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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call off breaking the DC news

5 replies

SidSparrow · 21/06/2019 21:11

So I planned a family lunch tomorrow to tell my Dad and wife the news that there is a 2nd grandchild on the way. I messaged my Dad 3 times this afternoon and tried cslling him. Once for a phone number, 2nd to say thanks for no. and see yous tomorrow (DH also got it touch for number - it was urgent, my Dad messaged him back but not me) then a 3rd to check that we were still on for tomorrow. I know he seen the messages (whatsapp), I also know he was in the pub and most likely alone (this is normal for him) but no response from him whatsoever. I feel ignored. Background is he can be moody, angry, grumpy, negative - we have a strange relationship, I'm rarely myself (he's very judgemental of others so I don't give him much to judge) but in some ways he is there for me, i.e. money, babysitting. When he ignores me I find it intolerable. Like I have done something wrong and I don't know what. It also makes me pine for my grandparents (both brought me up, both are long dead, neither would have ever ignored me). So now I don't want to meet for lunch and I don't want to tell them my happy news. I don't know if I'm being ridiculous or not. I just feel like hiding. I can't do much because he's so defensive that I wouldn't dare tell him how he made me feel. I just have to constantly dance to his tune. Sad

OP posts:
blaaake · 21/06/2019 21:12

YANBU. Do you really want this man's negative presence in your children's lives?

Beesandcheese · 21/06/2019 21:31

Whilst it is unreasonable to expect constant or instantaneous communication he doesn't really sound worth the effort or agony anyway. Stop trying to impress him. Life is too short. Be you, get on with your life.

tobedtoMNandfart · 21/06/2019 21:41

If it's normal for him to be in the pub during the day are you not concerned about his ability to safely babysit? Or am I joining too many dots here...

FWIW it's worth removing people from your life who make you feel shit about yourself.

SidSparrow · 21/06/2019 21:58

Thanks @blaaake - It bothers me a lot. He dotes on DC1 but as she gets older his negativity (and biggotry) will be picked up on. It's tricky, because he's not a bad man and he has a lot of goodness, he's just prickly. Will I end up saying 'oh that's just grandad, just ignore him!'. Ugghhh! And beesandcheese you're right, 'be you'. I should be, I guess I just feel bad cause I'm his only daughter and he has no siblings - we're a really small family. I'm hoping as my family grows and life gets busier that this will take less of my energy. But thank you, I should stop trying to impress and be me.

@tobedtoMNandfart He likes a good drink but he is also very responsible and reliable so would never drink and babysit. And ya know, this is terrible, but I do agree with you. I would advise myself the same thing, but I couldn't live with myself if I did that for reasons mentioned above.

Thanks for all your advice. I will try not to let him get to me... resilliance!!! Thanks folks.

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 21/06/2019 22:03

👍😊

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