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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutely fuming with my fiance

40 replies

spongebob111 · 22/06/2019 23:13

Im fuming!

Ive been feeling so low recently, lower than low. Im the sort of person that bottles things up and really cannot find the words to talk about how im feeling... Weve sat and had a few drinks to relax and i felt ok to talk. He managed to get me talking and guess what? He fell asleep! Immediately. I said are you asleep. He sat up and said no just thinking carry on... indid for a moment and said no youre asleep.

Now he wants me to talk and hes all wide awake!! I dont want to talk! That was the chance, thats when it felt natural and easier.... now i just hate him!! I dont have no parents or anybody to talk to apart from him. Ive just had a baby four weeks ago and cant help but feel hes a utter prick and now bothered about his feelings... hes damanding i tell him because he was tired. I get that but i done it and now feel rejected and just awful. Would others feel the same given they arent in a good place right now?

OP posts:

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/06/2019 09:29

The grow up remark really was hurtful.

Well perhaps take some time to consider whether that’s because there’s some truth on it. You have four children, yet you are still sulking like a surly teen.

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 09:43

I bet youre really popular and people wish they were just like you

OP posts:

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/06/2019 10:18

You’re really not helping the ‘I’m not childish’ argument.

teddypasty · 23/06/2019 11:58

@StillCoughingandLaughing your posts are vile

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/06/2019 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/06/2019 12:31

for you OP, obviously it's a difficult time. However I do think it's important to remember that it's not your DP's job to get it out of you or coax it out of you, that's your own responsibility. Ideal or not he is clearly tired and fell asleep. That doesn't mean he doesn't care or isn't interested, it means he's tired and the situation is difficult. If you felt able to talk once, you can do it again, writing it off because of this is simply cutting your nose off to spite your face. If you are aware you have lingering issues with mental health then its brilliant to have identified that but your DP is not a counsellor or parent, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. I honestly would go to the GP or self refer to talk to a therapist for these issues as they are qualified to help.

Could you say to your DP that you believe your mental health is suffering post partum and have made a doctors appointment and will need his support. Tell him what support you need. Ask if he can provide it during this time. He isn't a mind reader so anything else is going to leave you as disappointed as you currently are, I suspect.

Focus on the bigger picture OP, get some rest.

BlackCatSleeping · 23/06/2019 13:06

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Perhaps there's a time for bluntness and a time for compassion.

Sometimes people need a kick in the pants, sometimes people need a cup of tea and sympathy.

Op is feeling down. It's not about point scoring.

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 13:09

I appreciate i asked for opinions and i got them. I hope people are kind to you when you ask for advice.

OP posts:

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 13:17

@dontgobaconmyheart thanks for your response. A sleep done me good, i got over sensitive last night... we spoke, he knows i need help, told me hes worried and he suggested we visit the gp and ive agreed. I was in a bad place yesterday and more so last night and i could not see a tomorrow and clearly aimed it all at my fiance. im feeling a weight has been lifted today just by telling him how i feel.

I think thebest thing i can do now is delete this but im not sure how to. I value honesty but sometimes the internet brings people that dont realise they ate talking to humans.

OP posts:

Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 13:25

I actually understand how you are feeling. I also have four DC, youngest is 7 months old. 3/4 weeks after he was born I remember wanting to smother my DP with a pillow during the night because he got to sleep and I didn’t, at all. Exclusively breastfed so not much DP could have really done but I was so, so bitter and filled with rage and resentment at the time. I fantasised about hitting him to wake him up and would sit there muttering swear words at him . It’s completely out of character and I haven’t felt this way since DS started sleeping through but it was such a difficult time.

It’s a truly exhausting time, you wanted to talk to him about your problems and he couldn’t even make an effort to stay awake. YANBU at all, he needs to support you better.

DrPeppersPhD · 23/06/2019 13:46

I do know how it feels to bottle everything up and then suddenly just needing to say everything all at once. I also know how it feels to have family members seem disinterested when this happens. I do have to say though, you overreacted in this instance. You've got a new baby, you're both exhausted, and as much as he does need to be there for you, he's not your counsellor and if you need to speak to someone a better bet would be calling someone like the Samaritans or, as you've done, venting on a forum.

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 15:53

@Pinkmouse6 thank you for your response. Im feeling much better today. We spoke this am. We have 4 childten, 3 of which under 3. Im a badass mama and get on with it without complaining Nd do run off very little sleep... im use to that. I was so upset because i was relaxed and was chatting to him, then i turn and hes asleep... i shout you're asleep... he says no im listening and rambles then drops off again. I told him to go to bed and he wouldnt. I was in floods i was suicidal last night and thats when i spoke. I saw the perinatal team at the start of this pregnancy so i know i can see them again. Ill get there.

OP posts:

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 16:01

@DrPeppersPhD thank you for your reply. Youre right it was a overreaction, im aware of that today. Thats why i came here upset, rather than shout at him. I do wonder though what women think their parthers/husbands are for when so many are tellung me i should be looking to others to talk to. I helped him out of a major drug addiction, away from crack cocaine and heroin when nobody else saw the good in him. Timagine the talking, counselling and support that required me giving... this is the first time in our long relationship ive been weak and needed him... he was tired and thats why he fell asleep but its why i felt i needed him. I felt something scary and new and cried till 5am. Im rrady to sort things for myself i guess people have advised me and dont know me so its hard to respond

OP posts:

Original poster

spongebob111 · 23/06/2019 16:03

And this tablet is terrible to type on

OP posts:

CanuckBC · 23/06/2019 16:21

(((Hugs))) You have every right to be upset especially considering what you were talking about! I realize you just disclosed it but you shouldn’t have to. If he had said it’s ok to talk he should have taken steps ie a coffee, tea, pop, uncomfortable position or something to stay awake.

The post partum hormones after a difficult pregnancy and birth can swing far and wide make you miserable. Please, go for help. I am not sure what you have in the UK but I am sure you can call a crisis line to just talk to someone through the moment, long term your midwife or hv nurse or the like.

With my first I had horrific post partum depression. It was hell. It really helped to have counselling, group therapy and just talk to other moms about it.

I wish you the best.

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