How do I stop the tears?

[Lilyannarose]

Just literally looking for tips on how to stop myself from crying in the company of people.

I'm currently suffering from depression and PTSD.
I'm working through some heavy stuff with my therapist (which is helping) and I'm fine to cry during a counselling session (my therapist encourages this), but at any other time I try to avoid it at all costs.

The problem is, that because I am currently reliving the trauma of what happened (through therapy) I often find tears springing to my eyes at the wrong place/ time and with the wrong people present.
The more I try to stop the tears, the more they come!
I have tried reasoning with myself in an attempt to pull myself together. I try my hardest to suppress my grief, but this doesn't help either (there are constant unavoidable reminders in every day life).

I just hate it when it happens in public.
I'm not talking loud hysterical crying. Just a few silent tears.
It's just so embarrassing and makes me feel even worse.
I know people will judge me for it (although I wouldn't judge anyone else for it).
I always feel guilty that I may have made people feel uncomfortable and always try to exit the scene as quickly and discretely as I can.

I need a technique to stop the tears from falling.
Just anything to distract me from how I am feeling.
I always find this time of year particularly hard.

Does anyone else ever find themselves in this situation?
Just wondered if there was anything that worked for you. x

Aww, love. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. You’re doing an amazing thing by working through this trauma.

Things will get better. In the meantime I don’t know how to stop tears, but I would keep a pair of dark glasses, some tissues and a soothing eye roller close to hand for when they strike. And be reassured that only an asshole would judge you if they saw

I'd say let the tears flow, you need to let it all out. Bottling things up won't help you.

I bought a pair of large sunglasses so if I was overcome in public it would be a lot less noticeable for other people. This is an ideal time of year to do that.

I have done in the past but haven't for a long time. Once I stopped worrying about it or even caring that it might happen, it stopped.

Thinking that it might happen and worrying about it make it so much more likely.

Also 'do you think you are better than everyone else?'

I very much doubt you do so why this "I know people will judge me for it (although I wouldn't judge anyone else for it)."

Why the heck think others will judge you? You aren't that important to others to worry about judging you? Most people won't even notice, of those that do most will feel sympathetic that you are obviously feeling sad or even that you may have something in your eye.

Crossposted with Vivienne didn't see yours until I'd posted mine.

Oh OP, sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It is OK to cry but I guess you're struggling when out in public, and how you think you make other people feel. That's a tough one, probably a good idea to talk through with your therapist for techniques.

Things will trigger memories all the time which makes it very difficult to overcome. When I'm in this kind of situation, I try to talk myself through it to stop the tears coming. I take a really deep breath in through the nose, and out of the mouth, and tell myself it's OK and try to get my mind to change the subject.

Whatever you do, don't stop going about your daily routine for fear of getting upset - this will not help at all

For me, over time, I have gradually put the sadness/grief safely away somewhere in my mind - and sometimes something will open it, or I will. And the tears may come or they may not, but time and talking and experience and life and loved-ones all contribute to the healing process.
xx

Did you post about this the other day? If not, have a look for a thread from someone who was worried what other people would think if someone saw them crying in the street. There was a lot of advice on that one.

Sorry I'm no use on the dealing with the trauma side, but on the unwelcome tears side can you just say it's allergies? When I was going through a bleugh period and the tears came I'd say it was hayfever / dust allergy just to get past the moment.

This happens to me too.. and its horrible, no matter how many people on here tell you its fine!

One practical tip is to do mental maths.. For example, subtract 7 backwards from 100.. so, 100 minus 7 is 93, 93 minus 7 is 86, 86 minus 7 is.. and so on..

Apparently is engages another part of your brain so its harder to keep thinking and crying - it probably works with anything really, so reciting nursery rhymes or poems etc..

Apparently, if you keep your head in it’s normal position and move your eyes to look up to the ceiling, the tears stop.

I lost two good friends this year, one took his own life, and the other succumbed to necrotizing pneumonia within a couple of months of each other. Tears spring up on me in the strangest moments, when I thought I was ok but come across something that reminds me of them mostly. I've learned that you can cry without anyone noticing if you're silent about it and have some reason to hold some fabric to your face to catch the tears.

Otherwise I work very hard to distract myself during the day with other things so I won't think about it and cry.

I'm sorry for your trauma OP

The worst anybody can think is "Lilyannarose seems unhappy" and you are, so that's ok. What you need to do is keep doing what you're already doing to work through this phase; if that means an occasional cry then try to see every tear as a stepping stone to future calm and happiness. If anybody asks if you're ok then you could say something like: "I'm working through some difficulties and I'll be ok in a while. I don't want to talk about it, but thank you for asking."

I'm so OP, it is shit.

I'm usually the one silently crying at playgroup, music group or just in town, it's beyond embarrassing and I hate to imagine what people think.

I try my very hardest to stop it, the only thing that comes close to working is singing a song in your head as a distraction.
Choose a song you find motivational and see if it makes you feel stronger.
Best of luck

*That was meant to read, So sorry

As a Pp said ,sunglasses.
I don't go out much but I wear my big sunglasses if I do ,I was self conscious at first but now I don't care as much .

I'm sorry you are going through this too ,Ptsd is a bitch

Please don't try to stop it, I think that's more likely to make it worse. Let yourself cry at home in safety, watch weepy films and chop onions for soups
Keep on with the therapy

Sorry OP, I had this too. I would just run to the loo if I was with company or in public I’d just close my eyes (easy to pretend to be asleep on the train/bus). Try to always have a tissue handy to wipe away tears and dry eyes and sunglasses are definitely a win too.

Look upwards, it's very hard to cry when you look upwards.

Sunglasses, hayfever as an excuse, 'just excuse me a second....', tail end of a cold....

Yes going through this and finding it hard.
Tbh last time at work (luckily staff room tea break) i dashed to the loo, had a silent cry and then apologised for my dreadful hayfever which must have been set off by something outside the window.
I have today refused to engage with counselling or therapy as i m supporting ds with mh problems that work dont know about so need to be "together" but i really wouldn't judge you.
If it s just a few silent tears i doubt many people would notice if you have a tissue with you

Have to say also ,well done with the therapy!
I tried ,managed one session but haven't been able to go back yet.

Visit the Sistine Chapel - by the time you've been overcome with extreme emotion there you'll have no more tears left for years!
Failing that, have that thread bookmarked on your phone and every time you feel a bit like crying have a good read. Either you'll cheer yourself up or you'll cry like mad with laughter and can show others what you're crying about so they cry too.
Distraction - it's the best thing. With opportunities to deliberately let the emotion out in private.

Blame 'allergies'. Step out as necessary.

I've never had to deal with the level of issues that I'm sure have caused you this pain and I'm so sorry you're having to relive it.

All I can say is that I've spent years hating being a crier and being told to suppress it - particularly at work. I had someone at work report me to our manager for crying once and I was told off for being an attention seeker and making others feel uncomfortable. It's horrible.

Ironically I've found people who cry and let bad stuff out are often in better shape mentally as a result. The older I get, the stronger I stand in the face of people who look down on me for it and see unexpected consequences and behaviours for people who hang on to that pain. Everyone has their own way of coping and we all need to respect that. Let those tears out