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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that DH shouldn’t have done this

27 replies

hideyho · 23/06/2019 22:07

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My DH gave a lift home to a school mum and her 2dc following a playdate in our house. As he needed to bring our 2dc as well (I was going out) and his car can only seat 5, the younger dc of the mum sat on her lap in the passenger seat, she’s 18 months old. Neither the mum or her DH drive. Until recently they lived in our neighborhood so close to our house but they just moved to another suburb about a 15-20 min drive away (30 mins by bus). I wasn’t aware they had moved but there is good public transport so no issues in getting around.

Thing is, I voiced my concerns, but my DH had already made the offer, the mum had accepted and I was heading out (couldn’t change my plans) so wasn’t able to do anything. He usually has great judgement about things but I think this was irresponsible and dangerous. He thinks I am over reacting, it was a once off etc.

Opinions please, wise Mumsnetters!

OP posts:
EAIOU · 23/06/2019 22:10

It was very irresponsible! Not only for safety but if he had of been caught for the police.

What did he actually say when confronted?

Guest8989 · 23/06/2019 22:10

Well... it’s breaking the law, invalidates insurance, sheer stupidity on both his and the school mums account

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/06/2019 22:13

He shouldn't have offered. The mum shouldn't have accepted. A child on a lap is a no no for me. And an 18mo not in a suitable carseat is a no no for me too.

Do you have a second car? If so I'd have followed, with your own dc to her house, she gets out, your dc get in the car and you leave from there.

Still doesn't mean baby is in a suitable car seat but still a smidge better than on a lap.

sevenoftwelve · 23/06/2019 22:13

Well, being severely injured or killed in an accident only needs to happen once, doesn't it?

And that could happen in a two minute journey. Even if he was confident in his own driving, he has no way to control everything else that happens on the roads.

I'm amazed two adults could be so catastrophically stupid with a child's life.

mummmy2017 · 23/06/2019 22:14

It is done now, just make sure there is no repeat...
Ask him if his licence is needed for work...

Cryalot2 · 23/06/2019 22:14

You know he was wrong and against the law.

Yesicancancan · 23/06/2019 22:17

What an idiot, well a pair of idiots. Either that or they are desperate to spend time together and prepared to risk it.

ShawshanksRedemption · 23/06/2019 22:17

It's illegal and if he was stopped by the police he'd be facing a fine/points on his licence.

When I was younger (the 70s) we did this kind of thing a lot, but less people also survived crashes! The legislation exists to help protect us. Your DP ignoring it puts himself and others in the car in danger. Even if he thinks it won't happen because he's a safe driver, he can't unfortunately guarantee that everyone else is a safe driver too and accidents can still happen. No-one plans an accident.

Smelborp · 23/06/2019 22:18

What everyone else said.

If there had been an accident, he could have been prosecuted for dangerous driving. A child on a lap can often get crushed between the adult and the belt in an accident as the adult is moving forward, the belt isn’t tight against them to stop them so the child’s body does.

So heaven forbid, but he could have been jailed for death by dangerous driving.

Thehop · 23/06/2019 22:19

Utter bloody madness, on both their parts.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/06/2019 22:19

Either that or they are desperate to spend time together and prepared to risk it

The plot, like my gravy, thickens

Comedyusername · 23/06/2019 22:24

Stupid! Yanbu

Leeds2 · 23/06/2019 22:28

Show him this thread, so he can see that most (all?) people thing you are 100% correct.

Rezie · 23/06/2019 22:32

No, he shouldn't have done it. It's illegal and dangerous. That being said, I'm not sure it's such a big deal as a one off.

TheInvestigator · 23/06/2019 22:41

Where the other 3 children in the back all in car seats? I'm assuming the kids are all primary school age and would need to be in car seats. Can you fit 3 car seats into the back of his car?

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/06/2019 22:42

YANBU to think he shouldn’t have done it, and you’ve voiced your concern. Not much more to be done though, really, is there?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/06/2019 22:44

What a pillock.

Original poster
hideyho · 23/06/2019 22:47

Yes I think it was completely stupid as well. I know it was irresponsible for all the reasons mentioned. I’m just surprised he thinks it was ok, he’s so sensible about vast majority of things.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 23/06/2019 22:48

Its done now, not much that can be done after the event . And luckily nothing bad happened. Hopefully the situation won’t come up again

Isatis · 23/06/2019 22:49

Have you asked him if he fancies a fine, three penalty points, and a hefty insurance increase? Or being responsible for the death of a baby?

Not much more to be done though, really, is there?

I think there is. Notably, making him promise he will never do such an utterly stupid, irresponsible thing again.

swimmerforlife · 23/06/2019 22:52

What a dick. I take it no car seats too?

When a kid, my dad only had a two seater car so use to stick me in the boot sometimes. This was only in the 90s too. I thought it was 'cool' but looking back my dad was an irresponsible dickhead (my mum never found out).

Hecateh · 23/06/2019 22:56

It was wrong
He didn't think
You've discussed it
He won't do it again - unless you keep going on about it and then he might just to show (wrongly) that you are being unreasonable.

Learning a lesson and admitting to it are sometimes different. I agree with you but I'd leave it there so he doesn't feel backed into a corner.

Itssosunny · 23/06/2019 23:07

Couldn't you stay with your DCs and wait for him and then go out?

Itssosunny · 23/06/2019 23:08

At least he could have tried to bring them back to their homes while you were still at home not when you were ready to go out.

RomanyQueen · 23/06/2019 23:21

I wouldn't trust him with the kids with such poor judgement.
Somebody could have been killed. How irresponsible of them both, and your dh miniising it probably means he doesn't agree with you and would do it again.

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