Impossible future?

[PlainJane74]

I have been with my partner for 5 years.
I have a DC from previous relationship who is 8 and we have a DC together who is 3.
He can’t see himself getting married anytime soon and doesn’t want any more children.
There is no compromise.
My father has been recently diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and I would never forgive myself if he doesn’t walk me down the aisle.
We both want different things out of life, marriage is very very important to me and I have waited many years to become his wife. I can’t imagine not having more children, it hurts to even think about, so what do I do?
It would be terrible to break up the family because of my own superficial needs, but it eats away at me.
WIBU to say we get married next year or I’m outta here?

I think you need to take you dad walking you down the aisle out of the equation - I understand that it’s important to you but it may not be possible, and if it isn’t you haven’t done anything wrong. You would have nothing to forgive yourself for - it’s not an experience you owe your dad, even if it would mean a lot to you both.

The marriage and kids thing is what matters. If getting married and having more kids is really important to you, and your partner absolutely won’t agree to it, then you need to consider what future there is in the relationship, and what your priorities are. Are marriage and another child more important to you than your current relationship? If so, you may not be able to be happy, and leaving him is your only option.

You will also need to bear in mind that breaking up is no guarantee that you will get married and have more children.

I think given the amount of stress you are under at the moment, you really shouldn't be making any life changing decisions. To be honest, I would be loathed to break up my (happy?) family on the off chance I would meet someone who wanted to marry me and have more kids.

I have waited many years to become his wife

What has he promised you, previously?

So sorry your Dad is so ill
PP is right though, as important as him walking you down the aisle may be it wouldn’t be right to make a major life decision based on that because that may or may not have happened in either of your lifetimes for all manner of reasons sadly.

I think you need to take some time to really think why marriage is so important to you (I know there’s a whole host of security and stability reasons, but also emotionally why is this important) and perhaps if you feel in a place to have an open and honest conversation with your OH find out why he is so against it. Once you know that you may both be able to understand each other’s perspective better and then make a decision about how to move forward.

The having another child issue, unfortunately, is one where either you stay together and accept there will be no more children or you decide if having more children is more important to you than this relationship in which case you move on and try and find a partner whose goals in life more closely match yours.

My priority in life is to have a happy, healthy family.
As it stands, the family is happy. But our relationship is tense because of my feelings of rejection from the man I love with all of my heart.
I do think it would be possible to meet someone else who has the same life goals as me. I don’t really want to, but we only get one life and its honestly eating away at my self esteem.
I really don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.