Socialising as a couple

[Stripyseagulls]

I have lots of friends and a good social life but I don’t socialise as a couple with my DP as he is the total opposite to me & very anti social! I do feel sad about this as would also like a bit of a joint social life.

In most ways, I am pretty happy with life as I basically do what I want & DP is happy to stay home with the kids. But sometimes I see people out as groups of couples & I feel a bit sad as we don’t have that - aibu?

It feels a bit like we are so incompatible sometimes & he’s definitely got worse with age!

If it matters to you then you're not unreasonable. Why doesn't he ever go out with you? Does he have friends he goes out with?

Can you find one activity that your dp enjoys - perhaps bowling or Tree Runners.
Some people are socially anxious, but giving him something to do that will break the ice and fill awkward gaps in conversation might help.

@Shoxfordian he occasionally goes out with a few mates but really, he’s totally unsociable. We could not be more opposite really- he hates small talk & doesn’t find conversation easy. It’s not something that remotely bothers him though

How long have you been together? It seems like you've accepted this until now, its unlikely to change so is it a dealbreaker?

@shox a really long time but it’s got worse as he’s got older. We used to do much more together but he just doesn’t want to do anything social anymore

TBH I’m like like your DH. I’m introvert and have a small group of close friends but hate interacting with larger groups and couples. It used to bother me but as I’ve got older I accept I am who I am and refuse to put myself through the stress and anxiety involved with larger gatherings. My DH is a social butterfly and would love us to go out socially with his friends and their partners but it’s not going to happen.

We don't socialise with other couples. My husband's a bit anti-social and likes being a home-bird and I'm away for most of the week, every week, so not really interested in going out with other couples as I've been schmoozing all week.

I can't see the appeal of couples-socialising myself. If you're part of a couple and you do stuff alone that you want to do, wouldn't that be enough?

No judgement from me, just a lack of understanding. Clearly you're unhappy about it, Stripey, what does your husband say when you tell him that?

My DH is like that. Will occasionally socialise with groups but given the choice he would rather stay home with DC and glass of wine. Doesn't bother me in the slightest and doesn't stop me going out. If anything no need for babysitters

My dh doesn't socialise either. Not in couples or on his own. We occasionally have been out with my friends and all our kids as days out but he just doesn't enjoy it. He is very sociable at work and the centre of attention there so I think he enjoys being at home and relaxing and not having to make inane conversation. Not that it is inane but that's how he sees it. He doesn't have friends outside of work who he meets up with but does regularly call people to chat with. I have to admit I'm getting more and more less likely to want to go out and spend time with other people when we are more happy in each others company. I wouldn't fight him on this, it's just how he is.

It’s a bit unclear as to if it’s the couples aspect or the fact he does nothing at all sociable out of the house with even just you as a two.

My sisters DH would not socialise at all, would avoid even going out to dinner with just her if he could,, so she built a social life of sorts without him. She was widowed a couple of years ago and now has a BF who is extremely sociable and she is a changed woman, very much happier as they do things together and sometime with others all the time.

I personally love some down time alone and understand the need but if he won’t do a single thing then I understand why it’s bothering you.

I make an effort for my DH because he's told me it's important to him. He likes going to dinners and things with me. I would go nowhere if I could get away with it but it would be selfish of me to do that.

Plus I do sometimes actually have a good time.

Your DH should make an effort.