I’m a bit at the end of my tether with my DM atm. She’s not been confident outside her home since she lost her DB 6 years ago. Before that she didn’t enjoy social situations, never had, but would grin and bare the odd family bbq or attend a family wedding. She has said she’s agoraphobic, but then will happily go to ASDA or to the high street for the afternoon, so I’m not sure that makes sense.
My DD was born two years ago and my parents visited twice in her first year, baring in mind they live within walking distance. Excuses were always made and so I would always go to them. Last summer I had had enough of the inequality and controlling nature of the situation and called her out on it, saying, quite rightly, that I was suffering with extreme anxiety, mainly over the guilt I’m made to feel when I don’t see them regularly. This was met with angry texts along the lines of ‘you only work part time you could bring her to me at least twice a week!’ (Neither DM or DF work!?). After two attempts to sort this and come to a reasonable agreement, I went to her and said how hurtful it was that I didn’t feel enough for her to make an effort for, to which she said some unforgivable things, ranging from ‘why are you trying to hurt me’, ‘you’re a selfish bitch’, ‘the only person I care about is my husband’ to ‘I’ll just go and kill myself then, because that’s what your making me do!’.
I then realised she wouldn’t change, so slowly I set boundaries where one week I’d go to theirs and the next I’d invite them over. DM would never come but DF did on several occasions.
Fast forward to now- I’m 6months pregnant (and having an awful pregnancy!) with another DD and my DM is again, refusing to come to my house or meet me for a coffee or anything. It’s a case of, I bring my DD to her or we don’t see her. She never puts it this way but that’s the way it is.
I’ve been much more upfront about what I will need and the support I want when DD is born as they are the only family we have. I thought things were changing- they want to buy a car seat and have been talking of doing nursery drop offs etc. But then for the past 2 weeks they’ve refused to see me, for me to go there or them here, saying she’s ill (illness changing daily from cough to cold to pulled muscle- whilst working in the garden etc).
I wanted to share with her that she was having another DGD and told her this, but just got excuses back. Finally went there yesterday to share the news, no congratulations, just conversations with DD about what a brilliant big sis she will be. I was a bit hurt but brushed it off.
During a phone call today (I always ring her, she won’t call, but if I don’t then I’m made to feel awful) she makes a remark about how I’m using the pregnancy to get everything my own way. WHAT HAVE I GOT MY WAY?
I’m so saddened and frustrated. I see friends with supportive DMs and DMILs and feel so sad. My DD asks to see them daily and I’m at the point where I just want to say ‘well they don’t want to see us.’. Any ideas on what my next steps could be? I just want her to meet me half way sometimes. If it were a friend I would have given up years ago! 😭