DP agreeing to extended commitment on my behalf without asking me first.

[BergamotandVetiver]

So for the last week I've been looking after DP's ExW's pet while they are on holiday. (DP and I don't live together so it's me doing the looking after).

I volunteered to do so. Drove to collect pet before they departed.

It's been fine, pet is adorable, but a combination of things (none of which are EXW's fault - my small house, overly friendly dog) mean that it's been harder work than I anticipated. Me and the kids are scratched and bitten to pieces.

Due to hand him back in a few days. Logistics were looking tricky but doable (work/school/activities on day in question). Waiting for word from DP on what's happening. He texts me earlier to say all sorted, he's taking the pet back to them when he visits his DC in the city they live in. THREE DAYS later than pet was due to go home. So he agreed to me having it for three more days than I had agreed to. Without asking me.

I told him yesterday that even though it had been fun, I was pretty much ready for the pet to go home now.

Am really really shocked and disappointed that he agreed to this without even trying to speak to me first.

I have not reacted well and his defence is that he just assumed I'd be happy to have the pet for longer and he's sorry for not asking first but didn't expect my reaction.

I'm not BU here........surely......I can't be??

Of course YANBU. “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me”

Now, I get that you're cross. But had you communicated to DP that having the dog had been more intrusive that you had anticipated? He made an assumption. He was wrong. He didn't volunteer you to look after the dog, knowing that you were already struggling, or did he? I think if it were me I would probably make sure he knew he'd done wrong, but then cut him some slack to be honest.

Why can't he just call his ex and say that she will have to "wait around for a couple of hours" after all, as you are unable to have the cat any longer.

Kitten! Read that wrong. But the same applies. He probably thought you'd like playing with a kitten for a few days, there are worse assumptions to make.

You can't leave a kitten all day, he'll have to take time off work. Caternity leave

That'll learn him. He owes you and the kitty a large present.

Tough luck, Exw can come and get her pet. It's her responsibiliy, not yours. Don't agree to that again, OP, they have you down as a mug.

Your DP is on holiday with hisi ex wife???

DP is not on holiday with his ExW! Sorry if that wasn't clear in my OP.

We just spoke. He genuinely believed I'd be happy to have kitten for longer. He's apologetic but I get the feeling he thinks I've overreacted.

He's taking cat to his tomorrow night and sorting for family member to do handover from his on Thursday.

A resolution of sorts 🤷

Keep the kitten and get the ex-wife to take your partner to the local cattery. Right pair of CF, check the side of your head OP, has it got a handle attached because they are treating you like a mug.

He shouldn't have volunteered you in the first place - it's never anyone's place to say that someone else will do a favour!

And a kitten is very difficult to have in the house with a dog too.

Let go of the guilt and petulant. You are not guilty of anything and are not petulant. You are rightfully annoyed by some unreasonable people.

Hand the kitten over.

Well I think I know why he’s divorced

I don't think his assumption was particularly out of line but I seem to be the only one!

Who gets a kitten and then fucks off on holiday? I couldn't leave mine when she was tiny - I certainly wouldn't have left her in a strange house with a dog and unknown children. And I would have missed her too much to not get her back asap.
I think ex-wife doesn't deserve her cat back!

IWanna In EXW's defence, holiday was booked before kitten was acquired. They found him abandoned/stray in middle of a busy road.

They have a dog as well so the kitten is somewhat used to being around dogs. And my pooch is a total softie so we figured it would be ok and it has been. Kitten terrorises the dog much more than the other way round.

Yanbu ( by a zillion!!) OP, that's all crazy!!!

He genuinely believed I'd be happy to have kitten for longer. He's apologetic but I get the feeling he thinks I've overreacted.

Because people who don’t look after pets think it’s no big deal when the reality is they are lots of hard work.
But you previously said
DP has said he'll have it for remaining few days but he's away for work for at least one long day out of those and it isn't fair on the cat to be left for so long.
It really isn’t, cats also don’t like lots of moving about but now DP is having it?

So it’s going from being rescued by his ExW to you then to DP then to other family member then back to her? -poor kitten! For the kittens benefit it really would be better staying with you and going straight back to her.

Why get a kitten and go on hols? Very silly.
Why ask your new partner to look after ex’s cat? Seems odd.
Why assume your new partner will want extend pet sitting services, and for goodness sake, why not ASK!

Well, you've learnt a lot about how you partner views you....
not as important as keeping his ex happy and not inconvenienced
not as important as keeping his own life easy and problem free
that you are someone whose feelings and views are secondary to everyone else.

Odd dynamic here. You're not his ex wife's skivvy and I'd be concerned about the power balance in all this.