Help. Tell Friend or Not?

[shd654]

I have this situation with a really good friend of mine (call her A), kids are in same class at school and we know each other out of school too. She is a friend of the family and my husband is friends with her too.

She's a single mum, very lovely person but has had a very rough past, people have treated her appallingly, therefore she has this reluctance to trust people.

She is generally quite popular in the playground, chats to many of the mums. Her kid has been friends with this other kid a long time ago and through that she became friends with the parents, Dad (call him B) and Mum (call her C).

About 6 months ago B and C separated and she has remained friends with both, i see her chatting to both, she is friends with both on Facebook etc.

Now a few months ago my husband went out with his friend to the pub. He told me that he bumped into B and they started chatting for a while, first time they spoke. B was apparently quite drunk. Anyway in the conversation, A came up as a mutual friend. Apparently B said to my husband "C thinks there is something going between me and A, there isn't, but I tell you what I wouldn't mind having a go on her" My husband was shocked at that. He said it was totally disrespectful and he left after that. He doesn't even go back to that pub now in case he bumps into him.

Since then I've noticed that B is a bit creepy in the playground, like he looks around for A and then literally chases up the path after A even when shes talking to others. Its creepy.

I don't think A would ever be interested in B, hes 20 years older than her, there isn't anything there. I just think A innocently thinks she can be friends with B and C as they were before they separated.

I really don't know whether to say anything about this to A? It has weighed on me for a while.

On the one hand, I don't want to stick my nose in and appear like i'm spreading things about another of her friends. It could backfire and end up falling out with A.

On the other hand, I would hate it if something happened that could have been avoided if i'd have said something. Like A being caught innocently in the middle of a row between B and C. Like untrue playground gossip about A and B. Like a feeling like she has been betrayed by B when she finds out what he is really interested in.

I don't know what to do?

If you are good friends with A then a quiet word in her ear about what’s been said won’t hurt. As you said, she can then distance herself (if that’s what she wants to do), and it could potentially stop any confusion or potential issues between her and his ex wife.

I'd tell her if she's a good friend.

It's not even got to be creepy (and you doubly should if it has the slightest vibes of such) - some of us are just pathologically clueless when it comes to reading signals and it puts us into very awkward situations with regrettable regularity.

E.g. I only realised in hindsight - i.e. after my much more insightful mother happened to see me interact with the person in question and point out the glaringly obvious - that I had arguably been someone's emotional affair for a good few weeks. He was crushing hard on me - I was just having a bunch of very nice but ultimately meaningless chats. Felt horrible afterwards and wished someone had given me a hint earlier on.

Definitely tell her she needs that heads up in case the ex wife approaches her or so she can keep her distance from him.

Tell her 100%

Thanks. I know I need to tell her. It's just not my nature to get involved in gossip, he said this stuff etc.
I think I've left it a while, should have said sooner. Been a couple of months now.

I'll keep it fact based, not offer opinions unless asked.

Husband keeps playing devils advocate with me and worried B might work out something has been said or what if A takes it wrong way. When he goes to pick up kids, he says there is a real awkwardness now between him and B.

What exactly are you going to tell her? Oh your ex fancies a but there is nothing going on? They are seperated. He is single. As is a. He didn't leave her for a. Neither has done nothing wrong.

Stay out of it. Honestly you and your husband are making a drama out of nothing, he's split from his wife. He can fancy who he pleases, date who he pleases and it's nothing to do with the ex. It's simply not her business any more.

@bluntness100 I don't disagree with the fact they can do what they want. My concern is being a good friend to A, avoiding her getting into an awkward future situation.

I have information, do I share it? That's all.

No you don't share. Nothing to do with you and I'm not sure why you and your husband are making a drama out of nothing. You must be very bored.