How worried should I be regarding friend's comment/instruction?

[HennyPennyHorror]

Friend just embarking on leaving her husband.

He's been a wanker for 18 years. Now she has had enough following the discovery that he's been meeting other women behind her back (more to it than that but not relevant)

She has moved into a friend's house and left him...the kids are swapping between her and him regularly (they're young teens)

She's told him she wants to get an estate agent in to value their house next week and she said it seemed to finally sink in with him that she really IS leaving him.

She said he went mad.

She has said to me "If I go missing, I haven't run away" prior to meeting him today (we're in Oz it's day here)

I asked her if he's ever been violent but she says only throwing things but years ago he had her by the neck.

How worried should I be? I feel incredibly anxious...

Very worried. People have instincts about others' intentions. She knows him very well.

Can you go with her? Can someone else? Does she have to meet him?

I wish I could reassure you but women are most vulnerable to serious harm by abusive men when they try to leave them

I'd be worried. The advice re abusive men is never meet alone after you've left. They often try to get you alone with excuses like handing over possessions (why you're advised to stash ID, necessary docs/clothes etc before leaving). Has she no one to go with her? Why do they need to meet? (could they Skype instead)?

No no no I’d be very worried. There’s a couple of cases where women have said this and it’s ended badly. Please try and talk her out of going alone.

Go with her if you can, if not make absolutely sure someone else does. She's very much at risk from this man.

She's seen him many days since she left because they own a business together. Deliveries have to be made etc.

It's just that it feels like it's all coming to a head :( I can't go with her, she's already gone.

I don't have a car....can't follow or anything.

What about calling the local police and mentioning to them? they might be able to do a drive by as part of their daily routine.

The cops are pretty full on here. They won't just drive past. They'll kick the door down if they think something's wrong.

I've asked DH to go round "on a whim". Just in case.

Christ. I hope she's okay. Thinking of you both OP

Tell her to talk to the police and find out about getting a dv alarm that alerts the police if set off.

Hope she is ok

The time of physical separation is the most dangerous time for women leaving their partners and as you would know the DV stats here in Aus are horrific.

She should go to her local police station and ask to speak with the DVLO (domestic violence liaison officer). Attempts to strangle are seen as a major red flag when it comes to DV. She needs to have her concerns logged and make sure that she is not alone with her ex at any point, if she needs to do things like getting her property from the house the police will usually accompany. The "Staying home leaving violence" project might also be able to help he depending on where she lives. You need to try and persuade her that she needs to take concerns about her safety seriously!

Someone who puts their hands on someone's neck is extremely dangerous. I'd be going past the house at the very least. Can you call her phone?

She needs to get advice from her local DVA service and she should probably inform local police of her concerns

We all know the stats and she should take this seriously