No friends

[sausage2E]

I am 59 and have no friends. Went all through school with no friends. Did get married to someone I met at work. He did think it was weird that I had no friends, we are divorced. My kids don’t really talk to me. I am so lonely. What is wrong with me. I think I am a nice person. I am painfully shy though.

How old are your children, and do you know why they don’t talk to you? Have you any interests/hobbies?

It’s probably because you are so shy. If you don’t talk to people, then they aren’t going to get to know yoi sufficiently to form a friendship.

Hi, please start some hobbies. It will make it easier to make friends

Do you work?

Sorry to hear this OP. My DD is like you, she's lovely but really struggles with friends and I can't see why.

My advice to her has been to join some clubs (the Meet-up app is very good) and to make sure she listens to what people say and ask them lots of questions.

What do you enjoy doing?

Hi sausage2E - I feel for you, I really do. It is soul destroying, destructive and sometimes overwhelming isn't it? I am of a similar age to you, feel that I have spent most of my life alone and not sure how to change it. Have a birthday coming up soon and I am dreading it - it will, once again, be spent completely alone and unmarked by anyone - I hate birthdays, it just reinforces the feeling of isolation!It seems to me that, generally speaking, on MN the advice is to 'volunter', join a club or take up a sport in order to engage with other people. However, as I know only too well, if one suffers from shyness, social anxiety or is a reserved personality, this is much easier said than done. I have no real advice for you, but just wanted to show solidarity and let you know that I am sending you my best wishes. Tried to send you a personal message, but without success - I am not good with gadgets and modern technology! Very best wishes to you

My father has no friends. My mum divorced him and I barely speak to him. I think he's borderline autistics and I find out awkward and am unable to have a conversation with him.

My stepmother threatened to divorce him so many times.

I don't think it's my Dad is a bad person. Some people are just less equipped to join the majority.

I feel that my husband is turning out to be like my Dad...

I think there are scales of this though. It is one thing to be shy - introverted even - but another to have no friends.
Plenty of people aren't confident to walk into a room where they know no-one.
Tell us a bit more - do you work ?

Do you currently go to anything / attend anything on a regular basis (from Church to theatre, to museums, to sports fixtures, to gigs, to going to the cinema) ?

How old are your dc ?
I think them not speaking to you is a completely different situation. Isolating yourself from potential adult friendships is one thing, but how have you got to the situation where your dc don't speak to you ?

Bless you OP. I think you should consider some counselling to see if there's a route to your shyness. Possibly low self esteem?

Also, would you consider volunteering? I volunteer for the homeless and my local food bank and not only do you feel like you've a purpose and are helping others, but it boosts esteem too.

Like PPs have said, hobbies are a great idea too.

Also, look at the Meet Up app and see what events are going on locally. Good luck.

I think OP you need counselling to get to the bottom of why this is. The advice to go to places to meet people does not really help I think if you do not know why you can not make friends. You need to know that first before you can change it.
Just to add in case you are thinking it, it will not be because you are horrible. I am sure you are lovely OP, but I meet plenty of horrible people who have friends.
It is more likely to be because of a lack of social skills. It could also be useful to read books on social skills and how to improve them. There are lots aimed at adults, and teenagers.
An example of a lack of social skills of someone I worked with was a woman I knew who as far as I knew had no friends, but did have a DH and a DC. She was chatty to people but would tell people she had just met inappropriate personal things. For example, I remember a colleague who had just started work coming to me to say this woman had been telling her all about her sex life with her DH. This woman really needed someone to explain to her what she was doing that made people keep their distance. No amount of going to clubs was going to help her meet friends.

My parents are like this, they have no friends.
To be honest it is so difficult to talk to them and have a conversation. Because they don't speak to people or do things me and my siblings have very little to talk to them about. We actually dread having to visit them. We wish they'd join some some of club to get out there and mix and do things, then we would have something to talk to them about. I have suggested a walking club that meets twice a week and then does scenic walks every so often. I also think they should join the local tidy towns group who meet once a week to tidy up the village.
It really makes me mad/sad that they won't make an effort with anyone or anything so my advice to you would be to try and join a group doing something you enjoy and see how it goes from there.

From what you've said I would suggest that you look into neurodiverse brains, autism spectrum being one of them. My daughter is likely to be on the spectrum and she is desperately lonely, she longs for friends but doesn't understand how to make them or keep them.

A good starting point is a book called odd girl out, written by someone who was diagnosed in their 40's. See if any of her experiences resonate.

There are also lots of online tests you can do, to see if they flag anything up. Obviously none of them will diagnose, but they might signpost you to ideas.

I also echo the suggestions to look into therapy. They can help you explore this further, if you feel it's applicable to you.

Good luck! You sound lovely, please believe that you are not unlovable xx