People only visit babies to take selfies ?!

[dontfollowmeimlosttoo]

Well just that really .. since becoming a mum Iv noticed visitors ( including grandparents ) drop by n take selfies and that's pretty much it .
I always thought my own mum would offer to run the hoover round or tidy up abit but instead she carries on as normal going out for the day at the weekend n then slots in a little visit to see her grandson which is just a quick hour of cuddles n selfies ..

I really expected a little help
I'm on my own all day while partner at work .. baby is breastfed .. feeds a lot .. it's hard to do things in house I do somehow manage it but never feel is particularly tidy or nice environment to be in .

In laws don't help .. same as mum just wanna pop round for a cheeky 1 hour . Anyone else's family the same ?

@Pinkmouse6 yes my MIL is the same . It's a joke tbh .. I watch her trying to make him smile with toys or whatever trying to get the perfect pic to put on Facebook. Just had conversation with my mum about visiting tomorrow so she wants to go for lunch first and then come at about half 2.. baby will be napping then.

I would never expect my mum or mil to clean my house. I just did it myself and when I was struggling, I hired a cleaner to come once a week.

I'm amazed. A parent with a new born doesn't have to be 'struggling to cope' to potentially find a hand with house stuff helpful and a bit of a break. My mum did about a day's housework a week for us for about six months and every time I thanked her she just said 'my mum did it for me'. I'll have to be careful.as I only have a ds so any future gc might have a mother who thinks this is weird I guess. Bizarre.

@MrsGrannyWeatherwax thank you for the advice . My other half does so much for me including he things you suggested so there's no concerns there . I just thought their grandparents would do more than they do .. probably because when I first had baby they made a real exhort and even stayed over and helped but now they have to squeeze baby in for a visit after their other plans . Oh well !

I can't believe half of these replies! There's a difference between 'expecting other people to do your housework' and just thinking that it would be nice for your close family members to help out when you've just had a baby! I'm lucky that both my mum and MIL were great. I know that before I had kids I probably could have been more considerate and helpful when visiting friends with new babies though! So maybe they've forgotten how much hard work it can be. Could you ask for help in a casual way - like "I don't suppose you'd mind doing that washing up whilst I feed the baby would you, it would be a huge help?"

Yes I had asked MiL not to post on social media but still does

@TemporaryPermanent thank you for your understanding . Yes that's the point I was trying to make .. I'm not struggling ... my house is fine but it would be very welcomed to have that little help. We manage you know.. but it would be nice

I was struggling so had to force myself to ask for help (husband works away) but once he was back, the help did disappear a bit. Perhaps they think you’re managing like a ninja and don’t need any help - just refuse any visits unless they complete one useful task (completely lighthearted!!!)

I'm sorry you're not getting more help from your family but I don't think your one experience means this is the same for everyone. I visited a relative yesterday with a 1 month old and took no pics at all. So Yabu

Hi OP

I can awe where you're coming from although you might have been a bit unreasonable expecting help/ that doesnt mean it's a bit upsetting if people see you're struggling and dont help

My mum would do our washing, gardening, empty dishwasher, bring meals and cook them for all of us, clear up, take the baby a walk while I napped, even offered to help out in the night which I declined as a step too far. But I did really struggle at the newborn stage, didn't cope with it at all, and that probably showed. Maybe you think you're finding it easy? Whatever the situation they shouldn't be causing you more work though

The best part of being a grandparent is you get to enjoy all the good bits. Your updates make you sound like you think you're missing out on the part where parents take over chores and physically help, you're really not. DM is a wonderful GM but wouldn't have dreamed of visiting to do my housework. DH was there to lighten the load, not visitors.

Jees i have opposite problem with sil. Never done asking do i need her to do anything. Every. Time.
Im dreading coming home with my twins in few weeks. Shes proper ocd about cleaning. I wouldnt mind if it was a case of clearing away dishes or throwing a wash on or run hoover round but she will be looking to deep clean whole house and re arrange my cupboards. Every time shes in. I find it really fucking intrusive.

@Teddybear45 lol

Surely when close friends and family have babies you visit, take lovely gifts and ask "what can I do to help?" while you're there? It's not an illness but you know that new Mothers are probably just tired and in need of a shower/ten minutes to drink a cuppa in peace?

My Mum is a bit airy-fairy but was endlessly clearing up and doing chores when the DC were tiny. It's what you do when people have babies; it's how you show you care.

I would never expect or ask mum or mil to help like that (or indeed their partners). Can't you just enjoy their company?