Who WBU? Neighbouring children

[mikado1]

I'll try to keep this short. Child A&B playing together with balls and racquets. Child A asks Child B for a ball. He gives him one. Child A leaves garden with ball. Child B asks him for ball back but he says he doesn't have it. Child B v upset. Child A's mum thinks it's just a ball and he says he doesn't have it - to child B, she's gardening I'm the front garden. Child B's mum asks child B if he can maybe find the ball. Child A's mum makes it clear this is v trivial and she's not going to say anymore about it. Child B's mum goes back to her house. Child A's mum tells child B to go home.

I know it sounds all so petty but I'm wondering was I totally wrong in my handling and thinking on this! Who, if anyone, WBU?

Child B's mum asks Child A! [Grin]

Child A and B was hard to follow but .... Alfie isn't going to be given a ball next time he comes over to play with Bobby. Alfie's mum WB(a bit)U as it's polite to try to help find the ball belonging to Bobby that Alfie lost. But unless they are gold plated (or sentimental) balls and Alfie didn't have it stuffed up his t shirt to sneak it away, then I'd get over it. (Assuming these are tennis balls that you can replace cheaply enough. )

Child B’s mum was being ridiculous and precious about what I assume is a tennis ball.

But Child A’s mum was a dick. She should have made Child A hand it over and/or found it.

It's just a ball. Presumably you have a number of them and they're very cheap. It will probably turn up at some point so nobody is being unreasonable, just forget about it.

Ok, I should add a little more. Bobby said he'd seen Alfie throw it over his shed and Alfie agreed he had and it was probably in a bush. Bobby's mum said it would be great if he'd try to find it. Alfie's mum had a root around the shed, without saying anything, before telling Bobby to go home.

It's not just a ball, it's someone else's ball. You should teach your kids to look after other people's stuff and to take responsibility if they loose or damage it.

Alfie’s Mum should have said she’d had a look and offered to replace it.

Bobby’s mum should have said no thanks because it’s just a silly tennis ball and that should have been the end of it.

Bobby’s mum shouldn’t have been acting like it was a kidney and Alfie’s mum should have made a bit more of an effort to appease an upset child. And she certainly shouldn’t have sent him home because of it!

It is just a ball and cheap to replace, however, it's not fair or right that a child 'borrowed' a ball and then lost it. Obviously, child B is going to be upset, irrespective of the cost.

Child A's mum should be teaching her child not to lose other children's property.

If I am following, child a looses one of child B's balls, child a's mother doesn't ask child a to try to find it and sends child b home when he gets upset about it?

I would say child a's mother is in the wrong. Even if it's just a ball she should have made an attempt to find it.

Hmmmm I get it’s just a ball but having an ASD child and knowing how some children get really upset at not getting their things back, if I was Alfie’s mum, I would have been in the bush getting scratched to deaths to get the ball back whilst telling child off for throwing someone else’s ball in there in the first place -kids!

Ok. Thanks all. I am -PF- B's Mum! I know I do sound ridiculous! However like a pp, yes, teaching value of small things, responsibility, reliability etc is important. If it had been me I would have certainly done my best to retrieve or offer replacement. Alfie left with ball in hand and refused to return and then threw it over a shed! I'd much rather not having to say anything but my DS was really annoyed and upset so felt I'd better say something and I was polite but I think it's a very poor show on their behalf. Not an isolated incident as you can probably tell!

Ah. Alfie was a bit sneaky and knew where he'd lost the ball... and Alfie's mum probably isn't the most patient of NDNs to others' DCs. Or just that day, she wasn't.

Still, ... Bobby's mum is on for a long old childhood of woe if she lets the loss of one (tennis?) ball become a big deal. Bobby needs to be encouraged to shake it off . And perhaps (if a repeated problem) that "Alfie isn't a friend you lend to". At worst it'd be a "don't take your stuff over to Bobby's" from me.

So, your kid lost his mate's ball?

All this over a tennis ball. I buy them in a big pack as inevitably DC lose them

Ok point taken and that's my concern, I definitely don't want to be a saviour for my DS. Tricky tho when they ask you to help them when someone refuses to return their belonging. I did say that he would be slow to lend again and I understood his frustration.. He only has one other ball.

Yeah and I can get a pack but I'll expect DS to look after them to a certain extent. There's a difference imo in losing them while playing and not bothering to bring them in. I don't want him to think I'll replace if he loses them without a care. I remember my brother constantly losing football boots, tops, socks etc because he knew they'd be replaced and didn't care. I'd hate that.

@mikado1. Ah cross posted with your recent post.
Alfie left with ball in hand and refused to return and then threw it over a shed!
Not an isolated incident

Alfie & his Mum WBU.

Yup. I'd go with "Alfie is not a friend to lend to"

Feel free to send Alfie back home to get his own balls and toys if he wants to play next time but he's not allowed to borrow again.

Lol I cross posted with OP's post at 19:48. There been two more since 😂 Such a quick typer!!

Ah okay, sorry.
So, your son's mate lost or stole then lost his ball by throwing it near his house?
If said mate had been playing round at mine, I'd knock that on the head for a bit. His mother can look for it.

Tennis balls are a pain. One hit and they disappear, never to be seen again. Footballs I'd be cross at as more expensive and difficult to misplace.

I think you’re making a rod for your back here tbh.

If I’d been Alfie’s mum I’d have offered to replace it but you should teach yourself and your son not to sweat the really, really, really small stuff!

Buy swingball, ball is on string and cannot be thrown over shed as hundreds of seventies parents on one paltry income knew. If kid A and kid B come and ask for ball not on string, tell them both to look under the damn shed. Kids need a common enemy, be the common enemy and they cannot divide and conquer you over lost balls.
Don't get me started on power balls. Wars were fought over the just let me have 'one bounce' kid who ALWAYS lost the poor kid's 20p power ball.
Also parents not giving a damn about your lost ball despite having paid for it and your mate losing it is part of understanding why a paper round is paramount aged 12.

Child A&B playing together
Bobby said he'd seen Alfie

Just to make things interesting Bobby is child A and Alfie is child B.

No Alfie is A and Bobby B!

Thanks all! I'll sleep easier tonight knowing I wasn't completely U! But I do get the fighting his battles, absolutely, he was so frustrated tho that Alfie had gone off with it, I felt he needed the back up. This child says and does what he wants with zero supervision but you're right and I don't want to become a helicopter parent to compensate for that.. I'll try teach him it's only a ball but it's hard because when we borrowed Alfie's to play together I was so particular about returning it!