Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd

34 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:00

Dd has a good friend and she is at a birthday sleepover but left gift behind.
I have just noticed that she gas added an expensive item we allowed her to buy.would you intervene abd st

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:01

Send too soon.
Would you intervene and stop her giving it. The additional gift cost about 30 pounds.
Thank you

OP posts:
DoneLikeAKipper · 22/06/2019 19:01

Want to try again?

DoneLikeAKipper · 22/06/2019 19:02

I’m still not clear. Your daughter has bought a gift, left it behind but also has a more expensive gift (bought with your permission) that you now want to stop her from giving?

Bambamber · 22/06/2019 19:04

Did she use her own money to buy the additional item?

Expressedways · 22/06/2019 19:05

If you daughter has forgotten the gift then just take it with you when you pick her up. Not sure I understand the other bit of the post, do you mean that your DD has added an expensive item that belongs to her to the friend’s birthday present? Or do you mean that your DD has purchased an additional gift for her friend? Who paid for it? And how old are they?

VivienneHolt · 22/06/2019 19:06

So you let her buy the item thinking she was buying it for herself but it now seems she’s giving it to her friend?

I would probably intervene just to try and find out why she was keeping it a secret from you. I would want to know if she was being pressured to give it, for example.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:07

I purchased something for dd that she adked for.
I have now discovered that she has added this to the gifts she is giving her friend.
So the friend is now getting a gift worth about 30 pounds that I purchased for dd.
Cant decide whether to remove it or take money from dds bank account.
So wondering what the consensus is?

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 22/06/2019 19:07

Another one who doesn't understand, OP.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:08

Sorry not clear. She is almost 13

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 22/06/2019 19:09

I would remove it, if I had bought it for DD.

DoneLikeAKipper · 22/06/2019 19:09

Sounds like she wanted it for the friend, but couldn’t ask as you’d say no. Does it really matter she’s given it to the friend? Is it something you couldn’t really afford but got it anyway? How old is your daughter?

VivienneHolt · 22/06/2019 19:09

I would hold on to it and speak to your DD. It’s odd that she was going to give it away if it’s something she wanted, and I would want to know why. Is she being pressured or bullied, is she trying to buy affection, is she scared of her friend etc.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:09

Former express

OP posts:
DoneLikeAKipper · 22/06/2019 19:10

Is this a new friend? Twelve is an awkward age, is she trying to butter up a friendship group?

Queenfreak · 22/06/2019 19:10

I would remove the item you bought for your daughter. Its hers, not her friends.
Could it be she wanted to show her friend- so had added it to the pile so she wouldn't forget it?
How old are they?

Perditavita · 22/06/2019 19:10

I’d explain to your DD that that gift was bought for her specifically and while it’s nice that she wants to give it to her friend, it was a lot of money. It was also your money that was used to pay for it without your knowledge which is wrong and that in future, she’s not to add anything without telling you unless she uses her own money. Depending on her age, I’d tell her to transfer the money back to you

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:11

I think you are right done.

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 22/06/2019 19:15

She's added something of her own to her friend's gift?

Why would you take money back or take the gift back?

Whatever you do decide to do, please don't embarrass your child by taking the gift back.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:17

It is a tough one and I am edging towards removing it. I am cross about the deceit but tbh if dd had asked I would have said no so I can see why she did it.
Other option perhaps would be to remove other gifts and make dd pay half.

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 22/06/2019 19:18

I'd worry she is trying to buy this girls friendship. I'd also be wondering if she bought pretending it was for her but planned to give it away all along.
The girl's parents will also likely be thinking wtf at a very expensive gift and it could make things awkward.
As a child/teen my friends and I would say we were buying each other all manner of expensive gifts for each others' birthdays when in reality we would be buying a less extragavant gift of a box of chocolates.
Maybe it started like this and your daughter felt obligated.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:19

So difficult.

OP posts:
Expressedways · 22/06/2019 19:19

Oh now I understand. That’s really tricky! Can you text your DD to clarify what the deal is with the extra item?

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:24

Funnily enough I have just done that and she has acted confused!

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/06/2019 19:26

A fairly new friend.

OP posts:
Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 23/06/2019 04:26

I think it would be bad of you to remove of without saying anything. It shows a lack of respect to your daughter to sneakily remove it - just be honest with her. Or you mind end up really embarrassing her.