To feel paranoid about DD Tantrum at Nursery?

[Hollanda40]

DD is 2. For back story, last year I went through some personal issues and didn't deal with them at all well, and turned to alcohol. This was picked up on by the Nursery Manager and I was reported to Social Services (based on one incident). We were visited, we engaged with the staff and the case closed. Since then there have been no issues and things have improved.

DD has recently started having tantrums. They're nothing unusual for a 2 year old to display...throwing head back, screaming, arching back etc. It was just today I felt so judged especially by the manager who "helped" me get her into her buggy. I felt so intimidated and judged and found lacking. I don't lack confidence with either of my kids and can usually stand up for myself but today I just felt...well as though I wasn't good enough and it shook my confidence I guess. She's fine now and the tantrums last minutes. At home we ignore her screaming and wait for her to calm down. If out we just remove her from the situation so as few people as possible are subjected to her screaming.

My AIBU is really am I just being daft?? Was the manager only helping me or do they think there's a problem?? She's so good at nursery. A little poppet and joins in with everything, and good at socialising.

:/ it's been a long day and a wet one!! :(

Your feelings are valid. I feel judged many times by people who you would swear either have perfect children or have never seen a tantrum before. If this manager knows your history, there probably was some judgment there, unfortunately. If your DD were to have a tantrum again, I’d just politely decline help. Honestly the less people involved in a meltdown, the better. You know your own child and what works best.

As long as your personal issues are in the past, you have nothing to worry about. A nursery worker will have seen plenty worse in the tantrum department.

I think you need to take control and show you were in control of the situation. When dc were in nursery they would not intervene with a tantrum, they would allow the parent to deal with it. I wonder if they think you aren’t managing or managing the wrong way?- yes that is totally judgemental and making assumptions, however people do it. I also wonder if they would have been so quick to interfere with another parent? Have you seen other children having tantrums and did they intervene then? If so, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

MolyHoly hits the nail on the head. We all feel judged when they have tantrums. It’s a very stressful situation. EssentialHummus is also right. The nursery will have seen thousands of tantrums - especially from two year olds.

awww don't take it to heart, I'm sure they were just trying to help. Good on you for over coming your problems too

Ah my grand daughters arch their backs at high chairs, car seats, it is so difficult to get them in safely without looking stupid. Do not worry about it.

I remember this with dd. She had the loudest scream in the world and arched her back just like that.
Any parent feels flustered and embarrassed but dw all toddlers do it and the nursery staff wont single you out.

I’m sorry you feel like this. Quite naturally, I’d hazard a guess that you’re projecting those assumptions based on how you feel. Not necessarily how they reacted.

We all feel judged when our children ‘misbehave’ yet, for something like a tantrum, we’ve all been there.

Hopefully, your confidence will build up over time and you’ll wonder why you were so affected by this.

Yes you are being a daftie, they see thousands of tantrums and know it's normal they'd be more concerned if you DC was subdued. Maybe you appeared flustered because you felt judged? Try to keep it in perspective, it's normal to try and be helpful.

She had a huge one on the bus, chucked socks and shoes off...I just said oh okay no socks or shoes and you'll get wet feet. People probably were staring, fine. I can deal with strangers just not so much the nursery staff.

I've not noticed if they intervene usually. I possibly do appear "nervous" sometimes...I've always been naturally anxious and genuinely work hard to improve my confidence. No issues with DS school at all... I've always got on with most people fine. Just some people make me feel awkward and on edge!!! I'm aware how silly this is. They're only people and I know I'm doing my best and doing pretty well to overcome a few Issues and turn myself around. Which didn't happen overnight and still take constant work to ensure I don't spiral back!! Life is becoming easier generally though and I'm learning to accept help when offered it! :)

I work with pre school children and have two of my own. Believe me when I say nursery workers will not judge you - or shouldn't. As previously posted you've overcome difficult times and that's ace.
I've often helped parents with children who are having a moment! And I've been the parent who needed help too

I'm home, had a cuppa and feel lots better. What a long day.Supposed to be out this evening catching up with my friend but I quite honestly can't be doing with sitting in a pub right now. I'm drained and there's still over an hour till DH returns. :/

In hindsight I dealt with it as I saw fit. I held her really close to me in her buggy when we were alone in the reception in her buggy...she scared herself visibly and was properly crying not just screaming...she needed a bit of a hug and reassuring. One she'd calmed down I walked out with her and soon got her happy!! It was just a day of it.

Nope you’re just overthinking and being self conscious- which is normal!

The manager spends all day with tantrumming toddlers, she has seen it all. Honestly, don’t worry. It sounds like you have everything back on track which is great.

You were understandably anxious and embaressed your dds tantrums sound epic but i am sure the nursery staff was just helping and not judging , give yourself a break

I volunteer at a place with pre schoolers and you can see some of the parents cringing when their toddlers decide that going home time is a fantastic time to tantrum especially if we are helping but its fine we don't judge. 2 year olds are very dramatic

Haha I was worrying about nothing! Saw her, DD was back to her bubbly self and she just said "THAT'S better name! Mummy looks happier too!!" 😁 I panic myself into thinking the worst!!