Her gifts make me angry!

[0hMyDay5]

I know I must sound very ungrateful but my MIL's constant barrage of unwanted gifts is driving me mad.

She insists on buying clothes that SHE wants my 2 DC to wear, such as £1 t shirts from well known High St shops that we avoid for ethical reasons. It feels such a waste, when these clothes will never get used and end up in the charity shops (my kids have too many clothes than they realistically need already and from the best quality brands that we can afford).

She insists on buying the kind of toys my DH played with in the 80's; guns for my DS and dolls for my DD. She knows we don't approve of this, and it seems the more we try to drop hints the more she rebels. She fills them full of sugar, and E numbers and never feeds them vegetables.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want my children to grow up in some bubble, and I do accept that things were different in their day and some see it as a grandparent's job to 'spoil' the DGC. But it's got to the stage where if I say I don't like something, she turns up with it the following week. She acts very over the top, saying 'oh you don't have to thank me, you know I can't resist spoiling them' and 'you're so welcome, I just love buying them nice things'. Am I being unreasonable or is she being passive aggressive?

@doodleygirl Not a wind up at all.... Maybe I’m a cliche. Wait, MIL is that you?

@Gakaxycounters Firs post! Hence why I’ve probably done this all wrong!

I had this issue with my Ex MIL when my eldest DD was a baby.

Only it was always things that were either filthy, broken or totally unsuitable; I'm talking charity shop t-shirts that had been washed and tumble dried so many times that the logo/picture had come off, packs of baby vests in 0-3 months when DD was 18 months old, crap items from pound shops that weren't toys and weren't suitable for a child.

So annoying!

@Aquamarine1029 It certainly feels that way. Perhaps the examples sound a bit trivial and petty.... I’ve been reluctant to get into a battle of the wills and keep checking if I’m the one being a little out of touch or militant on these issues but it’s the feeling of being constantly undermined. She looks after the children regularly (once or twice a week over dinner time) and I worry what else she might be saying/doing/encouraging purely to ‘rebel’ (if that’s the right word).

@ZorbeeAndTheLemur Sounds like my aunt - Half used mascara in a Christmas stocking.... You feel bad for being ungrateful but all gifts are NOT created equal!

@Mrsjayy What drama?

@thecatsthecats Why didn’t I think of this?!? 🤣

YABU to think that the 'best quality brands' are more ethical than cheaper places

It's not a direct correlation but the cheapest brands such as Primark, matalan, george are totally unethical. Also shops like jojo, polarn o pyret, kite clothing have excellent ethical ratings. So sorry but to some extent she is right.

thegoodshoppingguide.com/ethical-rankings-fashion-retailers

The most ethical way to buy clothes is second hand though of course.

If someone bought my kids something from Primark I would return it if I could. I don't want to in any way be responsible for them making money.

I know how you feel - my mil volunteers at a charity shop and every week when she comes to visit she takes one of those huge Lidl freezer bags chock full of clothes for my DS & DD - I tell her over & over that they don’t need anymore clothes but she never listens. I take them to avoid any arguments and give them to another charity which gives clothes to poor families locally.