To want friends to say yes or no to a night out?

[GerryDarling]

I volunteer at our local indie music venue. It's good fun and I get to see bands for free. In return I have to take tickets at the door for about 20 mins at the beginning and also help out at the bar in the interval.

I can also bring a friend along to see any band, again for free. I sign up for shifts about a month in advance and I can pick which bands I want to see. I usually then message one of a pool of friends to see if they would like to come along for the night. I try to pick a band they would be interested in as they all like different genres. I also make it clear there's no pressure to say yes, but that it would be nice to see them.

About 2 times out of 3 the friend will say they'll think about it and let me know. And then quite often they don't get back to me, or say a day or two beforehand that they can't make it, and I end up going on my own. AIBU to wish they would say yes or no fairly soon after being asked so that I can then ask someone else?

I don't mind going on my own if necessary, but I'd much rather have some company. I feel like they think "Oh well she's going anyway (to volunteer) so it doesn't matter if I turn up or not." But it does matter to me. If they don't like the sound of the band or don't want to spend the evening with me, can't they just politely decline when I first ask them?

It's about 3 different friends who are doing this and I wish I could put across to them that I would actually like an answer rather than waiting until the day to hear I'll be going on my own again.

Do they have children? I sometimes carnt give a definite yes or no untill the day before or often the day due to my children's needs. But in your case I would recline knowing this and say to invite someone else at the start not leave you hanging.

So if you have children you are unable to commit to plans until 2 days before hand?
I would quite like to understand why not. Can understand having to call off at last minute but not being unable to firm up till the last minute.

Cest because some of us don't have anyone around to provide childcare and not in a position to afford a babysitter. Some of us have disabled children who's needs come first. Some of us have children who become sick last minute. Not so hard to belive.

Could you do a group chat message with all the friends and who ever says yes first gets the ticket? If they change their mind you can send the message out again.

Perhaps they don’t want to go but don’t like to say so.
If they mess you around once ,don’t ask again

Hmm I agree I don’t think it’s that they don’t want to spend time with you personally to be honest. I think quite possibly the opposite. If I went to a gig with a mate, I’d want to be able to chat with them (before and during the interval). Obviously you can’t chat during the gig whilst the band are playing and you’re saying you’re volunteering before and during the interval, so no opportunity to chat. Would seem pointless to me unless I was actually desperate to see the band.

I would say no straight away though not try and fudge it