To do what my friend did to me

[Welltroddenpath]

Close friend has recently got divorced and said when her money came in we would go away for a weekend together. We both have had a few rough years and supported each other. So it was her suggestion, I presumed I was paying my own way. All good.

THe weekend after her money came in she did the exact trip she had been discussing with me for months, but with her sister. I raised my eyebrows a bit but not upset as it was her suggestion in the first place. She deserves it, I’m happy for her.

But during this time I had also said wouldn’t it be lovely to go on a holiday we both want to go on and a place we love and have never seen. Now she has the money she says after she has paid some things off she will book. But no looking at dates, hotels. No real plans at all.

Aibu in thinking that it was just talk to get through a hard time and it’s not going to happen? Thing is I really want to go to go on this holiday, got excited and have other people who I talked to about it. Those other people will come with me.

So. How do I go about going on the holiday now? Do I not mention us two going then just go next year myself? I don’t know why I worry really as she did the sister trip without explaining it to me. I wasn’t upset so surely she will be fine too?

Would you rather do the holiday with a friend, or are you equally happy to do it alone?

I’d sit her down and say you are really keen to go on the holiday, does she want to come with you? Say you’d love to go with her, but because you really want to do the holiday, you would go without her if she’s not up for it. Give her a week or two to consider it, but ask her to tell you either way.

Then you’ll know, and you can book your holiday - either with her, or someone else, or alone. And hopefully you build your friendship with her rather than jeopardising it (which is what she has done by discussing something with you but then doing it with her sister without telling you)

I would like to go with her as it’s somewhere we both really want to see, but I don’t want to miss a chance to go waiting for years if it was just talk to keep our moods up.

That’s a good idea. This is all fairly recent and the two times I have asked her so far I have had the reply about sorting out loans first. I think it’s just to stall me as it’s not a expensive holiday by any means. No more expensive than a week in Spain.

I think I might wait a few months then do as you say. That gives her time to settle her loan as well. If I leave it then ask once more I think that’s fair. I’m sure I’m not the only person she can go with either. It’s not the end of the world, but i don’t want to risk upsetting her if she really did mean it

Maybe her sister arranged the break?
She is family, after all.
Your friend can have more than one person supporting her, and, for that matter, more than one break.
From what you have written here, I wouldn't assume that you have been sidelined.
I'd wait a while, and then bring up the subject of the holiday and say, 'I was thinking of booking that trip to xxx we were talking about. Are you still interested in going?'
If she says yes, book it. You don't have to wait for her to do it.
You sound a little passive in your relationship, like you are waiting for her to sort it. Take control, that way, if she says she is no longer interested, or can't go, or whatever, you can still book a holiday for yourself.
I know that it can be difficult on your own, but trust me, I have booked loads of trips on my own and never failed to have a good time. It is a mistake to assume that you and your friend have to be exclusive unless you are both about 15.
Be happy for your friend, and be positive about yourself

I think you shouldn't push your friend about this, when she said to you that you could holiday together, she probably meant it but may have just said it off the top of her head. Things change, don't hold it against her.

You don't need her to accompany you on holiday, surely? Go with someone else or alone. However she might go away with you at a later date, just don't depend on it.

I’m just worried she will get upset if I go with someone else, as in theory we have planned to go together. She’s not told me outright that’s not on her plans.

I think the best thing is to leave it a few months then tell her I’m thinking of going next year and does she want to still go before I book it. I think that’s the best option as I’m still offering to go with her but putting a timescale on it.

I could say we can still go together at a later date if she’s still undecided by the time I book it.

Personally I'd tell her I was booking said holiday on X date and she's welcome to book at same time and then leave ball in her court. You have other people who want to go so just be courteous if you want.

I wouldn't be doing no waiting for months first.

Why don't you just tell her that you are planning on going to the place around XX date, and does she want to come with you? Just say you've decided that now is the time to go, and you don't want to put it off any longer.

she went on the holiday she;d been talking to you about - without telling you and she took her sister!
That isn't a friend!

Stop waiting on her and putting her first.
Book your holiday with your friends and just go. Don't tell her.
Let her find out the way you did.