It is hard to maintain friendships after DC

[user87382294757]

with friends who have not had children (or indeed the other way round)?

Depends on the friends. Good ones stay bad ones don't. I've been my 3 closest friends as often since having a baby. Whta we do ahs changed eg lunch rather than night sin pub but it's still fun

Do you have a partner/husband who can look after the kids while you go out?

I found it difficult to see my friends because I am a lone parent. My friends have changed since becoming a mum. It is easier for me to spend time with other single parents who have kids my son's age. Tried my best to keep in touch with my old friends but I found it too hard to meet up with them.

By no means impossible, but I do think that often people's lives drift apart and so friendship become less close.

My dc both slept badly for the first couple of years and maintaining friendships was not high on my agenda. It was also hard for people who hadn't been there to understand what it was like. I suspect if I had spent time with pre-dc friends at that time they would have found me dull, as I was exhausted and had nothing to talk about except baby things, because that's what my life consisted of.

Some of those friendships have recovered now the dc are older, but not all.

I'm the friend without children in this scenario.

As PP says, the way you 'do' the friendship changes.

On the flip side there are those who find parenting so absorbing that it doesn't leave much space (and not necessarily for 'good' reasons like lack of sleep or poor health).

Good friendships are flexible though so hopefully can bend with the wind

Maybe it depends on the person. I have a good friend who I've known for years since university and she seemed to take it personally and as if I was questioning her own choices not to have DC. And yes I really made an effort to see her alone and have DH mind the children to meet up with her alone for lunch. It is still an issue.

I didn’t have kids til late but managed to keep friends with those with kids. I was flexible enough plus I liked being with their kids so didn’t mind if our outings were now to a park rather than a wine bar!

Parents often say maintaining friendships was not high on my agenda but at the same time complain that friends drift or aren't there for them. Friendships should be reciprocated and even if you are overwhelmed by parenthood, sending a text or acknowledgement of thenother person's life is important.

It's her then isn't it.

I've always been willing to go with the flow with the ones who are clearly making the time to fit me in. I've been happy down the park pushing the kids on the swings, chatting between times. I've sat on the side of swimming lessons, done the school run, attended toddlers' birthday parties. I don't think I'm especially amenable.

It's more frustrating with the ones who are consumed by it.

I hate this ‘good friends stay, bad ones don’t’. I bend over backwards for my friends but I can’t force people to meet up whether it’s with their kids, without their kids, near theirs, in the park, at a coffee shop, in the day time etc. If a friend has a child and drifts away from me over the years, because their busy with their job and partner and child, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a bad friend does it? Or that she’s a bad friend?

My friend would not be happy going to a park, and huffed one time we met at a restaurant and one of my DC was there (even though he was good as gold)..said she had needed the loo on the bus and had been an effort coming over etc...all a bit strange. But yes it has caused a rift and doesn't seem to be changing as they grow older either. I feel I can't talk about anything to do with the Dc but yet listen to lots of stuff about her dogs and go with her to buy gifts for these dogs...but would not make her go shopping for the DCs clothes. All a bit strange, maybe has just run it's course.

Depends on your friends, your partner and your kids, I think.

I’m the first of my friends to have kids and have maintained friendships pretty well. The longer distance ones are harder- I can’t go down to London for a weekend like I used to. My local friends and I still see each other pretty much the same amount though- we usually have a girly night every couple of weeks and then events with our partners spread throughout the year eg, camping, beer festival. My best friend is a nurse so often had weekdays off, so when I was on maternity leave I quite often went shopping or for lunch with her and the baby. She’s lovely and great with my daughter, I’m very lucky!

I’ve never had this problem and I had my kids young. We’re now nearly 30 and I’m the only one of the group with kids and still close as ever!