Would this piss you off or aibu

[inmyshoos]

Together 8 mnths.
Morning - he had stayed at mine. In bed he took what he needed and there was a hrief chat where i said id save it for later (we needed to get up, i prefer meaningful intimacy not a rush to an end)

Evening - went to an event, i made a big effort wearing new undewear etc. No you look nice or anything. He met old friends, huge emotional reunion but it took around 20 mins of standing feeling awkward before i was introduced. I made no deal about this, but it obviouspy added to the end issue.

Came home, decided to shower as both hot from event, given the underwear etc i offered come in with me, he stayed on phone in lounge until i came out and said id left it running.

Aibu? I was so hurt. Felt invisible. Apparently i need to manage my expectations.

Ditch this selfish prick

It’s just not that into you. Ditch him, he’s all about himself

So you gave him a bj in the morning then told him it was ok not not reciprocate as you would save it for evening. Then he wasnt in the mood in the evening.

I think YABU to be honest.

If he's not gonna kiss you after a blowjob he's not going to want to be all over you (sexy underwear or no) if you're sweaty enough to need to shower. It kind of takes away from the sexy underwear thing.

Not everyone has to finish all of the time. None of my partners have ever made me feel bad if they've sorted me out and then I've not reciprocated (for whatever reason!). Sounds like you needed to more clearly ask what you wanted from him and when. No need for the drama.

I know you said you would save it for later, but later he wasn't in the mood, as is his right.

Just sounds like an off day. Men are allowed to not want sex.

Men aren't mind readers and they don't have to want sex 24/7.

So basically you expected him to have sex when he didn’t feel like?

Do those things always have to be equal? It’s not some sort of tick list. What happens happens and as long as overall it’s pretty balanced then everyone should be happy.

the guy sounds like a dick.. get rid

Letting you stand there like a lemon while he nattered to old friends for 20 minutes before he bothered to introduce you is pretty bad manners IMO.

That on its own would piss me off.

I agree with rollingpine is he usually that rude?

You weren't in the mood in the morning he wasn't at night, don't see a problem happens to a lot of couple's, i wouldn't make a big deal of it.

The thing is that you have a very selfish boyfriend. You've only been with him a few months.

Now are you going to be that person who stays with a bloke like this and puts up with or gets upset about his selfishness, or are you going to be the kind of woman who says "I deserve better than this" and dumps him?

For everyone assuming i wasnt in the mood in morning, i was. Very much so. I had assumed the oral sex would lead to sex, i actually made a note to myself last time we had the no kissing after ejaculating in my mouth situation that i wouldnt do that again because it makes me feel rejected. Blow job fine, but no ejaculate in mouth. He obviously had other ideas at the weekend. Once that happened the mood kinda died because i knew there would be no kissing and how can the intimacy continue without kissing. Our intimacy doesnt always need both of us to orgasm but it is usually loving and considerate.

He sounds entirely self-centred.
Do you really want to pursue this relationship?

he came in my mouth, refuses to kiss until i brush teeth...

That's a massive turn off for me. If a man is happy for me to do that to him and come inside my mouth and then refuses to kiss me what does that say about how he sees it?! He's happy for it to go in your mouth but won't go near it because he finds it disgusting?

Sounds like he’s pretty rubbish in bed generally. A man who shies away from his own ejaculate would be way too inhibited for my taste.

He is actually pretty good in bed but seems to have issues with his own fluids. Not sure why but i can respect that. In return he should respect that i dont want him to ejaculate in my mouth if it means we then cant kiss.

I don't think it's that big a deal. I can see why you were hurt but perhaps he wanted to sleep with you in the evening but then wasn't in the mood? If it's just the one day I'd say leave it alone? He shouldn't have to have sex if he's not in the mood for kt.

Sex cant be tit for tat. You can't have sex in the morning or sexual activity for example on the promise or pressure that then something equal will happen to you at another time, it gets into a situation of well you did this, so I'll do that - not a healthy dynamic.

I think the separate issues are -

you felt rejected in the morning because he was only concerned about his needs. "He took what he needed" in the first post sounds awful and like it wasn't a positive experience for you, which is the most worrying thing about the entire thing for me. BUt then you've clarified later that wasn't the case - so if you were enthusiastic and wanted fully what happened, that's good.

You went for a shower... you could've ended up sleeping togeher after that, later on in the evening or anything. I wouldn't take it as rejection that he was on the phone (personally), maybe he was waiting until you came out fresh with undies off? I would've taken it badly if then, you'd gotten it on and the same happened again eg all about his pleasure not yours.

Does he ever reciprocate or is it a common theme?
I mean he could have gotten you off many ways without having sex, it's an excuse if he says the moment has passed, what about you?

At the end of the day you cant feel like you're owed sex or sexual activity just because someone has done something. I actually don't think he should ejac in your mouth if he then can't kiss you, as it would disrupt the flow and psychologically feel horrible. For what it's worth it's not a rejection of you - he is unable to cope with his OWN fluids for whatever reason.

Eight months in? That early on nothing should be particularly hard except for his dick