Watching porn while children in his care?

[Onwardsgirl]

My ds told me he had seen dh watching naked ladies. I didn't confront dh immediately. I asked my dd and she said she had seen it too. 12&9. There has been a previous history of porn downloaded on the family computer (4-5 occasions). He has denied it happened to the extent I have had to take screen shoots to make sure I wasn't going mad and imagining it. dc have also said when I was out of the house they are not allowed to walk into the room with the computer when DH there, they have to knock on the door. They have told me there's a tablet that is dh tablet and not to be touched. This happened while he was meant to be caring for them and I was working or out. He didn't work at the time because he said he couldn't find a job as he had to pick up kids from school and after school care was dismissed when I suggested it. I have left dh taking dc's as there were many other things too , but he keeps saying "It didn't happen" "They didn't see it" "Its not a problem" "It just goes in phases". AIBU in finding this unacceptable behaviour when caring for your DC's. He is making me doubt myself.

This is worrying. It is more than unacceptable, its illegal to expose children to pornography.

YANBU
it's abuse and you need to safeguard your children

I agree this is really troubling.

I don’t like porn at all - but I recognise lots of (mainly men) watch it. It is inexcusable that both his children have witness him with it. You watch porn to get aroused. That is not something that should happen around children.

Good grief. From the title I thought you were going to say it happened as a one off when your DC was napping in the other room or something, but this sounds like a full fledged addiction.

Sounds like he's spending most of his time watching porn? That's very worrying on it's own, but factoring in that he's looking after the DC whilst he's doing it... It doesn't sound safe at all. Not only is it depressing that he's missing out on all that time with them but as a PP has said it's illegal for them to see him doing it. It would be very damaging.

I think you need to tell him to stop and see a therapist. And also I'd be tempted to have a look at his "special" tablet and computer and double check that what he's watching is at least legal.

Thank you, I was told I was making a fuss about nothing and it wasn't a problem, you just begin to believe you are making a fuss about nothing. Its she-male and tranvestite porn. Not illegal, but not mainstream. I have left, I also have all the debts in my name, dd won't see him because of how he treated ds (hitting, grabbing by neck and throwing into furniture) again he just said he didnt do it,wasnt that bad, I was making it up. I actually believed it for a while. Made such a song and dance of being the perfect dad. Even said he never raised his voice against dc.

He sounds utterly vile.

YANBU. I don't have a problem with porn but no way when you're caring for kids. That's really worrying. It would be one thing if the kids were in bed asleep but it sounds like they were awake and just in the next room. Why on earth would he even think to be looking at porn then and why wouldn't he be able to stop himself?

You're failing your children if you don't protect them from this. It is a safeguarding issue, it is illegal, it is abuse. You know this is happening, deal with it. .

You are very lucky that your children did not disclose any of this to a teacher in their schools
When did this happen?

@myopinionisvalid yes I did protect them, as soon as I found out the kids had seen it I left. This was the final straw. @Wildorchidz it was last year. I was asking the question because he still does not see it as a problem, and it making me feel like I AIBU!. I moved out with kids and then he put a filter on the internet and thought that solved everything and I should move back in with them. he tried to say I was mentally unstable.

Do the children see him?

You're describing domestic abuse. Assaulting your child, telling you you're overreacting to reprehensible things, calling you mentally unstable, trying to coerce you to return... It's sadly all textbook abusive behaviour.

I think you need to have a look at the Freedom Programme... Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Thank God you have left. I don't know if it's safe for him to have contact with your DC.

my dd won't see him and is old enough to be taken notice of. My ds does see him, he brought a writ against me saying he wanted residence. Unless I went to court to defend (his lawyers very expensive and good) I had to agree to ds seeing him. He only sees him 4 hours during week and 4 at weekend. No overnights.

Is your ds alone with him???

Have I got this right? He has hit, grabbed by neck and thrown your DS into furniture, you believed him when he said that didn't happen, you left because of the porn and not the physical abuse to DS and you have let him see DS because you don't want to go to court?

I am coming out of the fog now. I reported it to SS and police, but because the dc's gave a different account (dd saying it happened more than ds said it did) they said they couldn't take it any further. So I can't prove anytging.

*anything

@Gpaz, that is why I left. I was homeless for 5 weeks with dc and then in refuge. He still said I was delusional.

How can he afford an expensive lawyer if he wasn't working and racked up lots of debts (now in your name)?
You need to not let DS see him and let him take you to court - even if you have to represent yourself. There will be others who can give better advice, but don't let your DS go to him without putting up a massive fight.