To have not found my tribe

[ComeAlive]

I am starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me, since having children I really struggle to make friends. I have two children, one about to start school and the other 6 months. I had really hoped that I’d make friends via first child’s nursery which started 2 years ago but aside from pleasantries with the other mums nothing has developed. I’ve met a couple of other mums via the village I live in but they seem luke warm when I’ve suggested meet ups. They’ve both bailed out on meet ups prearranged on at least two occasions so clearly not that into developing anything. Before children I had a lot of work acquaintances and friends as well as friends from school and uni who I see from time to time which is great but it’s not the same. Have attended lots of baby groups etc to get myself out there but nothing is developing. It’s starting to affect my self esteem and I’m really questioning myself which isn’t great. Anyone been in this position and come out the other side positively? Im a chatty person by nature but can’t seem to meet others who I have something in common with (other than the fact we have children the same age) or who are reliable about meet ups. Other friends say that they’ve met friends when their children start school so I’m hoping that will be the case with me. Anyone with a similar experience that can give me some pointers and hope. Being a SAHP can be a lonely gig some days.

It sucks. I now have various anxiety related problems from a good few years of it now

I was tribeless at my dc's last school till I joined the PTA and met loads of parents clicked with a couple and even though we've moved keep in good contact with them. However new school feel parents have their friendship groups and I've joined to late.
My biggest advice would be get involved with the school in any way you can. Do they have social fundraisers for parents? If your DC has settling in days is their anyone you could swap numbers with meet up with over the holidays be good for both of you.

Thanks, yes there are induction days so i will bear that in mind. I also plan to get involved with the PTA so hopefully will meet some like minded mums. Just have to remember to not come across as desperate and instead be myself. It can be hard though when you’re hoping for friendship and the other person just wants small talk.

So glad you have found some comfort here ComeAlive (and of course you are not weird!). I think flipsyflops made some really good points that sometimes it is just the way the mop flops, you can't explain it and you can find kindred spirits in unexpected places. Like flipsyflops I moved house and suddenly there is no one around who seems to want to say 'good morning', never mind be a friend, hey ho!

My 53 yr old philosophical view is that there is not a lot you can do to force things, follow your interests, be yourself, be kind to people (and yourself!).

Thankyou Shadypines, great advice there which I shall be following.

I do sometimes think just embrace it and accept it and enjoy your own company. I only really start to feel lonely when I see or hear other people discussing things about friendships etc.

MeetUp app. Download it to your phone.

Thanks to this, since last September I've met a group of people and they're definitely my tribe. Doesn't stop me from self sabotaging by not turning up to meets, but we all chat on what's app and it's made a huge difference

I always had a good group of friends but for various reasons everyone scattered, and none of my old friends had DC so when I moved and had DC I found myself looking for my new tribe in my new area.
My NCT group was lovely at first but quickly turned bitchy and cliquey. Joined a couple of committees but one was cliquey and the other no one seemed up for being friends. Didn't click with pre-school or school Mums - I joined nights out but felt I didn't fit. I felt disappointed and missed having close friends. People would take up invites from me to go out, or come round but never reciprocate. I found I was morning to DH all the time about why no one wanted to be friends.
DC are 11 and 12 now and it's quite different. I have a few good friends now - one I met at gym, one I worked with, one I met through a sport I do and another is an old friend who I've reconnected with after many years. I see them all regularly.
Don't give up hope. It'll happen but might take a while. It's all so random who you click with! Sometimes ones that start slow develop.

Nicely put. I've always been in and out of friendships... Most women are bitches tbh i try and be a good friend but its usually gets thrown back in my face... I dont have much hope for when my 3 month old grows up and makes friends.