Constantly talking about salary

[Ritaritas]

A few of my friends recently kept talking about their salaries (specifying figures) at out last get together. This was contextual but I thought bragging? I actually earn more but would never say this or even hint what j earned as I think it’s really distasteful. I know one girl who earnt less than the rest looked quite put out.

Posted too soon. Is it ok to change the subject in circs like this? Anyone else feel similar

I think it depends on the circumstances, sometimes it can be insensitive.

However, in general I think women should talk about salaries/money more often.

Depends on circs but I agree that women need to discuss salaries/ money more - in an encouraging manner.

Having said that i’m A high earner and certainly wouldn’t bang in about it in front of friends who I know are earning more modest amounts ( teachers etc)

A few years ago, we all had a little chat at work and found disparities in our salaries that led to an entrenched feeling of resentment and a general feeling of why should I work harder when she gets more than me, am I really only worth 7p more than someone untrained and walking in off the street etc...

So I would always change the subject now.

Yes I think context is important, on the one hand it’s not nice to boast about how much you earn particularly if the people you’re talking to are on quite low incomes, but also there is a lot of secrecy with how much women earn and it might be that transparent conversations allow you to understand if you are underpaid/can ask for more.

It does depend on the circumstances. Generally speaking I don't think anyone should talk about money, salaries, possessions but maybe this particular group of women know eachother well and were just chewing things over which they considered to be relevant. It does happen like that sometimes.

I think it totally depends on the friendship group. Me and my partner have a really close knit friendship group and have had conversations in the past about salaries. But we all do very different jobs (for example my OH is a lorry driver, one of our friends is a sales manager, one friend is a teaching assistant, one a paramedic, etc). So the salaries are so varied and jobs are also varied and so different. No one gets jealous or anything like that. The salary part of the convo always comes up when we are discussing how much things cost to do around the house! Lol.

I wouldn't want to discuss my salary with people I don't really know well. But I wouldn't shy away from it in my close friendship group. We know A LOT about each other! Lol. X

I earn what I earn, talking about it to a male colleague and found out although he’d been doing the job longer - he was on less money. It worthwhile wages being discussed even in different sectors

I think its a good thing to discuss from a social mobility/feminism/working mum perspective too.

I (and most of my school friends) have degrees and are from the South - but of the ones that have DC - teachers are amongst the highest earners.

I have never told my salary to anyone, apart from dh who I've maybe mentioned it to in the past, would tell if he asked and probably knows the ballpark as he can see the monthly joint account deposits.

Noone else knows and it is noone else's business. If friends want to share that information with each other that's their decision, I'll just say mine is average for the job I do, it could be more but I'm happy with it and the work/life balance and flexibility I have. Most of my friends are in lower paid retail/childcare/carer/basic admin type roles and their partners mostly semi skilled in a low wage area of the coutry, telling them I am on what they would see as a huge (it isn't!) salary would be very awkward.

talking about salaries in that way would make me feel uncomfortable too.

Talking in general, eg - a typical salary in my industry is X is ok, but if it's 'i earn X per year and take home X per month', no, I would hate that.

I generally don't like taking about salaries.

I am the highest paid in my friendship group (all similar very low income parents growing up and living hand to mouth). The last time we were discussing jobs etc one asked me what my salary was and they were all incredulous and it made me feel massively uncomfortable. And were not talking mega bucks here, just an average managers salary.

It's amazing how people feel OK talking a out very intimate details about their health or sex life but when it comes to money, that's oh so taboo. I wouldn't go mentioning my income but of my friends asked me or the conversation led to it, I would think nothing of it. If some earn more, good for them, if some less, that's life. Income alone means so little anyway, some of my friends have a better lifestyle than others who probably earn more.

It can cause a lot of hassle - why does x earn more than me, am I only worth y more...we employ quite a few staff in a fairly low paid industry and because they're part time a 10-20% difference between grades (pretty standard) doesn't amount to a huge amount of extra money per week especially since the extra is often hitting over tax threshold.

My experience is that the current teens and early twenties seem to be quite open about it

I think it depends on the circumstances. In a friendship group where people do different jobs/different industries, it probably has more chance of causing upset and ill feeling. However, I think on the whole salaries should be discussed much more openly within work places. Yes, it may cause resentment if you find out you are only earning 7p more an hour than someone untrained. But I would rather know and use that resentment to change the situation or take my skills elsewhere where they will be appreciated/paid for.

Swingofthings... I would hate to discuss salary with my friends. I work in (what I consider to be) a pretty highly paid industry.

I am quite senior and earn upwards of £100k (which I can say here because I'm anonymous on Mumsnet).

In my close friendship group, I have a Sister in a hospital, a care worker for adults, a hairdresser, a police sergeant, a barrister and an sahm with a significantly disabled child.

I just don't see what good would come of it (but interested to hear what you think).

We had a group talk at work recently about current corporate structure & line management; next to everyone's name in the structure diagram was their pay grade. I find this weird but seems normal in this industry. We also get "But a band 7 shouldn't be emptying the dishwasher!" type comments.

that led to an entrenched feeling of resentment and a general feeling of why should I work harder when she gets more than me, am I really only worth 7p more than someone untrained and walking in off the street etc...*

Which is exactly why people (women especially) should have these conversations. Bosses get away with paying people less because they don’t talk about it.

It’s such an outdated view that it’s crass to talk about money. If people were more open and educated about finance, a whole lot of issues would be closer to being resolved.

It is crass though.

I am friends with people in my industry in which case I would I welcome the conversations

But within my friendship circle there are people who work in the public sector, marketing, advertising. I am shortly due to start on a 50k salary (again can say because this is anonymous), we’re all mid 20s and they’re on about 20k less. I find it really hard to swallow when I know one member of the group is on a lot less and the others, who have received promotions, are selfishly discussing it

In a work context I think there are times when it's appropriate. In a friendship circle it's less appropriate. I could probably guess with a little accuracy what my friends earn, but wouldn't ever raise the subject because it's not really my business, nor is it my focus.

DH find talking about money really uncomfortable and never talks about it, even with the DC. I'm more open, but I'd hope not in a showy way.