I know this shouldn't be post hear but i need help.

[Emptyspacex]

I have severe health anxiety. It's literally controlling everything I do. Every single pain or twinge in my body I automatically think cancer/heart attack/stroke.
I obsess over everything I see/hear/feel. I am constantly on the general health and life limiting illnesses section of mumsnet.
I'm sat here now feeling so sick after reading so many heart breaking stories.
I cant help myself I keep reading and reading. I'm obsessed with death but not in a good way. The fear and dread that comes over me when I think about it is unimaginable. I'm lying here in bed petrified.
I'm on the waiting list for counselling and I'm taking both propranolol and anti depressants but its just not enough my mind is on over ride all the time and I feel so ill.

Fyi this all started when I had a blood clot on my brain 9 months ago which hemorrhaged and causes a number of strokes. Apart from a few little things I have made a full recovery but im constantly on edge that something similar will happen again. I dont want to spend my life like this worrying about what could happen. Then if something does happen I would be so upset I've wasted so much time like this. I feel like my organs are ticking time bombs waiting to go off.
I dont even know the point of this thread. I just need help.

Sepsis is another one im obsessed with any sort of scratch or cut or even just a rash I'll smother in sudocream. This is ruining my life.

Sorry you're having a hard time. Have you had or thought about having any therapy for it?

I'm a bit like that too (our fair share of cancer and health scares in our family). My DH said at one point 'it's not if, it's when'. As in we're all going to die of something at some point so enjoy what you have while you can and don't panic till you need to.

Bleak but I found it strangely comforting. I still agitate for him to see the doctor every time something is mildly wrong though!

I would also say try and put your phone down and do something constructive that isn't reading critical illness sites. They can't be helping!

U need medical help. Go back to GP, explain severity. Med's May need reviewed and/or increased as well as counselling.
If they don't refer you for urgent counselling then research into private counselling

Are you on an iPhone OP? There's a screen time function and you could limit the amount of time you look at certain sites (a partner, relative or friend could set the passcode). Alternatively/additionally, I think there are ways to block sites. It might be worth thinking about if it's the internet which is fuelling this.

Sorry I missed where you said you were on waiting list for counseling.

You need to stay away from those boards. They are just fuelling your anxiety.
Is there anything that helps distract you like music? Otherwise there are quite a few free relaxation videos on the Internet. Would listening to one of them help.

I'm on a waiting list for therapy. I need to chase it up and tell them I have gotten worse.
It's just ridiculous I even get scared every time i sneeze in case i have another brain hemorrhage.
I also think i had OCD I have to get up several times in the night to check all the doors are locked. I can do this up to 10 times between 10pm and 7am.
Thankyou for your advice although it is good advice nothing ever seems to click with me and get through to me.
I can be easily distracted when with other people thought. But I dont have any friends so only my partner and my mum to support me. I just feel so sorry for my poor mind, it never gets a break.

Op my husband has just been through a health scare and has been feeling the way you do. He spoke to his gp and has had support and is fine now, as long as he doesn't look at health related stuff
Please talk to someone about how you are feeling and get some support, it will be ok xx

You wonder you are left totally shaken by your experience! Left in need of those meds, and i am so sorry you had a bleed and clots. It must have been very scarey indeed.

So, its no surprise that you feel this way, only 9 months down the line.

I assume you received medication and advice at the time? I would take all advice and be sure that i did all i could to be very fit and healthy, eating well, spending time walking sensibly to get exercise and stress relief, along with whatever else advice i was given.

Take care of yourself OP! Make your life as long and happy as possible.

Ah, Op, that sounds awful. It sounds to me like you are suffering from trauma, following the haemorrhage. It’s completely understandable that it would have affected you in this way, but of course totally miserable for you. You may now have a sense of vulnerability that you didn’t previously have, which is a very uncomfortable feeling.

It’s good that you are on the list for counselling. Do you engage in any self-help measures in the meantime? A pp’s suggestion to limit your time on the internet would help. So would making sure you engage the relaxation response every day, eg with meditation or hypnosis. Any distraction is also good, particularly things that reconnect you with joyous experiences, as we can’t be in a state of anxiety and love at the same time.

What do you like to do that gives you pleasure/joy and immerses you in the experience so that you can forget your worries?

This was the right place to post

I have had periods of really severe health anxiety. It's awful. Terrifying and overwhelming, every time you get a new "symptom" you're convinced it's different this time, it's real, you're going to die, and at the same time part of you is so angry with yourself because part of you knows it's health anxiety.

What helped me was going to my GP with a few notes I'd made for myself and being really honest about what I was going through (in my case the health anxiety, and depression, and panic attacks and nightmares). I take medication now that helps enormously, it's not perfect but it's radically better and I don't experience side effects. Counselling also helps, or CBT which I haven't been able to access yet but which I've heard great things about for this sort of problem.

In the meantime, distract yourself - make a cup of tea, scented candle warm bath, phone someone for a chat, stroke a pet, whatever works for you. Practise deep breathing exercises and visualising which you can use when you feel overwhelmed or unable to sleep.

The limited screen time sounds like a good idea. It always starts with Facebook.. I was just scrolling through and saw a this morning video (these are usually funny with holly and phil) but this one was about a women with a brain tumour. Then boom it starts, next thing I know im looking up brain tumours. I had an obsession with aortic aneurysms a few weeks ago as i saw the name of it on a mumsnet thread. I feel like every other sentence is such and such died or someone has a serious illness. I cannot escape it. A mum I see on the school run has started wearing a wig and a patch on her arm and now I'm desperate to know what's wrong with her. Not in a horrible way i really hope it nothing serious just something in my mind needs to know. I sound mental I know.

I also think this is pretty common when you have suffered a brain trauma.

Its the same as experiencing violent trauma as the brain perceives it the same way, and the result can often be some very extreme anxiety for a while after.

Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal and be patient with yourself.

It will get better as you brain heals and you recover. Small steps, you'll get there

Thankyou all for your advice. It just seems never ending. Because I'm taking anti depressants already on a high dose and I'm still like this i feel like no one can help me. I really want to do counselling just need to push the appointment.
I have also being told I have a clotting disorder so have higher chances of this happening again.
I have a dog who hasnt left my side in the past few weeks hes a two year old golden retriever hes really helped me through this.
I just so wish i could be one of those people that so oh well that's life you die who cares.

You poor love, I don't have much advice but I would agree with what @Smotheroffive has said. With a brain injury you need time; maybe the anti-depressants you are on are not suitable. There is no point in taking a drug 'on a high dose' if it is not helping at all, get that reviewed or get off it. You need to find some peace somewhere, someone to say all of this to in real life.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this,

Years ago, just after I split up with my partner, I started for a while, having hyperventilating related panic attacks-and I read 'self-help for your nerves and more self help and essential self- help for your nerves , by Dr. Claire Weekes - I found them really helpful. I remember buying them from smiths, (I think I also got them out from the library first), but that was a while ago-I just looked you can get them on amazon.

She has a really nice style of writing- I found them really helpful.They dealt with a few things like, anxiety and panic attacks, also about people worrying about health problems ,they are done in a nice practical kind of way

I just so wish i could be one of those people that so oh well that's life you die who cares.

Yes, i absolutely agree. We would all manager so much better perhaps if we didnt worry about our own mortality. Fact is we do. Our survival instincts are extremely strong, and threats to that brings significant and powerful feelings and thoughts.

Even more understandable as you have a very real ongoing health concern.

Have you tried speaking to samaritans? There will also be, i feel, brain trauma support for sufferers.
This is a very good one for getting help with understanding and support headway

Keep posting on here too as there will be others experiencing the same, and you don't have to 'be brave' or have unrealistic expectations of how this is or ismt supposed to affect you.

Thanks for all your replies everyone. I finally got to sleep at 3am last night. Up at 8 with the kids which is a pretty good lie in for us. Went out today with partner and baby whilst eldest went to his dads. I've been fine today haven't thought about it all that much. I'm absolutely fine on the weekends apart from a bit of overthibjing. It's the weekdays when my partner is at work and so am I in the evenings that I struggle with. 5 days out of 7 being an anxious mess.
I have spoken to Samaritans before. Spoke to a lovely elderly lady she was very sweet and easy to talk to. If i had a Samaritan with me all the time I'd be okay. And a go for that matter. I'm at the doctors every week for different things that pop up. I've had so many scan this past year surely that can't be good.

worrying about your own mortality and having fearful health concerns is one of the symptoms of chronic depression. Every morning when you get up, the minute a negative thought slips in, look at your own face in a mirror and say NO. And think of something positive that can be done during this one day that you will aim for. There is so much light to be seen in life, if you just tell yourself NO, NO, NO when the negative thought pattern comes through. I wish you the best.

I did the same thing after my big health issue. And I’ve never ever been one for health anxiety, quite the opposite. I was obsessed with everytwinge. It did die down though and I’d say I’m 95% back to normal now :) took me a year though

There was a great line in sherlock "don't worry, because if you worry and then it happens you have suffered twice"

So sorry op that you have had such a horrible time since being ill, it is totally understandable that you have had such anxiety since. On the other hand it is also good that you see that you don't want to live your life wasting your time with this.anxiety so it is great that you are seeking help as whilst unlucky to have suffered with the illness you have you are so lucky that you are healing now. I am sure that there will be lots of help here for you, best of luck x