself that my mum's a nutter. . . .Come to think of it I was talking to myself!!!! LOL

Just be honest with him, let him know exactly how you feel and see if there can be a better arrangement. He can't deny you the truth, can he?!

Good luck, hope it all goes well

mummy2aaron · 28/07/2007 07:55

Well dh went and stayed there Thursday and last night, while I was vomiting as I am not too well. Nice that. She can't sleep in the apartment alone and rather than her be a zombie the next day it's better to leave me on my own sick with 3 children, 2 of which have problems sleeping, ds2 because of his autism is up for the day at 4am and DD just doesnt sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. She sent me a £50 cheque to say sorry with a note to say sorry I was nasty, which I have returned. It seems she now admits to having done it, now she realises I still have the message. Thank goodness her bf is back today she is itching to get back to the pub.

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lizziemun · 28/07/2007 08:08

mummy2aaron,

Sorry you are ill, hope you are better soon.

I glad you kept the message she left, so she had to face up to what she had done. I would have sent the cheque back as well.

Get your DH to look after the children while you go back to bed.

mummy2aaron · 28/07/2007 08:09

thanks lizziemum but he has a golf comp today, i will make sure i get some time off tomorrow though even if it's just for a long soak in peace.

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