Advice on how to clear the air....

[KittyVonCatsworth]

......When you're not actually sure if you've done something wrong or if there's nothing wrong at all and it's the nature of the beast.....

I go to a gym class about 5 times a week. I'm still very new to it all, about 9 weeks or so, and the activities change with every session so progress to mastering a particular move is slow progress.

All of the coaches have been amazing, really helpful in breaking things down for me and being patient. Apart from one. He's renowned for being a bit grumpy but seems engaged and cheery with a lot of people when he's "coaching".

Tonight we were practising something I'd never done before and if I'd done it wrong, it could've caused me serious injury. I said to him I'd never done this and he growled at me to practice anyway. It wasn't my turn to go so we we're supporting the others in the team. Another girl also told him that she'd never done it before and he started giving her advice on how to build up to it, don't even try practicing it because you could really injure yourself etc. I just stood there, dumbstruck and almost just walked out but sheer stubbornness wouldn't let me show him how disappointed I was.

This hasn't been the only time he's been off with me but mostly it's just not being helpful or forthcoming with information or being offhand, which I can shrug off but tonight has got me a little angry that he expected me to do something that could potentially hurt me.

I was going to pull him aside afterwards and ask him if there was something I'd done to annoy or upset him but I didn't want it to be an emotional response and tbh, it might also be frustration at myself for not being able to do something. I'm just not happy with his coaching style, he's skilled in the activity but he's a teller rather than a guider; his surly personality is what it is so I have to suck it up but I really enjoy these classes and I just come out of the ones with him really deflated and demotivated.

Would you say something, and if so, how do you approach it? If you would at all. I can't just avoid him as we don't know who's coaching until we turn up.

Yes. Why on earth didn't you question his inconsistency straight away?!

A combination of not wanting to disrupt the class, not wanting to create a scene and a little bit of uncertainty on whether I was being overly sensitive. I don't want to cause ill feeling and calling him out there and then in front of others would go either 1 of 2 ways; he backs off with the crappy attitude or he starts being a bigger problem. Believe me, I've had many imaginary conversations in my head all night 😂

I donn't think you need to clear the air so much as hold your head up high when you go back.

Just call him out next time he does this. You’re paying him to coach you.

Yup, call him out. I’d have interrupted him telling the other woman she could have hurt herself, I mean wtf, he didn’t even tell you, just said get on with it?!

I think you were right to wait initially, speaking individually to him is more likely to lead to a positive change than challenging him in front of others. He gets one chance to behave well with this approach, then it's a management complaint if he doesn't.

When someone's grumpy it's useful to use small child tactics of simple, open and non-accusatory. E.g. "In Friday's class you told me to practice X, but told Y to build up to it slowly because it would be dangerous to just try it immediately. Given that we were both new to this manoeuvre I've been wondering why you gave us different advice?"

If he's that much of a dick i wouldnt go back to him - he should look after you as priority! Let the gym knkw why though.

I agree with bluejarvis if you are paying for this service then stop giving him headspace. Drop all the imaginery conversations and book sessions with the instructors who are more inspiring and helpful. But let the gym know you found his 'advice' inconsistent and that you prefer the more personable trainers.