AIBU about not wanting to socialise much with my partners friends?
We have been together nearly 2 years and engaged 6 months. We currently live apart due to finances and have been aiming to live together for a year now - fingers crossed this year! I spend 50-60 hours a week commuting and working. Weekends are our couple quality time and my sort of down time.
I apologise in advance for sounding bratty, I wouldn't say I'm generally this bad but I can recognise it in these instances. I'm not the best at enjoying things I don't enjoy haha.
So…we are opposites;
Me a small town girl in my late 20s, reserved, only a few friends, homebody, likes to go out during the day to enjoy nature. I don’t connect with many people and find it hard to make friends. He, a rough area central London guy much older than me (well into double figures but let’s not get into that), very gregarious, talks to everyone, loud, outgoing, if he has spare time will leave the house to socialise. Considers himself to have crazy amount of casual friends (100s) and a reasonable number of actual friends (10-20)
I like to have quality 1-1 or small group time with my close friends and family (neither of which are local). My DP is obviously a social butterfly but doesn’t fit in with my friends. For me, there's a difference between genuinely having a good time and getting on and being sociable I would rather have that quality time than a civil meet up with my friends and our partners if I can help it.
He prefers to socialise as much as we can. Whenever I’m in the local area he jumps on the opportunity, for some reason apparently they all like me and I believe it makes him feel good and boosts his ego.I try to accommodate and humour him as much as I can tolerate – here are the examples;
At least 15 times, I’ve sat at his friends house for a few hours whilst they talk about the same things. Nice guy and sometimes I’ve been able to join in conversation.
At least 20 times, I’ve visited his local pub so he can chat and play pool. Most times, I’ve just been sat there. All nice enough people, but I don’t fit in nor found anyone I connect with.
I took time off work to visit his friend abroad who was very unaccommodating and a terrible host – I will be very upset if he asks me to do that again.
Been on three nights out – 1st was with 1 other girl and a group of men in a packed club awkwardly standing around drinking as its too loud to converse. 2nd for a birthday party with 4 of his friends and their partners. Too loud for me to join in conversation. 3rd was NYE where I was with him and 3 male friends just standing drinking whilst he chatted to them – I chatted to them sometimes but again too loud and I have a quiet voice. I also don’t drink alcohol.
We did lunch with someone who he met on holiday as they’re a married couple – it was pleasant enough. In the past year I doubt they’ve been in touch with each other.
When we first started dating, he was happy with my idea of us seeing our friends separately most of the time, which I now know was to humour me or keep me happy. Since that point, he’s tried to create as many situations where we are out as a couple as possible.
This week I turned down a birthday night out for a purely selfish reason and I know I sound bratty. I didn’t want to find a outfit that fits, dig makeup out, get on the train and pretend till 2am in the morning I’m having a blast.
I said to him it’ll be great for him to see (long term friend A) and (long term friend B) and spend time with them. He said he’d like me to go and feels as we are a couple we should attend things as a couple. Thankfully he let me get out of this one, but I know there will be a next time.
AIBU?