Who will care for kids if something happens to us both.

[Coopsmommy]

I have decided to update my will after having 3Dr and final child. Discussed things with husband and all was fine until it came to who would look after children if we were to both die. My two older children are from my first marriage and DH has agreed that they would live with my sister and her husband however he does not want our DS to live with them. He is only 2 and both sets of parents are in their late 60s early 70s. I want all 3 to stay together and trust my sister not only to love them unconditionally but to keep our memories alive. DH however does not think they are responsible enough. He says it is my decision about my 2 oldest sons and that being 13 and 14 they would be fine with my sister but not our son together. He has suggested 2 couples neither of which I have an issue with as people but I barely know either of them and have only met on a few occasions. They really don't know anything about me bar my name and that I'm married to their friend. Plus neither have even met him. Husband thinks I'm being selfish and just want my own way and doesn't see why I have an issue. There is no one else either of us can think of so I don't know what to do. This is causing me major stress and upset.

What are the life choices that he has such an issue with?

This comes up time and time again. You cannot 'will' your children. They are not commodities or chattels. Social Services will make the final decision on who is fit and able to foster your children.

Ridiculous suggestion of his to opt for a friend on one side only and who has no relationship at all with the child. I would strongly favour keeping siblings together but if the youngest is 2 and two other children are 13 and 14 then that may be less of an issue in a few years if might leave home at 17/18 for uni etc. You can account for different scenarios in the will depending on their age and wether elder siblings still needing care. But also the age gap means that in theory the elder siblings may want to care for your youngest. So if youngest is 14 year old and something dreadful happens to you both, your eldest is 26 and may want to take him in. Some people aren’t sensible at all at that age, some people are incredibly so. My sibling had finished medical school and had mortgage, car, pension and ISA by 23.

*whether

I also meant to say I completely agree with others on whether the friends who haven’t met your child would agree to take him in. I had a relatively good friend mention that we were their plan once really casually and I was really shocked and sort of laughed it off as a joke and it wasn’t raised again. there were stable involved siblings on both sides which seemed much more appropriate and I thought if it was serious it was actually pretty cheeky and a massive imposition esp to assume without asking. I wouldn’t have agreed if they had asked seriously - other suitable, indeed more suitable, arrangements available with family and not fair for their DC or us and our DC.

that's nice of your husband to consider your sister good enough for his step kids but not for his own! what a twat!

You've uncovered something unsavoury there! The DH needs to give himself a good shake if he wants someone who has never met his child to look after them! Someone interested enough to be in his life is a really ground level start, surely?!