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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A dog problem!

38 replies

Sistersis · 22/06/2019 23:54

Partner wants a dog knowing full well I'm not animal lover, plus have previously been attacked by dogs so do not fancy living with one.

We will be moving in together with next three months. He always known my fear of them right from the beginning. Plus I'm heavy on the hygiene cleaning front and I don't want my home to smell like dogs. I won't have time for it either and if we are to have kids, I certainly would not seen walking dogs as priority. For me animals should be outdoors roaming not to be domesticated to be kept indoors.

He's convinced they will be a great addition to the home and a way to 'flood' my fear away. How do we get around this one.

OP posts:

DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 22/06/2019 23:56

New partners for both of you.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/06/2019 00:18

Households should only have pets if everyone is fully on board with the idea.

If your partner was a real animal lover I would have thought he'd know that.

Cryalot2 · 23/06/2019 00:21

I understand but have no real answer. Is there no compromise .
What sort of dig does he want and is he prepared to go train it and look after it?
It will also cost.
I used to be terrified of dogs ( still scared of big dogs off lead)
But I own a cute wee dog and she has changed our lives. Does not go out in the rain unless she has a coat .
She is never in the kitchen and has only access to certain areas .
We all love her to bits .
So just wondered if compromise was possible.

pigsDOfly · 23/06/2019 00:21

Unless you're both really committed to having any sort of pet then it would be a disaster to get a one. And you certainly don't get a dog with the idea that it would hopefully cure your fear of them.

Dogs are hard work and they need commitment for their lifetime, which can be as much as 16 years or longer.

Commitment means training, regular exercise, companionship for the dog, care and nursing when they get ill and caring for them when they get old. Paying for vet treatments, insurance; dogs aren't cheap.

Commitment also means you have to plan everything ahead. So no deciding on Friday afternoon that you'll go away for a romantic weekend together, not unless you have someone to leave the dog with. Days out have to be organised allowing for the fact that a dog really shouldn't be left alone longer than about 4/5 hours.

You say when you have children walking a dog wouldn't be your priority so I'm guessing all the the above wouldn't be things you'd want to prioritise either.

You are being the sensible one here. You know what you can and can't do and how you want to live your life.

He isn't being realistic in expecting you to go along with his idea of what having a dog involves..

He's right, having a dog can be a great addition to the home, but only if everybody in the home wants one.

You need to get this ironed out before you move in together.

How do you get round it? You don't get a dog.

Original poster

Sistersis · 23/06/2019 11:30

Thanks for this, may just show him this to get him to realise. It's not like he didn't know if anything it's one of the first thing he knew about me.

He want to get a Chow Chow and a Labrador so not even something small. Chows grow to be enormous from my understanding

OP posts:

BumandChips · 23/06/2019 11:33

Is he the type just to come home one day with a puppy? There are several threads where this has happened because the partner is stupid and irresponsible.

I’m afraid unless you all agree then no he can’t get a dog.

Queenioqueenio · 23/06/2019 11:34

I’m an animal lover and a pet owner and I would say your needs cleaning, smells and exercising are definitely not compatible.
Despite my best efforts, pet hair gets all over, and dogs do need companionship and exercising twice a day. Please don’t relent and agree to this - it wont be fair on the dog.

PeePooAndPaperOnly · 23/06/2019 11:34

I am a massive dog lover but would recommend you don't get one. They are a huge commitment. It's not fair to you or the dog. If he wants you to try and get over your fear try a therapy dog.. Don't let him bully you into it

Costacoffeeplease · 23/06/2019 11:37

You’re obviously not compatible, and if he brings home a ‘surprise’ puppy, he’s a stupid, irresponsible twat (hope he reads this)

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 23/06/2019 11:42

He clearly isn't listening to you. Take this as a huge mahoosive sign of things to come.
Ltb.

squee123 · 23/06/2019 11:42

You would hate it. Dogs shed hair, they smell, they are as demanding as a toddler that never grows up. I adore dogs so none of this bothers me in the slightest, but it will make you miserable.

If you relent I guarantee that when you have kids you'll either end up rehoming the dog or with the dog having major behavioural problems because its needs won't be met. You are being responsible in recognising that it isn't for you and should stamd your ground.

NoSquirrels · 23/06/2019 11:45

Don't move in with each other.

You can only move in with him if he understands you will NEVER live with a dog and it's a deal-breaker (you mean that, presumably).

He can only move in with you if he understands he will NEVER have a dog whilst living with you and agrees to not resent this.

If it was one of the first things he knew about you and he's still intending to get a bloody Chow-chow and a Lab, then he's not listening to you and doesn't respect you.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 23/06/2019 11:46

It so isn't about a ddog. It's about his attitude that he knows whats best for you better than you do..
Twatism that's what it is imo.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/06/2019 12:51

He want to get a Chow Chow and a Labrador

So, not even a dog, but two completely different types of largish, very hairy dogs?

If he could guarantee that he would be completely responsible for a dog, including all the cleaning necessary to be compatible with your requirements (which are not unreasonable if you're not a dog lover), if he fully comprehends what's entailed in terms of commitment and costs, and if you could overcome your fears first, then maybe it could work.

But those things are prerequisites. If he's inclined to ride roughshod over your entirely reasonable concerns (and I say this as a dog-loving dog owner) then honestly you need to think very hard about progressing your relationship with him.

makingmammaries · 23/06/2019 13:34

Chows are not the best-natured of dogs, Labs are hyperactive when young ... gee whiz, what is he thinking about?

pigsDOfly · 23/06/2019 13:38

He wants to get a Chow Chow and a Labrador

Well unless he's planning on living in some sort of mansion you are going to find yourself overwhelmed by large, hairy, smelly dogs.

Does he actually know anything about these dog breeds?

Chow Chows generally aren't that good with other dogs. Can't imagine one taking kindly to having to share its home with a bouncy Labrador.

Frankly, he sounds like an idiot.

If you go along with his wishes and let him push you into agreeing, I imagine it's highly likely that a few months down the line these will be two more dogs added to the thousands of dogs being handed in to rehoming centres.

Think very carefully before you set up home with this person.

Cherrysoup · 23/06/2019 13:39

Chows are medium size, probably not as tall as most labs, but extremely hairy, of course. He’s being unfair saying he wants one if you’ve always been clear on not wanting one.

merrymouse · 23/06/2019 13:42

Does he know that a young dog can only be left alone for about 4 hours, and for many dogs that is too long? Who does he think is going to walk the dog?

Dogs are a fantastic addition to the home if you love dogs. If you don't it's just a huge amount of hassle, expense and commitment.

OneStepSideways · 23/06/2019 13:43

YANBU

I wouldn't have a dog in my house either.

Could you compromise and he builds an enclosure for it in the garden (with a heated kennel etc) and it lives there? And he would have to agree to do all the walking, care etc and not bring it indoors.

Costacoffeeplease · 23/06/2019 14:59

What’s the point of having a dog and making it live in a kennel?
FFS

pigsDOfly · 23/06/2019 15:14

What's the point of having a dog and making it live in a kennel?

Lovely for the neighbours I imagine. Two lonely incompatible dogs living in someone's back garden. That's going to go well isn't it?

BumandChips · 23/06/2019 16:36

It’s like he’s picked two random breeds and gone ‘I want those‘.

BossAssBitch · 23/06/2019 16:49

You are not compatible at all ! I am a huge dog lover and have two dogs, DH and I adore them, they are such wonderful additions to our family. However, I could not have even considered getting together with DH in the first place if he didn’t love dogs like I do as my life would not be complete without dogs in it.

If your partner wants to live with you more than he wants to live with dogs he will have to get over his urge to have dogs, simple as that. It would be cruel to the dogs to to force them onto a self proclaimed non lover of animals. I hope your partner acts responsibly and doesn’t just bring a couple of puppies home, that would be a very stupid thing to do.

sillysmiles · 23/06/2019 16:52

Don't get a dog.

Both you and he need new partners though as that's a fairly large incompatibility.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 23/06/2019 17:05

Compromise: If he gets a dog, then you get to pick the breed.
Neither Chows nor Labs are suitable for someone who is afraid of dogs and who values cleanliness.
Choose one that is non-shedding and will not get bigger than 25 pounds full grown. A miniature schnauzer or a cavapoo are both possibilities.

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