Husband worried about Cancer Returning

[dottiedodah]

Some years ago my DH was diagnosed with Cancer .It was a difficult time for all of us TBH .He has been in remission for around 8 years now.The problem is every ache or pain he gets, is scared its Cancer!.I get that he is right to be worried in one sense ,but has been to the doctor about a dozen times in the last couple of years!.Just worried the Doctor will not take complaints seriously ,if he keeps on doing it and it does turn out to be something serious! Any advice?

I dont think we can second guess what your GP might think, and your GP will be well palced to refer in need

Ask for a referral to a health psychologist (if you are lucky enough to live in an area that has a service). Very common issue with cancer patients, who often respond well to a course of CBT.

Maybe some therapy or a talk with the doctor? but I don't blame him, I would be shit scared and I think most people would think the same tbh I know I would.

Do you have a local cancer support centre ? they can be very helpul about dealing with this problem - it is a very very common and totally understandable fear, which alomost all canccer patients have to some dgree or other. Cancer support centres, and Macmillan run courses on how to cope with life after cancer - you can;t get rid of the fear but you can learn to manage it moer effectively.

A good GP will never dismiss the fears of a cancer patient, they understand the fear. Mine used to ask me at the end of any appointment if everythign was Ok and I had any niggles or worries. One thing I would make sure of is that your Dh says when he goes for an appointment tha he is worried it is the cancer returning - that means the doctor can reassure him or explain why that is a very unlikely explanation for his symtpoms (if it is - or order more tests if it isn't)

It is important for cancer patients to be aware and not to ignore symptoms, vigilance and knowing your body will help in early detection should there be a relapse. But obviously you don;t want it to take over your life - so talking therapy could help him too. I would go with him to the doctor and explain the situation fin dout what is available, and go to your cancer support centre.
I think men especially find it hard to be upfront about their fears, but if he goes to somewhere for support and says he has this fear they will help. Also check out Macmillan website - they have publications on living your life after cancer, they also have a helpline that you could phone - they will happily advise family members of people who have/have had cancer.

Ask your support centre about macmillan HOPE courses - I went on one and found it very helpful and also made a group of friends who I can call and talk to when i need a bit of support (and vice versa obv.)

Cancer goes into remission but I don't think can be cured, is that not correct? So yes most people diagnosed with cancer feel like this. It's not irrational.

Thank you all for your advice ,hadnt thought about Macmillan ,I think I just thought they were for people who were terminally ill TBH.The strange thing is that for the first few years he seemed to be relieved that the Cancer had gone ,and seemed more relaxed .One of his family members ,has been diagnosed a second time with a different kind of Cancer and I think that has scared him a bit

With a diagnosis of cancer the gp will take him seriously. Better he is extra vigilant and it's no wonder he feels that way.

I had cancer four years ago, the first year was horrendous, every niggle and ache sent me in to a blind spin.

My son was 14 when I was diagnosed, it goes without saying that I really don’t want my cancer to return, but I reason it out by saying that I have had another four years to shape him into the young man he is becoming.
Your husband can not live his life like this, he needs to be grateful for every day, basically he needs to talk to someone.
I try and live my life by the motto, don’t borrow worries from tomorrow for today.
I do angst about normal everyday things (new kitchen coming, you would think I was going to the electric chair,) but I long ago realised that I have no control over what happens medically and that time angsting is time wasted.

I don’t know what cancer your husband had, my cancer was of the head and neck and as a result I can no longer really eat properly, no steak, no chicken, no lamb, no dense fish etc, etc. I live with a daily reminder of what was and is.

A couple of people on my radio and chemo programme didn’t make it, I would be doing them a grave disservice if I didn’t relish my life. (however long that may be)

I hope I didn't come across as too harsh.

A mac nurse is a great idea, but I generally don't go on to the Macmillan H&N forums as they can be a great source of support bu also quite depressing.

He has had cancer, its normal he is worried of its return. I know two people who died of cancer recently, age 34 and 43. Both had aggressive forms so didn't live long with it....but both were told they were in the clear, only to have some pain and realise its come back and spread...both dying months after. Cancer is scary. Its better to be safe then sorry and get checked out. However, perhaps he can also seek help, as if he is living with anxiety, that is not good, so perhaps seeking help so he is not always worrying would be a good thing for him.

I wonder if some counselling might help your DH . I understand the GP can refer people for some counselling.

My DH has cancer and it’s now been 4 years since his diagnosis. I’m on alert as soon as he mentions any symptoms and it used to cross my mind every single day. It’s now got a lot better although we are both quick to go to the GP or back to surgeon if there are concerns. Thankfully both are always helpful, reassuring and will refer on if needed but I think knowing we have that support there is really helpful and allowed us to relax a bit more. He didn’t have the best staging and was for palliative care but is now in remission but those real dark days that we went through, can easily be brought back with the worry of a symptom.
There is a lot more work done for cancer survivorship as the nhs is now aware that it comes with a whole host of different problems. My husband is aware of it everyday from the medications he needs to take, the scars and aches in his body and the altered habits and eating he has to carry out so he can never truly forget it and that is a heavy mental load. So I would suggest speaking to the GP and calling the macmillan helpline for advice. I wouldn’t stop him going to the GP as those concerns are very real and should be checked out

I’m the same with DP. He has RR MS and every time he complains of a headache or gets a bad cold I’m convinced it’s going to be MS related and he’ll have a relapse. I know for me that anxiety will never go and as he ages it will no doubt get worse, but there’s nothing to be done. We all have to just get through each day and assume we’ll stay well for as long as possible ❤️

to all supporting a DH or partner with cancer diagnosis.

Another option is a Maggie's centre if you have one near you

Not cancer but MS. I had HSCT a couple of years ago. The MS has stopped. MRI's have been clear and the progression has stopped, but I do worry, all the time. The progression has stopped but there is old damage that does flare a bit when I'm ill, so if I have a bad cold my balance might go a bit shit and I panic that it's coming back. It's not, luckily my GP and husband are there to reassure me.

Your husband worrying is totally normal. What's his GP like? If the GP is understanding that is a massive thing. Understanding but not dismissive is the key I think.

It's not easy.

There’s a Macmillan online Community, it’s absolutely marvelous & will help you & your husband. Either of you can join. Once you have cancer you can spend the rest of your life waiting for it to come back. A headache’s a brain tumour, a cough’s lung cancer ... many people feel the fear. All the best to you x

I think the doctor will always take it seriously and I think better safe than sorry, to be honest.

My partner's dad had cancer 3 times. He was supposed to be in remission when he passed away. From cancer. It would have been the 4th time. There has been a lot of cancer in his family.

My partner's mum has also had cancer.

My partner goes to the doctor nearly any time he doesn't feel quite right and they always take him seriously because of his family history.

The DR without meaning to, will start zoning out.

ask for a referral to psychology aroubd health anxiety... This is incredibly common in cancer survivors.

As you know, it really impacts how you live!

Good luck!