to be upset so many people forgot my birthday

[Handmethegin]

I know as you get older birthdays aren't a big thing. I don't expect presents or even cards but a happy birthday text would be nice or a fb post, just a little "hey I've remembered you and hope you have a nice day". This year all my cousins forgot. All my friends bar 2 forgot. My own mother remembered at the last minute and sent step-dad over with a hastily written card and a promise of a cash present to follow.

AIBU? My DH, DS, my sister (and her family) and my dad and step-mum all made it a lovely day. In laws remembered too and sent a nice text, MIL even travelled 2 hours to come and see us the day before to bring me a gift, which was very kind.

But all the cousins have upset me a bit, I remember them and their kids every year, my mum has form for forgetting so I'm kind of used to that, and I think I need some new friends. I'm in my 40s, should I just suck it up? Or was that a bit shitty of so many people to completely ignore my birthday?

IME Friends only remember birthdays if you have your birthday on FB. Or you remind them before the day.

It sounds like you had a lovely birthday with your family that did remember - why not focus on that.

It was on FB

I think YABU but I am sorry you’re upset. I like people to wish me happy birthday - so I tell them it’s my birthday. I wouldn’t expect anyone except my mum and dh to just remember.

Simple, i would forget there birthdays

Hmm. Maybe IABU then. I remember all my cousins birthdays though and their kids. I use a handy invention called a calendar. Am I the weird one for sending birthday wishes (and gifts for the kids) to family?

Happy Birthday @Handmethegin, hope you had a wonderful day!

It's awful for your mum to have forgotten, whether she has form for it or not.

The cousins - I agree with a pp, perhaps it's time to re-think what you do for their birthdays.

Your friends - similar, stop keeping up birthdays with those who didn't remember.

Could it be that the cousins and friends don't want to 'do' birthdays any more, but rather than saying so, have chosen just to stop?

I'm glad the rest of your family made it a lovely day for you.

Happy Birthday @Handmethegin, hope you had a wonderful day!
Thank you, yes I did, I'm lucky to have such great people in my life and DS's "special birthday cuddle" was the best gift ever!

It’s not weird to send birthday wishes - it’s really nice that you remember and I’m sure it’s appreciated. In my life that would be beyond what’s expected. If you’re sending wishes in the expectation of getting them back from everyone, then I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Honestly, I think you're expecting too much. I couldn't tell you 99% of my cousins' birthdays, or their kids, and I wouldn't expect them to acknowledge mine. I have close to thirty cousins and about the same in the number of children they have though so it'd be a never ending task, but I don't think it's the norm for adult cousins to acknowledge their cousin's birthday, unless they're invited to a party.

I hope that you had a lovely birthday in spite of it though.

Could it be that the cousins and friends don't want to 'do' birthdays any more, but rather than saying so, have chosen just to stop?

I guess maybe so, we stopped exchanging gifts between the adults some time ago and shifted present giving to the kids. But not even a text though? Or a facebook post?

@PineappleSeahorse my family is much smaller than yours! I have 8 cousins.
2 cousins of a similar age to me that I'm in touch with regularly who I chat to a couple of times a week. They both forgot and it's them who I'm most hurt by. Then I have 3 cousins in their late twenties/early 30s who seem to know where I am when they want something. Not a peep from them. Another 2 who I'm not in touch with so fair dos.

I personally come from a long line of birthday forgetters, as does my DH. A very good friend of mine once told me that to her it's really important to get a call/card/acknowledgement of her birthday. Ever since then I kept her and a couple of other birthdays with reminders in my phone, because I don't want her to be upset. Just be upfront with people. Tell your cousins that it's important for you. I'm sure they are happy to make an effort if they know how much it means to you.

I felt like this a few years ago but the older I’m getting, the less I’m caring. I’ve stopped wishing those people happy birthday in return.

@VeryImportantTests If you’re sending wishes in the expectation of getting them back from everyone, then I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

No I'm not, I genuinely want them to have a good day, they my cousins, I love them! As for the kids, no they're just kids I like giving a little something on their birthday and Christmas.
It's not tit for tat but I just feel crappy that so many people forgot this year and am wondering what I have done to alienate so many people, it's not like I've forgotten them or their kids so it can't be that. As for friends, birthdays are over bloody facebook notifications. It wasn't a secret.

I know as you get older birthdays aren't a big thing. I don't expect presents or even cards but a happy birthday text would be nice

In the real world, they are. And people send cards and/or give gifts and sincerely wish Happy Birthday (and lots of us are quite capable of marking calendars or remembering off our own bat without requiring a FB prompt). And it is shit when people forget, I am sorry.

Belated Happy Birthday from me!

It's just MN where there is this strain of competitive under-caring about birthdays.

Happy birthday.
I will go along with what's already been said, in that your cousins and friends no longer want to do the birthday thing. The right way would have been to have told you at some stage.
My birthday and wedding anniversary are days apart so we now tend to be on holiday.
I know some of my siblings must get and remind mum with my card .( am just thankful she knows who I am for now)
Decide how you want to spend your birthday and try to do that.
Next year I will have a biggie and I doubt it will much different from last year ( not had this year's yet) which was topping up my tan and a nice meal in the usual resturantes.

I'm sorry OP, I would be devastated by this! Your own mother no less! I'm also baffled at friends who seem to be incapable of using a calendar, I have a few as well.

Happy belated birthday, I'm glad you had some important people in your life to make you feel special :)

Was it yesterday? If so - we're twins! So sorry to hear this. Belated happy birthday from me.

My family (I'm single so no DP or kids) remembered but it was as if they hadn't. They took me to an alcohol-tasting event (I'm teetotal due to experiencing parental alcoholism in childhood) and got me a truly hideous ornament made of papier-mâché which I opened later, and which I assume was supposed to be a joke.

Next year I'm hiding in my house with a book and refusing to do anything! People may call you a diva but a birthday is a chance to feel special and as though your loved ones really appreciate you. It can be really upsetting when that doesn't come through.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to remember my birthday apart from my DH and parents, tbh. If a couple of friends tenner then that’s a nice bonus.

You’re being a bit dramatic IMO.

If a couple of friends remember!

I would be surprised that your friends didn't send a text though.

Imo some people get so wrapped up in SM and virtual lives they forget about the real stuff!
Happy birthday op!

There's a bit of family politics going on with my sisters at the moment. Sister 1 forgot sister 2's son's birthday. I was asked by sister 2 if she should say anything. I sent a text on family group to say I'm glad he had a good day. Sister 1 stated that she forgot and was a rubbish aunty -still sent no card of gift.

A few weeks later it's sister 1's birthday. Sister 2 sent a card but no gift. Sister 1 then calls are mum moaning that noone ever does anything for her, she got no presents and she's a black sheep. 2 weeks later it was sister 2's birthday, she didn't even receive a text from sister 1.

Sister 1 is forever posting passive aggressive quotes on SM about blood being thicker than water, how generous she is and that everyone always takes advantage of her.

Sister 1 is a moron.
I send both sisters a card and that's it. Unless we can fit a time in to have a lunch or something that I will treat them to. Sister 1 is always so busy (doesn't work) Sister 2 will take up the offer (also doesn't work) I work full time and no sod bothers doing anything for me. ha ha
I send a card and a gift to all the children.
I don't take it personally. There behaviour is a reflection on them not me.
Not my problem