What to do?

[sl07]

I am nearly 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby. For the last month's I've really struggled with energy levels, eating habits etc. I am just starting to get my energy back.

Last Friday I asked my boyfriend if we could have a night in after we both finish work as we both had a really stressful week. I was waiting for him at home, had dinner prepared and then he called me and said he was going out with his mate. Obviously I was upset.

Now fast forward to this Friday, I asked the same thing, for a night in. We went to bed at 11ish and he said that he's going down stairs as he can't sleep. I wake up half an hour later and his mate is round, both are drinking beer and being really loud.

Knowing my situation, I am so angry and annoyed with him. I called him a c**t on text and he literally ran up the stairs and shouted and grabbed hold of my neck.

I am so upset by this but I'm hoping by him aggressively grabbing my neck, it hasn't done any damage to my baby.

I don't know what to do

You need to leave him

You live together?

Hi OP. you need to leave as soon as possible. Do you have any friends or family you can stay with? If not, call Women's Aid.

In domestic abuse situations, putting hands on your neck is considered to be extremely serious. You also need to consider calling the police and reporting what he has done.

Has he been physically or emotionally abusive to you before this?

Even without the violence, his behaviour wasn't great. I can understand why you were upset that he had invited his friend over. Ok, you called him a bad name, but this is no excuse at all for what he has done to you.

In terms of harm to the baby, the stress that you're feeling won't help things, but once someone has raised their hands to you, no matter the circumstances, it's incredibly unlikely to be the only time they'll do this. Please don't bring your baby into an abusive home life.

Take care of yourself, OP.

Yes please get yourself out of there asap. Even violence aside he sounds like a selfish and inconsiderate partner. But most importantly, physical violence almost always escalates over time. You need to protect yourself and your precious baby.

Yeah, you need to leave. I know it's not that easy, but you really shouldn't bring a baby into this relationship. Also :
-don't give the baby his surname
-don't put him on the birth certificate
-exclusively breastfeed if you can, it's the best excuse to not have contact without you there in the early days
-report this incident to the police now
-tell your midwife what happened

You need to leave.

This is not a safe environment for you or your baby.

Please dont allow an innocent baby to be brought up among that behavior :S

Do you have somewhere else you can stay?

You must get yourself to a place of safety. Do you have family you can stay with? Make sure the incident is reported by talking to the police and your midwife. Womens aid are a great resource. All the advice here is a good regarding feeding, surnames and birth certificate. Please remember that violence tends to escalate and he has really crossed a boundary. There is a higher statistical likelihood that he will kill you now he has grabbed your neck. He clearly doesn't care about looking after you or baby. You should be somewhere safe surrounded by love and support rather than violence.

Yep im with the others here. Please leave him op. Your baby doesnt need this enviroment

Leave him do what Regan says

You need to leave him. That is not a normal way to respond and there is no excuse.

I'm so sorry he assaulted you. He will do it again. They always do.

I understand you're worried about the baby, but I'm worried about you.

Abuse (coercive control) that may have gone unnoticed before pregnancy often escalates once pregnant because the man thinks you're trapped and unable to leave no matter how bad he is.

You're not trapped. There are people who will help you. You can absolutely manage without him. Your life can be great without him, even though I know that isn't what you wanted for yourself. But this changes things.

It might feel like it but this is not the end of your future, only the end of your dreams with this man. You can be happy on the other side of this.

This is domestic violence and the police take it seriously. I know you may be scared to call them but they would want the opportunity to protect you and help you. If you are ever in immediate danger like that again you can call 999, it's what they are there for. You can also call 101 now.

Women's Aid can help you make safe plans either to leave, to get him to leave, or to keep yourself safe while you make arrangements. They can offer support too. 0808 2000 247

Freedom Programme can help you understand his behaviour, why he's doing this, how it's affecting you, and why you can't change him. They can show you how life would be once you are free of his control and the fear of violence you will always have now. It's confidential and you don't have to talk about your life, you can just listen to the info they have for you. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I know you probably don't want to leave, nobody really wants that when they're in this situation, but unfortunately sometimes we have to go through the difficult, scary thing to get ourselves to safer, happier times.

Acknowledging within yourself that you need to work towards leaving doesn't mean you have to march out the front door right this second unless you're in danger, it just means you start mentally and practically preparing.

In a healthy relationship you would be respected, listened to, supported, nurtured and would never have been threatened with let alone subjected to violence.

If you stay, he will use the threat of violence - because now you know he'll do it - to control you and make your life progressively harder, lonelier and more miserable.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Please stay safe. Don't tell him you want to leave because he may become violent again to stop you. Keep you cards to your chest and call for help straight away if you need it.

And for the avoidance of doubt, there is absolutely nothing you could have done that would have justified what he did to you. Nothing.

You are not to blame. He is.

You need to leave him. You are at risk of escalating violence from him.