To have reduced my hours

[Vanderlylecrybabygeek]

Over most of my adult life I’ve had MH issues (OCD, Anxiety, Depression)

I’ve worked for years and have a fairly successful job.

Every few years I have episodes where I’m off work for a while. Thankfully my employers have been extremely understanding and supportive.

I had an episode earlier this year and have mostly recovered and am back at work, but don’t feel “right”. I have a young daughter who is hard work at the moment and I’m concerned about it all getting on top of me again.

I discussed with DH and we decided to reduce my hours at work (now 30 hours instead of 40). Work were supportive of this.

Now I’m panicking that I’m a lazy failure.

Your MH is the most important thing here, infinitely more important than any job. Hopefully it’s not too much of a financial hit but this is the right thing for you and your family.

If you can manage it financially and your DH and work are supportive it is the absolute 100% best thing you can do. Your mental health is very important, you are important and you must look after yourself.

Your mental health is more important and your daughter will only be young once. You done the right thing.

Financially after all bills (including petrol, food, savings) well have about £600 a month left. Not a fortune, but I don’t think we’ll be struggling.

I know to some people that’s a pittance to have left over, but to others that’s a lot. We don’t have expensive tastes, and we’ve got savings to fall back on (and most years get a bonus)

I know I could be earning more and saving more for our family, so I feel like a bit of a failure. But I’m thinking that if I keep taking ill, I won’t be much of a mother

You are not failing your family. More than anything, I'm sure your family will want you to have peace of mind, to have enjoyment in your work and to have good quality time with them. I think they will see your reduction in working hours as a win all round.

OP, I did exactly the same being and for pretty much the same reasons. Best thing I ever did and my whole life is much more balanced. All the best

I reduced my hours to help with my MH. It’s the best thing I’ve done, even though I have less money. I take Wednesday off so I’m only in work for 2 days at a time. Plus i only need to take a Tuesday as leave after a bank holiday to get quite a long break.

Right, imagine this was a physical disability. Would it unreasonable to cut your hours to something that left you healthy enough to be there for your family?

I do know where you're coming from. I've cut my hours partly for physical and mental disability reasons. I've just avoided a promotion for the same reason, though I have moments of thinking I should have agreed. But ultimately you need to do what keeps you healthy.

We don't have to do it all. We aren't superheroes. It's ok to say, no the less hours suit me more right now.
Go easy on yourself!

I think you’ve made the right choice. Give it time and see how you feel.

Have you heard of spoon theory? It was developed by someone who has chronic health issues. It basically suggests spoons are a unit of energy. Every task you need to complete uses spoons, so for example having a shower might be one spoon, showering, including washing your hair and drying it would be four. When you have health issues, especially chronic ones including MH, you have less spoons than most people. You can borrow spoons from the next day but you’ll need time to recover. I’ll try to add a photo to explain it well but it’s covered online.

40 hours a week is a lot, even for someone who is fighting fit. I have ASD and some physical health issues. It’s taken me a while to accept my diagnoses (only diagnosed with ASD a couple of years ago in my 30s) and to give myself the recovery time I need for activities most people take in their stride. Use the time at home to relax, look after yourself. Enjoy your daughter (I have a wonderful but..high maintenance DD myself!). See how you manage financially. Nothing has to be permanent. But right now, it sounds like you need this time more than you need the money.

In the nicest possible way- you’re being ridiculous and need to stop being so hard on yourself.

You have nothing to prove to anyone. I even worked part time before I had DD, I just couldn’t handle full time work and DH was supportive so why would I care what anyone else thinks?!

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing.

Actually, I don’t ‘take Wednesday off’ I just don’t work on a Wednesday (some people think I’m getting a perk being able to work flexibly, which is something they are legally entitled to request too, they just aren’t prepared to take a pay cut)

You are absolutely not a lazy failure!!! my job is FT at 35 hrs pw so you’re almost still FT!

Without even thinking of the hours, you are doing what’s in your best interests and it’s also in the bests interests of your family to have you well. I’m glad your employers have been supportive in reducing your contracted hrs too.

Thanks WhiteWine! Im hoping to use some of the time exercising as that always helps me feel better