There is a lot of codependency on here

[user87382294757]

There are always questions about can they do something alone, should they let their partner do whatever, why are people on here so codependent? I even saw one where they wanted to split up as wanted to do more of their own hobbies etc - but could not consider doing stuff alone within the relationship. It seems to me there is an unusual amount of codependency around.

I think that’s a bit of a sweeping statement op. However, in RL and on here I am sometimes surprised at the fact that some people can be so possessive of their partners (male and female) and have never understood the mentality of ‘if one of us goes, we all go or not at all’.

YANBU but it's everywhere....not just on MN.

I know couples who stand together for the entirety of a party. If one of them is spoken to by someone of the opposite sex, then the other will say "I'm his wife" or "I'm her husband"

And they won't accept an invitation to dinner unless BOTH can attend.

Weird.

You're not unreasonable, it seems odd to me too. Husband and I have always done our own thing within our marriage, including having own friends. Can't imagine otherwise. Marriage isn't a prison.

I wonder if it may be that more women are codependent than men and mainly women / mothers post on here.

Henny, they sound insufferable

My older sister is like this.

I barely see her and whenever I suggest meeting up and getting our children together it's always "I'll have to ask DH" or "DH is working that day".

1. I didn't invite him, I invited you as you are my sister.
2. seriously, you have to ask permission to see your family.

She has her own car and drives so that isn't the reason.
It makes me feel really uncomfortable.
Of course I let my partner know my plans but I need my own space/hobbies etc and we don't own each other

I do wonder about this too. I'm in my 60's - when I was young it was common for women to cling to their husbands, ask him if they could go out, etc. I honestly thought that the advent of the women's movement would change things - but nope ! I still see plenty of women on MN saying the same things, as if they are joined to DH at the hip. The more things change, the more they stay the same apparently.

I wonder if it may be that more women are codependent than men and mainly women / mothers post on here

More co-dependent than men? Isn't that just plain old dependent then?

Is it not just a logistical thing in RL though? I’ll often say ‘let me check with DH’ but I’m not going to ask permission! I’m checking that he hasn’t already agreed to us doing something else and not told me. We do talk (honest) but things fall between the cracks because we’re all busy. Or I need to check that he’s home that evening for the DC (if he has a work event I may or may not have it in my diary...see above re things falling between the cracks...also his employer is rubbish about giving him literally days notice that he needs to be in).

On here...I’m always stunned that people take offence that their OH has friends who aren’t mutual. But again, in RL I may say to a friend ‘we’d love to see you but DH won’t be in’...I’m just giving them the option to reschedule if they were hoping to see both of us!

I think it’s only a bad thing if one of the people in the relationship is unhappy with it. Many couples are very happy spending their lives together and barely having time apart.

By definition, people posting with such questions are a self-selecting group who have those issues. They are not representative of the MN membership as a whole.

And because MN is predominantly women, you would expect to see more women than men posting about almost every topic.

I haven't noticed this but only rarely read a thread from the relationship board.

I've noticed it on here but not a lot of it.

One of the great things about being married is being able to say “I’ll check with DH to see if we can make it/whether we’ll buy this etc” when really what I mean is “I don’t want to but I also don’t want to hurt your feelings”.

I'm the same as delurking

Three times today I have said "I'll have to ask DH"
But it is all logistics not permission, basically, can he look after the kids? Or have I already agreed to something he has failed to write on the calendar, and therefore I have forgotten about.

I'm not sure that's the true meaning of codependency. What you're describing is more dependency I think. Codependency is when one partner has a problem like alcoholism and the other partner is caught up in a dynamic with that problem, to the point of enabling it (eg calling his work to tell him he's ill when actually he's got a hangover).

I pressed yabu on the poll thing because it's not something I'd ever seen. Then I thought about it more and realise that all of my siblings are in relationships like this. Can't bear to go out without the other half if they're there but then complain they never get time alone to do hobbies or whatever.

Dh & I are more relaxed I think. We both have things we do separately and are happy to go out without each other. Having said that, we often have to check with each other before making plans because we've got young dc who need looking after so can't go out at the same time without arranging childcare and feel it's unfair to lumber all the child/house stuff on one parent more than once or twice a week.

I'm not just meaning in romantic relationships as well but generally.

I always ask my husband before making plans, not for permission but for logistics.

I HATE when couples can't do anything apart. My idea of hell is only socialising with other couples and having none of our own friends. I basically never see his friends and we barely socialise together, just not our thing at all.

The other thing I find annoying, is when one person( usually husband),says "Thats what we think "without saying Dont we or whatever to their partner!.Like they have one brain only between them!

It's the internet, so you get the extremes. I'm sure the 80% of us who get on through life in a normal ish way mostly lurk and comment. It's the 10% at either end of the scale starting most of the threads. And most of them are made up

It makes sense to talk about plans especially when you have DC. Just makes sense really. I think that is different for having to ask permission for example.